I rather be straight up front.
I don't want to marry some one that's not right for me how ever I don't want to be with some one who doesn't want marriage at all.
again, I only want to date men with intention of marriage in case I fall in love.. give me some ideas and instructions on how a single women should go by..
2007-07-04 10:29:09 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If your the one, he will want to marry you regardless of what he might think. That was the case with my fiance!
2007-07-04 11:49:43 · answer #1 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with being upfront. And I agree that you should only date guys who have the intention of getting married (what's the point, otherwise?).
However, you're more likely to scare off the good ones along with the bad ones by bringing this up on a first date. It's a case of throwing the baby out with the bath water...It's simply too soon to be discussing this topic.
Enjoy your date, while avoiding this particular topic. Talk about life goals...is he in the middle of developing a career? If so, maybe marriage is not on his priority list right now. Does he have nieces & nephews that he loves playing with? This could be a good sign that he's family-oriented. After you have a bit of this basic info, you can better judge your opportunities to bring this up.
If he asks you out for a second date, it might be okay to raise the subject then (although I'd probably wait for the third or fourth date)...Just say, "I really enjoyed our time together, and I'd like to see you again. But to be completely honest, I'm in a place in my life where I need to be working toward a commitment. I'd like to know that you're interested in working toward the same thing."
And don't forget that all of us humans need an active social life. If you have a date or two with a guy, and it doesn't work out, chalk it up to "educational experience", and put it in the same stack where you'd put a night out with your girlfriends...you had a good time, and now you're moving on to other things.
2007-07-05 15:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Due to the current stats most men do not take marriage as a lifestyle they wish to go into. Unless it has been a very long term relationship to bring the subject up would be death to the relationship.
If during a long term relationship, many dates, you feel the love thought kicking the subject can be slowly incorporated into a conversation. But be prepared he may like you as a friend and this would not add a positive tone.
Note: The current fad is the same in my county - one of the largest in the country. At last count 72% of the adults either are single or living with someone but not married. Marriage is a very hard lifestyle in today's society.
2007-07-04 17:40:48 · answer #3 · answered by Natural Medicine Man 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, your concerns about marriage are about the same as HIS likely concerns about sex. So if HE talks about sex on your date, talk about marriage!! All's fair in love & war.
Honestly, to see what his thoughts aree, open the discussion about his goals in life. What does he want to accomplish? Mix it up between professional and personal accomplishments. How far do you aspire to go in your career? What kinda fun things do you wanna do in your life? This will begin to give you an idea if he has plans in his future for a partner, or if he is thinking solo in these plans. Don't drill too deep. Just get a general idea. Afterall, this 1st date is like a resume, and you wanna know what he has to offer. Is it enough for an interview?(2nd date) Or is it seem too good to be true?(over zealous resume) I mean, you ARE taking the time to go on a date with this guy, is HE worth your efforts to probe for love?
2007-07-04 17:45:15 · answer #4 · answered by atoughlife2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had known my husband before we started dating -- based on his somewhat tumultuous background (parents divorced, remarried, etc.), he didn't think he would ever get married. After we decided to be exclusive, I told him, "I'm not referencing this to you in any way yet because we don't know each other well enough to even be talking about this right now; however, I am the marrying type. I do not want to date forever, I want to get married one day and I need to know if this is even a possibility down the road for you or not." He also knew that I did not believe in promiscuous sex (to me that is with someone other than your husband), and a few other things I thought he should know about my deal breaker issues BEFORE either one of us was more emotionally immeshed. He said he had never been with someone he wanted to marry before, but he was open to it if he found someone who fit. Apparently I did.
2007-07-04 17:45:56 · answer #5 · answered by mj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you! I have fallen in love twice only tobe told that niether had planns of ever getting married so now I am very up frount and simply ask it " Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" If marriage dosen't come up in the answer I ask " so you never plan on getting married?" This way they don't fel like I am pressuring then simply safe perspective questions. Usally this also opens it up for you to explain your future plans.
2007-07-08 11:45:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a better approach is to tell a 4th or 5th date you've had your fun on the dating curcuit, but you're getting bored with it... looking to settle down in the foreseeable future.... not interested in playing the "dating" games anymore.
If he is not interested, you'll never hear from him again. If he is even remotely interested, you've let him know where you stand. Don't ask him what he thinks about it all... He's a guy.. he probably doesn't know without actually thinking about it... And he'll think you're asking him to make a lifetime commitment right then and there!! Just let him know where you're coming from.
2007-07-04 17:43:41 · answer #7 · answered by Amy S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that is a first date question, your crazy if you get married after only the first date. I would get to know each other first before asking something like that, or you will never get married, you will keep running off men if you do that
2007-07-05 12:36:56 · answer #8 · answered by Hi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this a first date? If it is, don't bring it up. He's not gonna marry you tomorrow and you're not gonna fall in love next week. Leave the subject alone for a few dates.
If you've been dating more than 5 minutes, ask him what he's looking for, where he wants to go with his life (not his relationship). If he's at all interested he'll ask you the same by obligation, that's where you make your move. "I'm looking for a good, caring, stable guy. I'd like to be able to advance my career and start a family in the next few years, yadda yadda yadda."
Don't jump out with "My biological clock is ticking, wanna get married?"
Good luck! :)
2007-07-04 17:34:51 · answer #9 · answered by Megan B 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you don't bring up the evil M word. you will be able to tell what someones intentions are after a couple dates. just like now you think I am totally against marriage because I called it the evil m word. if you are old and ready to die, marriage is fine, if you have just a little life left in you, stay away from marriage. it will kill you. if you don't believe me just look at the statistics, everyone who has ever gotten married has died. you can't argue with facts.
2007-07-04 17:35:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually, I let him bring it up. If he wants to be married he will let you know. If you tell a guy that you are only interested in a relationship that will end in marriage he will think, "Oh, she's looking for someone to fill a position of husband, not the love of her life."
I let my intended bring it up. It took him less than a month. You give him a month. If he is for you he will bring it up, seriously.
2007-07-04 17:54:13 · answer #11 · answered by dice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋