I've been seeing a girl for 10 months. I realize that's a very small time compared to some, but it's enough for me to realize that I've never loved anyone more. I've been in many relationships, and my picky nature tends to get the best of me and usually ends up with me being too nice to break up and forcing them to do it. Cowardly I know. Well this girl, I miss even the few things that annoy me about her. It started going downhill last month with a few drunken fights ending with us both crying. Well, we'd go a day or 2 not talking, then we'd decide that we're ready to try again, only to end up bickering and right back at the beginning. Last week, I was beginning to feel ignored and it finally boiled over and I told her I was done. I know she loves me, but since then (2 days ago) I haven't heard a word from her despite me texting her a couple of times. It worries me that she won't confront me about it. Is it really that easy for her? Do I give her the space she needs or fight?
2007-07-04 10:36:27 · 25 answers · asked by nickelcreek13 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
An addendum. The alcohol...I should have clarified. They were drunken ARGUMENTS. I realize the danger of alcohol and I admit my young nature seems to afford me opportunities to go out and live the college life (although I'm 28). If anything, it acted as an instigator to motivate would maybe should have been said before. She has told me although she loves and wants me in her future, she is unsure right now. I made the mistake of mentioning marriage to her and although I was serious, it freaked her out. Not that she doesn't ever want that, just not now. This serious of a relationship is unchartered waters for us both and she's trying to find herself. I've given her 2 opportunites in the last month to be honest and end it peacefully and clean and she didn't want that. She wants to be with me but not right now.She needs space, fine. But it's so hard going 2 or 3 days without seeing her and then only seeing her on HER terms. We've been honest, she knows how I feel. Let her come to me?
2007-07-05 01:15:28 · update #1
just be yourself everything will be okay.........................ll
2007-07-12 05:57:44 · answer #1 · answered by I AM BACK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to be like everyone else and tell you that the alcohol is the problem. Me and my youngest son's dad were together for 8 years, and we both drank. The thing about alcohol, is that it causes the most problems in a relationship when you have two individuals with a passive personality. You tend not to discuss issues when you are sober because it doesn't seem like that big of a problem. When you are drinking, you become more focused on the things in life that irritate you, and are more likely to say or do things that you don't mean. One thing I hated about my ex was the fact that he would bring up the same issues over and over and get me all upset. He would appologize the next morning, and then do it all over again. He WAS a serious alcoholic, and still is. I have a hard time reasoning with him to this day. He still says he wants me back too. It hurts like hell for me, because I really do love him. Just not the way he treats me. Give her some space, and don't try to force her to make any decisions that she doesn't feel is right at this point in time. Just try being her friend for awhile. Don't move on too soon, but also keep in mind that things may not work out at all. Besides, if you really do love her, you should take some time to get over her and do some self inventory on yourself. See what you can improve in yourself to make another relationship work better. If things do work out with her, taking a look at who you are and who you want her to see you as will only help you guys in the future. Good luck! lol
2007-07-12 14:42:51 · answer #2 · answered by blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems you two have just been putting a bandaid over a large wound. If you're having these huge arguments that frequently, then there's a deeper problem at the heart of it. Find out what that problem is and maybe you'll be able to work it through together. Marriage at this stage would be a bigger mess. Love, unfortunately, isn't enough. You should let her know that you're ready to work this out (not just make up & move on) with her whenever she's ready. Yes give her the space she needs, but then when she does contact you, tell her you want to actually work on your relationship. Leave the big M word out for a while until you both feel that you're ready to move forward. Hang in there!
2007-07-12 13:13:09 · answer #3 · answered by rob o 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear friend,
I have listened to your story and you would not believe how well I can relate to it.
But lets take it a problem at a time. I do believe you both should seriuously consider getting help for your alcohol problem. You may not think that it is a major factor, but in what I'm hearing and I am REALLY listening, it would be a GOOD place to start.
Once you get that under control, only then, should you consider getting into a more meaningful relationship with her. Things can go REAL bad REAL fast if you do not have your drinking controlled. I mean this seriuosly I have a little bit of a different spin on alcohol than most people. Number 1- I do not believe that it is a disease. i believevv that it is a problem caused by people based on ignorance on the dangers of alcohol and the utter disregard to doing something about it. acohol can kill like a disease but it can also be cured much easier than a disease.
Thru education, knowledge and the force of your will and heart, you will learn that you are more important, and taking care of yourself is step one. I suggest getting counseling, REAL conseling, not a self-help book, but an individual trained in helping in this particular area. There are many low cost ways of doing this.
Alcohol allows some of your best AND worst feelings to come out. Your inhibitions dissolve and you are more apt to something that you would not normally do sober.
My advice, gain control of this problem and the answers will be a lot simpler to find.
Let me know how it turns out!!!
2007-07-12 13:28:38 · answer #4 · answered by Market Magician 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing: alcohol doesn't put bad words and feelings into your mouth, it lets them out.
If you two were "arguing" then it clear that what you were arguing about was simmering below the surface. It is also clear that although you two have feelings for each other, there are other issues at play here that are causing the two of you stress in your relationship.
A relationship has to be mutually supportive, not mutually destructive. If you two tend to take out your problems on one another, if you tend to strike out (verbally or physically) at one another, or if you blame the other for things that aren't right in the relationship, then you need to part ways while you can and don't waste any more time on a relationship that is doomed to fail. It could be a lack of maturity on one, or both your parts, or it could be an underlying imcompatibility that you've both been avoiding because of the amount of time you've both "invested" in the relationship. However, a good invester knows when it's time to cut their losses and move on. You need to analyze the situation and do the same, especially if you still care about each other.
2007-07-12 01:15:06 · answer #5 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you both need to quit drinking then there won't be anymore drunken fights. You need to write her a letter which clearly portrays your feelings. The only way this relationship will ever work out to your satisfaction is if you both avoid alcohol. When you get my age (49) you'll look back on your drinking days and realize exactly how many problems drinking causes. Give her space. You've really, really hurt her feelings! You told her you were done! She is ignoring you because she believes you! You two will never make it if you don't quit drinking because it will only lead to more problems!
2007-07-04 17:44:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her the space she needs right now. If you continue texting her and trying to contact her, she will get tired of you. So let her be. If you are meant to be together she will come back if not, you will find some one better. That is how it works.
Besides, Do you really want to be in a relationship where you fight constantly?? That is not healthy. Step aside, and see what happens.
2007-07-12 16:27:32 · answer #7 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her a couple more days, then give it one more time. Only one more. If she doesn't respond, it is over and time to move on. Fighting can't define your relationship and it sounds like from what you have said that is does lately. Fighting is distructive and hurts everyone. No one want to hurt, so it is better to end it. Love hurts at times, and hurts hard. The only thing that gets you through is time. Its like a hangover. It kills you not matter how much water you drink, not matter how many asprin you take, not matter how much coffee or sleep you get. It is actually time that heals it. If you force her or call to much that is a definite way she wont come back. You push to much and she may become scared. Just one more call and then either call it quits and move on your she'll tell you shes' coming back.
2007-07-04 17:43:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not that it's easy for her, i think it's the opposite and thats why she needs to not be around you. I think she's realised that you two weren't working and maybe she's made the decision to stay away and end it for good. Its obvious you know what you feel for her, so find her and talk to her, but you both have to be ready to make it work and stop the fighting. Address what it is you fight about and compromise. im sure things will work out. If not and she has decided to walk away for good then accept it and take it as a lesson learned.
2007-07-04 17:40:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. Even if she does have feelings for you, she isn't ready to settle down and you are even though your not sure you want to admit it.
She isn't giving you that secure feeling you should have when your in love and trust from both parties is absolutely essential for a successful relationship.
Drunken fights should not occur. If drinking is causing you to fight then it should not be part of your entertainment.
2007-07-12 12:25:56 · answer #10 · answered by SweetPea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you two obviously have some probs with alcohol, and if the relationship meant that much you would have realized after the first "drunken fight" that booze has got to go or the relationship will disintegrate which it has, so move on.. and get some help for your drinking prob before you enter in to any other intimate relationship
2007-07-04 17:41:13 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋