Story oppinon!?

Question

umm yea i have to do a short story for a scool asighmnet and i just wrote sumthin off the top of my head real quick im only 15 soooo i suck at writing but can u tell me if its alrite?or good or bad or great lol thanx alot!
Bully’s Of Briar Cliff Park.

My names David but you can call me Too Quick. Well that’s what my friends call me.
Man do I have a story to tell you! Every Saturday my friends and I play football at the
Towns park field at 1:30pm. Let me tell you about the gang, first there’s Derek He’s
The strongest guy we know that’s why we call him too strong. He’s 6’2 and can bench
380 POUNDS! Then there’s Kyle We Call Him Hit stick cause if you come his way…then
You will get hit and hit hard. And there’s me they call me too quick cause I have the fastest two feet in the whole town and I can cut juke and accelerate faster than anybodyYou know. There are three more guys but I need to quit yapping and get to the story. Well Like every Saturday we were going to the field it was a great day to play football. It was
Warm outside nice breeze and the grass was dry and crisp. Well of course things can’t always be
Perfect something’s always gotta ruin your day. As we start to pick teams We See six
Bulky guy’s aprochaing.The parks bullies they had on baggy pants and big jerseys and the looked MEEAAN! The guy in the front said “Hey lil punks, can we play?” Now we would of
Said no because they looked like trouble but we decided to give them a chance. So it
Was six against there six they were bigger MUCH bigger! But we had more skill.
Well we got are teams lined up and it all started. Brax are Quarter back shouted
“Red 58 said Red 58 hut!” We jumped off the line as fast as we could the guy covering
I gave me a little push and shove but he was no match for my speed, as I pushed off him and cut up the field I was wide open. Sure enough as I looked up the ball came
Spiraling my way, I reached out as far as I could and lunged for the ball! TOUCHDOWN! We were up 1-0 all my friends were yelling and patting me on the
Back. Then it was there turn with the ball. They were all staggered across the field and
Pushing each other. Then there teammate yelled “HUT!” We shut them down on defense
but I was a lil worried about offense. They Handed the ball off to there biggest guy and
He looked MEAN! Then Too Strong said “I got this.” Both guys running full speed straight forward at each other. Then WHAM! Derek Laid him out the ball popped out
And Kyle picked it up he ran across the field as one of the guys tried to tackle him I dived
At his feet for a block! 30 yards up the field Touchdown! Back to back we scored! Then there player got op and said “Man im done! Let’s get out of here. I don’t need to waist my
Time with these punks!” As they Walked off we all applauded each other for are accomplishments. So if you learn anything from my story it’s this…Never judge someone
By there physical appearance. Cause the inside always means more and that’s what helped us win the game! Like they say ha-ha “Don’t judge a book by its cover!"

Answer 1

its a great story, could use some editing, but the moral doesn't fit. their outside qualities helped them win! the speed, strength, and hitting power are outside qualities, not inside. a moral could be practice makes perfect, or there is no I in team (everyone contributes to a winning team) etc.

hope i helped!

Answer 2

My purely symptom the month I concieved grow to be great era cramps from the day my era grow to be due!! I had a reaaaaaaaaaaaly faint helpful and took a clean blue digital day after at present. I had greater 'warning signs' in the months i in my opinion have been given my era! I never had ailment to on the present time x

Answer 3

Too long but it's not bad and needs editing.

Answer 4

too long dint bother to read it but sounds like a gud story...

Answer 5

sry. its too long for a question.