Why do i feel my lifes being controlled?

Question

im 30 years old,& im a bpd sufferer & im waiting for therapy.
my ultimate goal & ambition is to emigrate from the uk to either the states or canada...im not sure how ill do it,& im aware its very difficult.....but whenever i talk about my hopes & dreams to people,& especially my dad, he always says the grass looks greener on the otherside,& that i need to build a life here in the uk..& i get so enraged & angry because i dont wanna stay here,& im aware the grass can look greener but i still no what i want in life and where i wanna go....i want to go far away & build a new life in the countries ive mentioned....& when my dad & others argue with me about where im trying to get in life,& what i want, it feels like their trying to control my life or somehow stop me from achieving what i want..i dont wanna stay in the uk, i wanna emigrate & find a partner & build a life in ca or the us.my dad knows alot of people & i feel hes somehow controlling my life stopping me doing what i want to do

if i knew for sure my life was being controlled....i dont think i would be able to control myself

Answer 1

I can understand your frustration in not getting the support you need from your dad, but he may just be looking out for your best interests right now. That said though, you are an adult and you can make your own choices. It may feel like you're being controlled, but you're only being controlled by others if you let them.

One reason that your dad and others may be trying to talk you out of making a major move is because of your bpd and the fact that you're waiting for therapy. Making a major move, especially to another country, can be very stressful even for those without psychological issues. So it may be a good idea to first get some treatment and get some counseling from a therapist. Then, if you still really want to move, you can go ahead and do so, but at least you'll have started on therapy. Your therapist may also be able to help you find a therapist in the place that you'll be moving to. The important thing is that you need to take care of yourself first, before you make a major change in your life.

I also suggest that when you talk to your dad about your plans and goals, to do so in a calm manner. Sometimes people can regress around their parents and become overly submissive or else argumentative. But if you talk to your dad in a calm, adult-like way, then he may be more apt to listen to you and not feel that he has to run your life. Losing your cool and becoming enraged won't help anything and will only convince him and others that you aren't ready for such a big change in your life.

Like I said, you're an adult and you can do what you want with your life. But it's best to do it in a way that is well planned, reasonable and healthy. I wish you all the best and hope things work out well for you.

Answer 2

Borders are more than areas dividing countries, if you are dreaming about crossing borders you may be suffering a borderline personality disorder. Wait for your therapy and address the issues of border crossing. If you are angry or feel ultimatums are necessary, i.e., feeling that if you are being controlled you will lose control, you are not holding on to a good grasp of reality. Dreams are for the youth, once you grow mature you will set goals. If you want to make changes you need to set goals and make plans. Gather your education or make a choice to attend a college in a far away country for the benefit of learning then make decisions about marriage. Marriage is not a cake-walk, it is sometimes like putting make up and a skirt on your dad's personality and trying to make a life long partnership of it, make peace with you now and those you chose to keep in your life now. Doors will open when you shut out your own complacency and open up to humility. Try prayer. Good luck.

Answer 3

You will find, that where ever you go, people are much like the ones you left behind.

Plan to make a visit to the country of your choice to see what it is like.

You will need to have a job and save money to do this, but that builds character. I assume if you are 30, you are already on that road. A savings plan for the initial trip, and then a second plan for if/when you decide to change countries.

Youth hostels offer cheap opportunities for travelers. Google them and see what you can come up with.

Answer 4

i think you're growing up friend, it's all natural, we all had passed and will pass this stage in our life, so try listening to elders, no matter what, especially your parents, they know what's better for you, just hold on these few years and then you can be on your own feet. try thinking properly just like the answerer above me said and avoid what you have to avoid, and always consult your problems with more experienced people, like teachers or siblings, and of course your parents. p.s : i'm not so sure about that supernatural power controlling you... i mean i don't understand.

Answer 5

You're 30 years old. Be a grown up and do whatever you want. You are the one that is letting everyone tell you what to do and you're old enough to make your own choices. So don't blame others, just do what your dreams tell you to do.

Answer 6

At one time or another everyone has felt that, even if they don't want to admit. It is in man's nature to want more or something that another has. It is okay to want it but not to take from another. You should look elsewhere for root of this problem.

Answer 7

ProTip: You're useless.

Answer 8

Why do you keep asking this question?