I'm the result of incest; should I ask my biological parents the story around my birth?

Question

A few years ago, I found out that the people I thought were my Mum and Dad were in fact my uncle and aunt-in-law; it appears that my biological parents were my uncle’s younger brother and sister.
I was born when my biological parents were 17 and 15 respectively, and in order to cover up the facts of my conception, my uncle and his wife took me in as one of their own and loved me as such.
Both my biological parents live close by, with my biological father working everyday alongside my Dad on the farm. I have always thought of my biological parents as my uncle and aunt, but now, I’ve no idea how they really feel about me – did they ever love me or did they just reject me.
I want to sit down with my biological parents and find out what happen. They still seem to have a very close relationship with each other, and I wonder if that would make it any easier for them to tell me. My point is, I don’t know how to approach this, is knowing a good idea or not – what should I do?

@ fearitoldsmobile - No mate, I don’t suffer from any deformities.

@ Tiger01204 – That is a astoundingly crass comment to make.

@ Sandy s – I found out by accident from a neighbour, who was very drunk at time, who had a go at me for out biding him at an auction; he just repeated what he had heard his parents discuss when he was a child (he got most of the facts wrong anyway).
My birth certificate names my aunt and uncle as my parents (my Mum and Dad in my eyes); they just register my birth in their names and kept silent. I have spoken to my Mum and Dad about their part in all of this, and they have told me about their role only after I came into their lives; they feel that they can not answer for my biological parents, which, I guess, is fair and correct.

Answer 1

My eldest daughter is now 36 years old & she was born just as I reached 16 (the day before in-fact) that was in the early 70's when it was quite possible to get an abortion.....if your biological parents didn't love you then abortion (31 yrs ago) was quite possible too. Your mother (biological) chose to go ahead with the pregnancy.....I realise living in Ireland would have made abortion almost impossible, but would be parents have found ways long before your birth of getting rid of an unwanted child.
Expecting that a child of 15 could have raised you alone & most likely out of the community would be inconcievable.....that's where your Aunt & Uncle came into the picture....you've grown surrounded by love. From your profile I would say you've grown into a young man that any parents would be proud of.
I would also hazard a guess that your biological parents are terrified that you'll learn the truth incase you hate them both for it.........talk to them both hun.....let them know you know the truth & ask them other stuff too.
It'll go a long way to put their minds & yours at rest......you have the right to know & they have the right to explain it if they so wish.
Good luck babe, I bet they're so proud of you but just frightened of causing all the stuff that seems dead & buried to be dug up again.
Children they may well have been, but they still would have had feelings....they'll still recall the events surrounding your birth.....for me to have had to watch my child growing up not far from me but yet so so far away would have been almost heart breaking......I'd be waiting for you to come to me.

Answer 2

Man that's a tough one? But I believe that the ??? you need to ask yourself is were your parents were good to you and really reaised you like one of their own. Many times bringing back old wounds would only cause hurt and resentment. Will knowing this will make you a better person. WIll you be more successful in life after finding answers that will probably be stupid, not fair or reasonable. If you dont have a concrete answer then you shouldn't do anything, you shouldn't walk through a dark tunel without knowing what your going to find. I believe that you are very fortunate to be adopted by your parents, I don't care how drunk your neigh was, he did that on purpose, that was mean and I would never trust him again. Do like the Bible "run and don't look back" Forget what you heard, block it from your mind when it comes back, pretend you never heard what you heard. When I'm not sure about something I just don't do anything, at least I'll not be making any mistakes. Be happy! Be happy! Count your blessings and love the parents that raised you.

Answer 3

You know what? If I were to know your age, I could come closer to telling what was going on in the world surrounding these circumstances. This makes a difference, believe it or not. However, this is a mixture of what I think happened and what actually has taken place. If you ever dive deeper into this, I would wager that I'm 75-100% right. This is my opinion on such a sensitive subject: Back in and before the 1960's incest was regarded as one of the "ultimate sins", therefore if done, things were kept VERY quiet. Hardly ever even spoken about. From that time till today it has been regarded still as a sin, but more of a dirty or filthy thing for two siblings. This is mainly because it was heard of more often. I could name a few OTHER things as well, but let's not go there. Still durring this time it is and was an extreme embarrasment to the couple. I would guess that these are the facts in this case. I would say that your real parents love you as much as your adoptive parents do. As a matter of fact, I would be willing to bet that there isn't anything about your life that they do not know and had at least some input on. While on the other hand, you're adoptive parents love you as they're own child and are very committed to the family. Which in turn is why that they stepped in to raise you. You should thank your lucky stars that you were born into such a family and didn't wind up where MANY of these children did. Otherwise you might still be looking for your parents. If that were the case, your finding them would be much, much more difficult for obvious reasons. Also keep in mind that at 15 and 17 years of age, what parents are able to commit to and financially raise a child? I believe that in this case, that your real parents did the only thing possible for them at the time. Now on to your original question as to "Do I want to know this-what should I do?" Well son you are already 1/2 way there as you already know...Now the trick is to discretely bring it up to them. This is what I would do if it were me: First go to your (father) and pull him aside alone. This isn't a 2 minute talk so allow some time for this. Tell him that you know. Don't act mad, angry or suspicious in any way. Keep a sollum look about you and simply ask what the circumstances were. He will know that the cat is out of the bag (so to speak) and therefore should do 1 of 2 things. 1) He will tell you about it with great relief. (can you imagine how HE has felt YOUR entire life?) or 2) Ask that his sister (your mother) be present durring this conversation. These are his only two choices as to NOT want to talk it over with you... Well lets just say that he then would be the type of person that you wouldn't want to know as a father anyway. So in regards to my opinion? I would say yes contact him for this conversation as you have extreme rights to this information and who better to tell you? I wish you all of the best luck in this situation as I could only guess how you feel on the subject.

Answer 4

This is very difficult. If your biological parents told you they were your parents it would be different. That would mean they were willing to talk to you about it. If you found out through some other means I wouldn't even attempt to talk to them about it.
Be happy that you are the result of a loving relationship even if it was illegal. They must have cared for each other a lot to break this centuries old taboo. They were very young and probably couldn't have brought you up themselves even if they had wanted to. They live close by and they could have moved away so they may have wanted to stay near to watch you growing up. This suggests to me that they cared for you and still care about you.
They may never want to talk about it though as they must have experienced a great deal of difficulties and criticisms about their relationship and will not want to be reminded of this.
You could start by asking your Mum and Dad about it as they must know most of the story. If they are willing to sit down and have a long and serious talk with you about it you could then decide if you feel it is possible to address the matter further.

Answer 5

May I suggest that you start with the parents who took care of you. They knew that this day would come, so they are more prepared than you are. Keep a cool head about you and though new emotions may present themselves, consider what you want to accomplish. You want to know the what, where, when and whys of your birth. This subject may be taboo, so go about it respectfully and carefully if you want to get as much information as you can.
If you want to talk with your biological parents,get your uncle to help you and try to speak to them separately for the start. You will know where to go from there. Just remember that this is a difficult situation and there may be a lot of reluctance in getting this conversation started. Use all of your support systems to get the information you need. This is your affair, and you are minding your own business.

Answer 6

Wow, you poor kid. You really have a mess to live with. What your Adopted parent did was save face for your family in the community. So I am gathering. In years past this was common for woman that had children out of wedlock. But to have a pair of siblings producing a child, was not usually heard of. I do not think your going to find them off guard, they (all) are probably waiting for you to say something. They are kind of acting like ostriches, with their head in the sand, ignoring the facts and just living daily life. If it is eating at you, confront them. But keep in mind it will most likely be treated as Pandora's box. Our society view this as immoral. Please do not get me wrong. NOT YOU AS IMMORAL. You are just an innocent kid. You had absolutely no control over this. Everyone involved must know the truth will come to light at some point. Good luck kiddo. May God send you peace over this.

Answer 7

Think about possible answers that you'll get and how each would make you feel - if they loved you and gave you away because they couldn't take care of you, if you were just an accident and rejected by them, if your parents forced them to give you up. There are all kinds of scenarios. What would you gain by knowing? What would you miss by not knowing? How is your relationship with them now? Are you close? Do they take an active interest in your life? Have you told anyone that you know they are your biolgical parents? You may want to talk to your parents first to get their perspective on things. Once you've done that, they may be able to help you approach your biological parents if you decide that's what you want to do.

Answer 8

From looking at the age of your biological parents at the time of your conception, I would say you were the result of teenage curiosity, hormones and lack of other potential sexual partners.
You are lucky to have found such loving parents in your Aunt and Uncle. It must have caused embarrassment, shame, and regret on the part of your true parents to see you grow everyday and not be able to say anything.
I cannot see what purpose would be served by asking them what they feel, they were only kids themselves when it happened.
Look how they treat you now, are they kind to you?. Leave it where it belongs in the past.
It is obvious you are intelligent, thoughtful and capable of great love. Enjoy life and your family - all of them! - make your time here worthwhile and forgive the mistakes of others.

Answer 9

I will ask, no matter what the out come maybe, it's always good to know, so that you will not go assuming the situation. You already have the desire to ask your bio-parents.. so I will go ahead and have a sit down talk, after all, they owe it to you. As a parent and an adult, they should have not kept you in the dark this long of time. However, you sounds like a strong and bright young man, whatever the answers maybe, be strong and be receptive. Remember, however we've all came in to this world, we have a purpose in this world, we're not a mistake..... God created you very special and He has a purpose for you in this life. God bless.

Answer 10

good ideas and bad ideas just happen, as do accidents. if you are in control of some ideas, and need more, then do it. you have a valid interest, as would you should you be having a significant other, and want children.

you can only ask for details that pertain to you. if its your need to find out their details that are personal like how did it happen, or why, you are not necessarily entitled to that history. everyone has covered it up for a reason, and being in on the truth may be all you get.

maybe not putting anyone on the spot, but personal interviews may also be beneficial to getting the "parents" to open up. maybe they are embarrassed or ashamed.

Good Luck