Have you ever had a friend tell you they were going to do something and then you find out that they are doing?

Question

something else first.....and the last time they did that something first it took over a year? Do you trust them? Or tell them enough is enough? Still be friends but do you keep trusting since they have proven they take FOREVER to get something done that they told you wouldn't take very long. Is that a lie? Or are they just unconcerned with time? (I'm asking this in R&S because most of my friends are here)

Sorry. A friend told me he was going to do something. Then today he told me he was going to do something else first. The last time he did that thing first he told me it would take a few days but it took over a year....He told me this time it will only take a few days....Should I believe him? And trust that he is telling the truth since he's a friend or should I not trust based on his past record.
(and I know friends may not be a good reason to you, but if you're not one of my friends and don't like the question, please feel free NOT to answer.)

Yes Dave....exactly like that! Thanks.

Primo that is very good and I appreciate your prayers.

Thanks Rick. That is very true.

Senir4.8 as a procrastinator.myself I should have recognized that. Thank you.

Outraged....Mercy is my strongest spiritual gift, I couldn't kick a friend to the curb no matter what they have done.

Answer 1

Precious one - procrastination is a sin we all fight at one time or another. When it becomes a habit - it causes problems. When we break promises to one another as Christians we represent God falsely. Our God NEVER breaks a promise.
Procrastination causes deep frustration and is a stumbling block for many to fall into sin. We do not want to be in sin - nor to cause others to fall into sin.

My Grandfather (a Deacon) was a kidder - and took great delight in giving folks a round (larger than a 50 cent peice US) flat circle of wood with the letters "TUIT" on it.

When ever someone said -
"I'll do THAT when I can get around to it."
He'd hand them the wooden "coin" and say -
"Now you have one - so you can do THAT now!"

(It's a ROUND TUIT!) LOL!

As for your situation:
Take the importance of the promise subject.
Is it life or death?
Financial freedom or Financial ruin?
Ability for other necessary things to take place verses hinderance of all other things?

If it is THAT important - then go to your friend and make a WRITTEN contract to make sure they understand that you are serious about the time table involved in the fulfillment of the promise.

I'm assuming they are also Christian. Remind them of these scriptures:

Leviticus 19:12 Do not make a promise in my name if you do not intend to keep it; that brings disgrace on my name. I am the LORD your God.

Deu 23:22-23 It is no sin not to make a vow to the LORD, but if you make one voluntarily, be sure that you keep it.

Ecc 5:4-6 So when you make a promise to God, keep it as quickly as possible. He has no use for a fool. Do what you promise to do. Better not to promise at all than to make a promise and not keep it. Don't let your own words lead you into sin, so that you have to tell God's priest that you didn't mean it. Why make God angry with you? Why let him destroy what you have worked for?

Matthew 5:33-37 "You have also heard that people were told in the past, 'Do not break your promise, but do what you have vowed to the Lord to do.' But now I tell you: do not use any vow when you make a promise. Do not swear by heaven, for it is God's throne; nor by earth, for it is the resting place for his feet; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Do not even swear by your head, because you cannot make a single hair white or black. Just say 'Yes' or 'No'---anything else you say comes from the Evil One.

If they balk at the idea of a written contract - release them from their promise with kindness, understanding that they will probably feel offended. Ask for their forgiveness and explain that you understand that they have prior commitments and that you release them from their promise without any animousity.

NOW... If the promise is NOT serious enough to warrant a written contract:
Could you make your friend aware of your time table - and then when they succeed - praise them... and if they fail - simply forgive them and find another to fulfill the need?

When you forgive others where they have failed you - you are in the midst of walking Christ's words in the Lord's prayer. We have to forgive others before God will forgive us.

Matthew 6:14 "If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you. "

You need to make your friend aware that your personal trust issues are involved here. THIS is their second chance. If they fail you again... forgive them silently. Take the duty to someone else and simply remember that when it comes to keeping promises - the two of you should not enter into future arrangements because this unequally yokes you in a task.

Work for peace in the friendship - because it brings peace to the body of Christ. God will deal with the reprimands if you release your friend to Him through forgiveness.

I pray you find peace in this, hon.

Answer 2

This was a little confusing because I could tell you wanted to be informative yet secretive at the same time. It is hard to come up with a good answer, so I will say to trust your gut instincts. If you feel strongly one way or the other, go with it.

**Based on further information, I think I probably would be skeptical about his abilities to do what he said. If it is important I think I would ask someone else. If he asks why, just say I know you are really busy and I did not want to trouble you but I appreciate your offer. Good luck with your situation.

Answer 3

Well, there are friends and then there are friends. Those friends that I know and talk to occasionally would not offend me if they promised to do something and then procrastinated or let it slip. However, those friends that I am close to and consider confidants are another story, because I would consider it a breach of trust. I would be much more likely to confront the second group than the first.

Answer 4

Hello Jan,

As we know, people are fallable. It's hard to trust someone after incidents like this. But the truth is....and I don't mean to throw a common Christian cliche at you but....

Christ forgave us.....and continues to do so.....so we should do the same.

However, trust is a different issue. We should forgive people.....but we don't have to trust them.

If this person is pretty consistant with taking forever with things, then chances are, the same thing will happen again.

I'll pray for you, kiddo.

-Primo

Answer 5

If you know that's how your friend is, why not stop expecting them to change and just accept them as they are. Then you won't be disappointed when they let you down. When they say they're going to do something, don't even expect them to follow through. It will save your friendship. I doubt they mean to lie to you, they're probably just a procrastinator. Perhaps you expect too much? idk

Answer 6

Doesn't sound like a trustworthy friend, I'd kick him to the curb.

Answer 7

You mean like a promise that they conveniently forgot about ?

I wood say that person is not reliable.

Still be friends.

Just don't marry him.

dave

Answer 8

You need to take a deep breath and try to make some sense.

Also, your "friends" being here is not really a great excuse to spam off-topic posts in incorrect categories, now is it?

Answer 9

uhhhh... hang on.... i'm re reading that again to see what i missed... hmmmmmm
nope
uhhh....nope

ohhh... okay i get it! oh wait, nevermind...

nope... still not really clear there....


okay, i give... WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?