Introduce my daughter to her real dad?To ease divorce?

Question

Okay after 4 years of marriage seperated for 6 months my husband has anger managment issues . I am getting a divorce though i have not told my husband yet.I have a daughter who is 5 yrs old from a prior relationship who has only seen her biological dad a hand full of times when she was a newborn.Her father does send her presents and transfers money every few months into my account.Her dad is a russian business man who travels a lot and is a bit cold in apperance(he spent time in russian prison).I think my divorce and move may be easier on her if her real dad and her meet to possibly start a relationship?I also dont want her to freak when she see's her dad tatoo's?

I asker her biological father to keep his distance till she was older

Answer 1

Your daughter will need counseling for several years and several therapists so that other perspectives can be introduced into her worldview.
Yes, of course, she needs to know her real dad, especially since he cares enough to send her presents and provide for her but proper role models are going to be an issue for her and that's why she'll need to bond with other adults.
A sound spirituality will also be needed.

Answer 2

Personally, I think that is a bit too much for a 5 year old to go through all at once. Divorce is hard enough...don't give her too many life changing events to deal with at once. I mean, does she know that your husband is not her father? If not, you really shouldn't put her through all of this at once. I would probably wait until your divorce is done and she has had a chance to get settled into her "new" life with just Mommy first. If she DOES know that your husband is not her father then, the only way I would want to introduce her to her bio father is if he were going to be a regular part of her life and offer her some stability...something that she can count on. I mean, even if he only comes to see her once a month...at least she would KNOW that, "Hey, this is my Dad and I know that I can see him every month!" Ya know? You are in a tough situation! Good luck to you!!

Answer 3

You are asking a lot of your 5 year old to have her form a relationship with her biological father right now all considering. Would you think it would be wise to put her in the middle of two failed relationships of yours right at the moment ?.Now is the time for healing and getting used to a normal life.You must give your daughter time to adjust instead of "substituting" the male role models in her life. What's the rush anyway? You have plenty of time to establish a bond with her and her real dad later. Your intentions are good but hardly reasonable to help any "move" seem more reasonable. Give the child a break. Former Russian prisoner with Russian prison gang tatoo's ? Second reason not to do it......Good Luck

Answer 4

Introducing your daughter to her real dad will not ease the divorce between you and the man she grew up seeing as her dad - it would only confuse her more.

As for the russian bussiness man spending time in a russian prison to account for his cold appearance - my best friend, Vitali, is from Moscow and his dad did time in prison and he is one of the nicest men I've ever met.

You should wait until she is old enough to comprehend all of what's going on. (my friend's daughter is five years old and was raised by another man, now her biological father recently discovered that the girl is his daughter so he spends time with her as a friend of her mothers but they are waiting until she is older to tell her who he really is)

What also doesn't make sense it that her biological father would send presents and money but never have any contact with her.......?

Answer 5

Too much at one time. Wait 'til after the divorce and your life is more stable. I think 5 yrs. old is too young to take all this in at once. When she's older (maybe 7 or 8?) depending on her maturity level, you might want to have a talk with her. Maybe she'll want to meet him, maybe not. Don't wait until the 'teen years to bring it up. Maybe you'll meet someone else in the meantime & she'll have "another" dad to get used to. I'd drop the biological dad for now. He may not want to be a part of her life, and create another disappointment.

Answer 6

If you think he's a nice guy and he'd be good for her and he wants a relationship with her, then by all means introduce them. She won't freak about the tattoos unless someone's taught her to be upset by tattoos. Just don't think this complete stranger going to be an instant replacement for the man she knows as her dad. In fact, if I were in your position and decided to introduce them, I'd introduce the Russian guy as a friend and see how they get along and give them some time to get used to each other before telling her he's her real dad. I mean put yourself in her shoes... how would it feel to be 5 and have your mom suddenly tell you your dad isn't your dad, and this random guy you don't even know is your dad? Wouldn't you kinda think she'd gone crazy?

Answer 7

I do not feel like that would ease the divorce situation for her. She would still be dealing with the issues from that, and have more confusing emotions having to do with her biological father.

I would wait and introduce him at a more appropriate time, like when she is ready to meet him. Not to ease a current situation.

Answer 8

I know for a fact that to build a relationship with your REAL father is an important thing to do. Since she is young, try to ease her into to building that relationship. Even though one relationship is ending for her, another can build.

And from what I see , little kids think tatoos are cool and fun.

Answer 9

i think that shes a little to young for all that pressure she's about to loose one dad gain another. move house loose friends and probably change schools. please think about it or at least wait until she is settled in her new home and feels comfortable. her dad will be there for life I'm sure you can give it another year or so. i had a funny relationship with my bio dad when i was younger i was allowed to see him. (when he could be bothered) but because i couldn't understand why he could not be there all the time its made me grow up having no time for him because this is what i felt when i was younger. consider this if you want it to be a serious and precious relationship between them both.

Answer 10

It doesnt sound like bio dad doesn really want to meet her. Plus she might be alittle to young and it would be to much on her little brain. Does she even know that your soon-to-be ex husband is not her dad?