mother in law question?

Question

We recently moved to the same small town as my husbands parents. I have always gotten along well with his mother. Now that we live in the same town she will stop over to visit at times she knows I am busy (getting dinner ready and getting ready for work), they will make plans to eat at our house or for us to come over to their place to cook out w/o ever mentioning it to me. They inform me of what we're doing. She smokes and I don't want anyone smoking around my baby. She thinks her husband doesn't know she smokes and so when they visit she goes in out bathroom -which does not have a fan-and smokes every 20 minutes. She will stop by my job and if i'm not there she will interrogate other employees about my where abouts and why i'm not at work. My husband and I were going to look at a house we were thinking of buying. I mentioned it to her on the phone and told her we were going at 6pm. I did not tell her where the house was, only that it was down the main road from our house

he never showed up to get me but guess what, she drove around till she found the place (his car was there) and she saw the house, not me. what can i do to keep the pease but get her out of my business?

Answer 1

You gotten some good advice. I suggest the following:
1) Talk to your husband and get on the same page together as to what's acceptable behavior on the part of his parents. As his wife, you own half the control over your own domicile and therefore can veto any visits. You can also veto any plans made without your knowledge and consent and that means no one from your household goes without your consent. Don't permit him and his family to make plans that don't include you.

2) Post a discreet No Smoking signs at your doors and in your bathrooms. The emphasis is on discreet.

3) Make it very clear, in a cooperative and respectful way, that you expect your husband to deal with these intrusions and that he is responsible for establishing boundaries for your family. He also needs to understand that making you the bad guy is totally unacceptable. You're in this together and must work as a team presenting a united front. You might give him a list of issues that need to be covered when he speaks with his parents: No uninvited visits; no showing up unannounced at private meetings of your family i,e, the house hunting; no smoking around y'all's baby; and generally common courtesy. If he resists, offer him the alternative of you talking to her, most likely in less understanding way than he might like.

Answer 2

First quit telling her things (like about the house), 2nd make a rule NO SMOKING in your house and stick to it. The first time she smokes in your house after making that announcement, you go into the room where everyone is and asked who violated the no smoking rule.
Next you talk to your husband and tell him you want to be included on any plan making and you reserve the right to refuse when you dont want to go or have people over. Your mother in law is a control freak and until you establish boundaries and have the guts to maintain them she will be in your face all the time.

Answer 3

I have also been in this sitiuation. The no smoking thing - just tell her and thats that. However your husband should help you out on the rest - ( mine never would - the marriage ended anyway - that was just a one of many red flags). She sounds like a true control freak - Good luck.

Answer 4

First of all does your husband feel the ame way that you do?If so then the two of you are going to have to tell her that she is making herself a part of your lives wayyyyy to much.yes it may hurt her feelings for a little bit ,but it will save your marraige.

Answer 5

um, that is a little crazy. she needs to let you two have time to breath and be a couple. i think it is your husbands job to talk to her about her overbearing ways, not you. especially about the smoke around your baby, that is just rude.

Answer 6

i did no longer stumble on a query yet enjoyed interpreting it besides. it relatively is sturdy suggestion or maybe nevertheless no person asked you, thank you for writing it. As a MIL i might % to function an trouble-free MYOB MIL. Translated means suggestions your guy or woman enterprise mom In regulation. to no longer the above author, she's cool. yet please ... MIL's .. do no longer supply suggestion once you're no longer asked and don't tell each and each guy or woman a thank you to do something. you will possibly be very experienced at being a mom, grandmother....etc. yet issues exchange in specific cases and kin to kin. So, if all of us MOurOB anybody is happy. that's complicated to no longer tell a DIL she is putting the diaper on the incorrect end of the little one yet she'll discover out quickly sufficient.

Answer 7

im in the same position as you, how to tell her to respect your privacy and home without causing an argument, i suggest let your husband tell her to respect your house not to come over uninvited, thats your home she has to respect that.