Spare the rod and spoil your child? Your comments?

Question

Since our parents were very strict with us we were very lenient with our children. We did not want them to suffer as we did. We brought them up as friends. Now, they have become spoiled brats having no respect,regard for us. The always argue and back answer.
Did we make a mistake of sparing the rod?

Answer 1

YES, We can't be both friends and parents. It just doesn't work. Our kids look up to us to show them the way.

Answer 2

I believe that sparing the rod over the years has changed the kids of today. Of course there's a big difference between giving a child a smack and outright abuse, and I'm sure most parents know the difference. My parents smacked us on occasions, and although I do remember the odd occasion where I don't recon I deserved it,(as most kids would say!) I respected them and as I grew older I could see it was done with love. Without a doubt my parents loved us so much. I love my kids with my whole heart, but I gave my children a little smack on the hand or bottom if they misbehaved. Its amazing how things have changed in just a few short years. (my kids are just hitting teens now) You aren't game to now for fear of reticule or being reported (as I've known of instances where that's happened) I now work in retail, and I'm regularly horrified at the way some children talk to their parents, throw tantrums and manage to get their own way because of bad behavior. Governments are also to blame, parents no longer have as many parenting rights as years ago. Its just a shame in some ways that parents don't have as much control over their kids, and if you don't have the control as kids... look out as teenagers!!!

Answer 3

I believe that more parents need to use the rod. Every child is different and needs discipline that they understand and respond to appropriately. For some kids that means grounding. For my kids that meant whipping the butt! Now that they are older, they are respectful TEENS! Can you believe that? I believe that they are this way because we taught them right from wrong in a loving structured home and whipped their butts when it was necessary. We made sure not to whip out of anger. You have to wait and cool off for a few minutes if you're angry, just don't wait too long, because the child will forget what they did wrong. It is usually possible to play and have fun with your kids, but we can't be their friends until they have kids of their own. By then, they will need our friendship. Some of us are just too afraid to discipline our kids and that's unfortunate. My parents loved and protected me and whipped me when I needed it. I am glad that they did. I wouldn't change a thing.

Answer 4

People (children included) will take whatever is handed to them. If you and your wife handed control over to them, I cannot understand why you are surprised, when they took it.

Discipline takes many forms. Spanking is the most generally assumed technique when the word 'discipline' is mentioned. But discipline simply means consistent guidance.

If you keep this lenient attitude, how do you expect your children to learn to read, to develop social skills, to have proper manners, to achieve in school and activities?

Take control back, as quickly as possible. Do NOT apologize to your children for this. Develop a family plan for meal times, bed times, together/sharing time, and stick with it. When one of your children talks back to you, take them into another room immediately. Make direct eye contact and tell them you will not tolerate it.

After you have done this a number of times, the mere mention of 'come into the other room' will have an affect on their behavior.

I don't know the ages of your children, so I didn't recommend any more harsh punishment than this. But it is clear you both need to decide what will be done, be consistent, and both be equally involved.

Good luck ~

Answer 5

All kids are so different and will act up if they can get away with it, REGARDLESS. i do not think children need to be hit, but a smack on the butt when doing something really bad is needed. Smacking with something in hand or across the face is not on.
I am working out that taking their favourite things off them for a period of time is working well. Even just the threat will calm down naughtiness or get rooms tidied!
You are still the parent, they need to get some respect for that. You can get them to do what they are told without hitting, i am sure lots of people with have hints on manipulting naughty behaviour for you.
Friendship can always be pushed too far.
It's sounds like you may have also spoiled them so I am sure they have lots of little nick nacks you can take away and put in a box next time they give you the run around.
Goodluck getting the rein back in your control. If they are still young enough do it now, get them to believe you will have punishment installed for them if they back chat you next time.

Answer 6

Here's a question what child do you know that respects their parents who didnt discipline them. None in my register. Children NEED firm boundaries. They may not want them but they do need them. And as long as their not adults already(this is determined by attitude not age-they are always your children 18, or 21). I know several 18 year olds that need their parents too be firm and not friends. I had a firm father who when I did wrong gave me what I deserved. I also had an abusive mother who would beat and throw things and call names and other things. When I got older even I didnt like it at the time I thanked my dad for being firm with me and making me a good person. I hope that you will start now with the discipline and I pray you'll be firm and hold to the boundaries you set. If you say no, then no means no. No matter how many times they test it. God Bless.

Answer 7

I think that is the fundamental flaw in todays society. Kids are being raised with a sense of entitlement and no respect for others, themselves or boundaries. Too often I see Parents bowing to the whims of Little Timmy the tyrant just to keep peace. Little Timmy(age 4) throws a screaming hissy in Wal mart because he want Captain Crunch and mommy is trying to buy Raisin bran. Little Timmy(age 14) is throwing his weight around because he want the 400 dollar leather jacket but mom only has 200 in her checking account so she whips out the credit card to pay for the jacket. Little Timmy is now 23 flunked out of college, living in the basement unemployed, stoned and mommy is still doing his laundry and fixing his meals and giving him money. If she doesn't give it to him he just steals it from her purse while she is asleep.

I don't advocate beating a child but I do advocate occasionally knocking some sense into one. A swift tap on the rear to show Little Timmy you mean business is not a bad thing.

Answer 8

Even I believe in the same but I came across many people who tell that scolding and beating of kids constantly makes them stubborn. At the same time being too lenient is also not good. From my personal experiences and the people I have seen around, its people who maintain a balance between both end up having well brought up children. Thin line between the both

Answer 9

Thats a tough one ...cause Im kinda in the same boat ...you want respect and love from them not them to be scared of you....I think that with a little more one on one coaching , you will learn that you can find the one "trick" that will help them relize whats the right way to be , respectful. One thing that has worked for my daughter is I stopped showing her respect and going out of my way to do things for her. She came to me ..after about two really hard and stressful week and asked if I still loved her, that was the opening to lay the ground rules on life and the golden rule, since then she has seen that by gritting her teeth at times per say and just do what is at hand and, I do the same ,it leaves so much time to to enjoy life together. Instead of fighting and being hateful
Of course spanking is a much easier way and faster too, but just rember why you choose not to do it in the first place , because you wanted a stronger ,more loving ,more respectful bond with your children. I remembered a feeling of being just scared of my parents , a fearful painful thought I wouldnt ever want my kids to even think about let alone feel. I want them to be in a moment of temptation and say , my mom would be so disapointed ,rather shes gonna kill me.And there vaule of my thoughts would be strong enough to lure them away..I hope you understand what Im saying
Just stop and think ,and your heart will lead you in the right direction. You are at a point of weakness and just need to reach out and find help to find a "trick" that will work for your family
Good Luck.. and rember
Cast out the Demons with a thing called LOVE:}

Answer 10

Your kids aren't brats because you didn't beat them, it's because you haven't established enough boundaries, and built a foundation of respect for your children to treat you well. You need to let them know that there will be consequences for their actions, but it doesn't necessarily have to meant physical pain. Take away a privilige that you offer them if they don't behave. Don't threaten them, but do what you say you will do. You're looking at the two extremes, when instead you should strive to strike a balance. And remember, they're your children, not your friends. Why would you be friends with little kids?

Answer 11

all your doing is giving them a reason not to be respectful and if said parents let there kids do what they want when they are little, you cannot change the habit they are already use too because it is a familiarity to them that they don't want to divert from, for fear of the unknown. ALWAYS DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN OR ONES YOU THINK NEED IT! My children are 13 and 14, and i have a step daughter that is 19, so if you want control of your kids, then step and don't be afraid to DISCIPLINE, legally...time outs[and make them do it,even if you have to stand over them]then make them tell you why they were there, or remind them if they absolutely can't remember, if they can't remember, make them sit there until they do remember. Hope this helps!