I have a question.When I was in middle school 8th grade,I babysat or I should say looked after my neighbor?

Question

I have a question.When I was in middle school 8th grade,I babysat or I should say looked after my neighbor
Question Details: I have a question.When I was in middle school 8th grade,I babysat or I should say looked after my next door neighbor.H was 7 years old and I was 14.I sexually messed around with him while babysitting him.I am now 40 years old and he is 33 years old.I feel very bad what I did,however I was very very young and in middle School at the time.I always wanted to go to him and apologize for what I did.I feel horrible.I was so young and immature at the time.I'm a Christian now and would love to go back and make right on what I did wrong.Any advice?

Like I said.I was in middle school..i was not an adult.I was at that age where boys go through puberty.There were chemical changes/hormonal going on.All i remember was he was playing or wrestling with me,and i was getting an erection...

I told my parents about what happened a long time ago.They brushed it off and told me that boys at that age 12-14 years old go through that.However,I think as he got older he told his parents what I did.They were not friendly to me.Like I said...I was very young.

I wasn't even aware that what i did was considered a sex crime.It happened Jan 1981...i just turned 14 years old and he was 7 years old.I was in middle school.

Answer 1

If you are feeling convicted you do need to go and "make things right"- no one can tell you what to do, however, as a Christian myself, I can see why you would be feeling horribly. If you feel God is directing you to go and apologize do it. By the way, does he remember any of this- what is his family like now- bringing this up could be problematical for him, however if this is of God do not delay.

Answer 2

I would strongly urge you to seek out a rape/sexual abuse survivor counselor (or support/therapy group). You need some professional guidance on this subject! Definately seek prayer and guidance from your spiritual mentors also.

Proceed with caution in approaching your victim.The statue of limitations has expired for your sex crime, so you don't have to worry about jail time. HOWEVER, you could (even with the best of intentions) trigger a serious PTSD reaction in your now-grown victim. The results could be horrendous! I deal with a survivor of a childhood sexual assault on a daily basis, and it is a rough job!

If/when you do approach your victim, do so preparing to take full responsibility for YOUR actions. No hemming, no hawing, no trying to split guilt. Anything less than the truth will be counter-productive to his healing!

Get help right away.

Answer 3

It is different for children.

Confessions are good for the soul, yours and his. I think it would be very good for both. I would ask him for forgiveness. Tell him that you have felt very bad about it ever since, and it has been eating away at you and you would like to ask for forgiveness. That's the adult thing to do. Don't make any excuses. Just that. Maybe write him. That way you can edit the words correctly. What ever would be more comfortable for you and him. Think of him too.

I am sure the 14 year old playing around with me when I was a small child feels bad too. I feel for him. He doesn't talk with me hardly at all. Just what he feels he must. It would be good for me to hear him ask for forgiveness. I can't just go to up to him and tell him that I forgive him, unless he asks for it.

Pray every step of the way.
God bless you.

Answer 4

Here's a question in return - are you ready for ALL of the consequences your apology might entail, including jail time and premanent listing on the sexual predator registry? It's possible that he may choose to get the law after you, even after all this time.

What if he doesn't remember the event, or remembers it differently than you do, and doesn't see it as you do?

Realize that assauging your guilt could actually bring more pain and hurt into his life. Is that worth it?

I can't advise you what to do, truly - except to weight all the factors against your conscience, and consult with your pastor as to what he - or she - thinks would be the best thing for you to do.

Answer 5

Wow that's a hard one. Firstly congrats on recognising your wrong and wanting to make right again.

Are you still in contact with the child / now adult??
Do you believe it would help him if you spoke to him about it?

If its forgiveness you are seeking then know as a Christian you are forgiven.

I guess I'm asking these things to find out your motive for speaking to the person this many years later.

I would talk to a church elder or pastor if I was you before you do anything.

Answer 6

ok I am probably going to be getting thumbs down for this
but
look you were 14 , hormonal , getting used to your own body .....
that was such a long time ago
and ok it was wrong
but a 14 year old hormonal kid should not be left in charge of children for starters for the very reasons you have stated ( i am having this very same debate with someone else right now )
but you are you , who you are now .... not that kid any more
i do not believe you are a child molester or anything like that , you were a child yourself
and would probably not even dream of doing anything like this now
time to let it go

Answer 7

If you have this problem now at 40 you should seek help, if not, let it go, you were young and it's best to leave it behind.

Answer 8

I think you just continue looking after him, and in whatever circumstances he for you then grab it i think your just attracted to him at some point, that's why you kinda did, and if he's not sorry for it then go on with your life. God has ways to make things right if you're a believer then he'll set the ways for you to do things right it'd just a matter of patience

Answer 9

The rules of abusers are: make amends when it causes the victim no more harm....Since you are in the religion section, I would pray for guidance...

Answer 10

"...and would love to go back and make right on what I did wrong."

Truth and reconciliation - always.

I respect, and admire your honesty and courage. You will have the blessings of God.