how to punish my 3 yr. old?

Question

I have a 3 year girl. I love her dearly. She will not listen to you what so eva. If We ask her to pick up her toys she runs out of the house. Once we catch her. We tell her this frase exactly-We are goiung to make you sit in the corner for 5 min. Because you ran away. And when we pick her up and carry her over there she kicks us and punches us and she call's me a *****. I do not know where she got that word from because me and my husband do not sware in front of her. We do spank her when she call's us that. But not so hard it leave's a mark. Then it is abuse. Now like the other day she colored and painted on the white wall in the hall-way. And we told her not to before. So when she did that we spanked her harder then when she swares. But it dose not leave a mark. Now what should I do? How do I control her? HELP?

Answer 1

Well, the time out needs to be only 3 minutes long since she is 3 years old. They have such a short attention span and by the end of the 5 minutes your daughter might forget why she is even sitting there. She got that word from somewhere and I am assuming it is when you think she is not around or listening and then you say it. Or she could be getting it from TV or anyone around her. Although I agree with spanking, getting physical over getting called a name is going to teach her to hit if she is called a name. Try to ask her where she picked up this nasty word. Supernanny would say to keep carrying her to that corner until she sit there the whole time. I have even seen on that show, parents carrying there child over there for 2 or 3 HOURS. Eventually she will get the point that you are not giving up. I would make sure to fix this problem as soon as possible. If she keeps this up, her teenage years are not going to be fun. Try talking to her when she is not upset. While coloring with her, ask her why she says such nasty things to you or why she thinks she need to draw on the wall. I think talking will make her think and feel like an important part of the way the family runs. As her what she thinks you should do when she uses inappropriate words. You could also talk to a doctor and see what they would recommend. I believe talking during calm times is really going to make you feel better and make her behavior change. Also, discipline is a much more respected word. We punish criminals, we discipline our children to teach them what is acceptable. Rewarding children for good behavior is a good way to let them know they are doing what is right. Even if it is only a hug and you telling her thanks for being good. Or say something like, "I like the way you are sitting and playing nicely" or whatever she is doing.

Answer 2

you know jacob thats not a good idea especially for a 3 year old! there was that woman that told her teenage daughter to be home by a certain time or the doors would be locked, the girl didnt believe her and the doors were locked adn the mom found out the next day she was raped and killed.

and what is it with you people and no spanking? everyone was spanked at some point in their life and that doesnt mean it made you or your parents a bad person as long as it wasnt everyday or for nothing at all or to actually leave marks, how can you say its abuse either way? you people are just afraid of child services coming after you

Answer 3

Abuse is not determined solely on whether it leaves mark. If you spank in anger, then that is abuse. Try making it a game picking up her toys, since this seems to be where it all started. If you participate she will be more likely to enter into the fun.
For bad words, try the old soap in the mouth. after all, her fanny is not the part doing the naughty thing. I would spank for running away, since she can get hurt or killed that way, but drawing on the walls does not endanger her, so is not a spanking offense. She can help clean the mess and lose toy and TV privileges.
Don't focus on punishment. Focus your attention on preventing bad behavior to start with. Establish rules, then be consistent in enforcing them, always with love and forgiveness. Give her plenty of attention when she's being good, compliment her on good behavior, so she won't feel she has to act out to get your attention.

Answer 4

I work at a daycare. Usually it's 1 minute each for their age-your daughter would be then sitting for 3 minutes. Try not to spank her. I know it'll be hard. Have a designated time out spot (on a stool, on a stair). Keep picking her up and putting her back there without saying ANYTHING to her at all. It might take a while, even up to an hour or so. When you first put her there, explain in a calm voice and get down to her level. Then after that say nothing. Eventually she should just sit there and pout. It'll take longer than 3 minutes. I just wrote that down because of what we're allowed to do at daycare. Once you see she's calm enough, get down to her level (eye to eye so that she doesn't feel intimidated) and tell her what she did or said isn't nice, etc. and that you want an apology.

This method has worked for me before.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Why are you telling her IF you do that I will spank you. The if it that phrase gives her permission to do that again and then be punished. Spanking doesn't work, it hurts while you're doing it, and then it's over. I suggest you put a lock on her bedroom door and leave her there to think. Then tell her that when she doesn't listen, you will take something of hers that she likes, or a privilege that she really enjoys. You need to be firm with her and let her know that for every bad things she does there will be consequences, if she swears at you, wash her tongue with soap...it's disgusting and she probably won't like too much, and no that's not abuse. Believe me next time she will think about saying something bad to you. Respect is what she needs to learn..
Sounds to me like mom is more scare of being call an abuser than taking care of the matter in hand.
It takes more than a spanking to be call an abuser.
good luck

Answer 6

1st off.. spanking doesn't work - it makes the kid start hitting... I would stop with the spanking - but, stick by the sitting in the corner.. if she doesn't want to sit there- keep putting her back - eventually she will learn that you are not going to back down.... consistency is the key.
when she calls you a *****- or whatever she is calling you- I would completely ignore that - she is trying to get a 'reaction' out of her. when you put her in the corner.. don't fight with her- don't even talk to her after the first time you tell her why she is there.. just simply pick her back up- and set her back there... don't show reaction that she is getting to you..
will take time-- but, she will learn.
KEY: she is trying to get a reaction from you... all this does.. is create both of you yelling- and going at it.. let her be the only one that is.

Answer 7

Firstly I think you'll be getting alot of comments in ref to the hitting as not many people agree, I think every parent is different and has their own ideas, HOWEVER... I don't think hitting your child is going to solve and of your issues you have with your daughter. Why don't you try a behavior chart? Every time she is good ( as I'm sure she is good as well!!) give her a sticker, when she reaches 20-30 stickers say you will reward her with a prize ( doesn't have to be huge just a small present) and when she is naughty then take one away or take away one of her toys if she has no stickers. The reward for being good could just be anything simple, ie eating a meal nicely, helping you out in the kitchen. As for the swearing, unless you never take your children out, they will always hear other people swear, doesn't have to come from the home.....Remember that spanking will only teach her that hitting is an ok thing to do as mummy and daddy do it.

Answer 8

I have three 4 year old boys. One is mine and two are my step children. For a long time I tried everyhing to try to control them even the one min.per age time outs. Finally i started using positive an negatiive reenforcement. we have set firm rules which we go over almost every day. They know that if they follow the rules they get a prize ( my kids know that money buys toys so normally they get some change to put in their piggy banks) When they do something wrong they get something taken away (money, toys, or something else they like) If we plan a fun trip and they have not followed the rules then the trip gets cancled. Don't get me wrong they still get time outs, and the most important thing about time-out is when they get out they need to tell you what they did wrong. You need to make sure she understands why she was put on time out. Just stay firm with your rules, your punishments, and don't let her rule you.

Answer 9

Sorry to inform you but not leaving a mark does not throw out abuse. Almost any physiologist will tell you today that hitting shouldn't be a form of discipline at all! I know it can be hard and frustrating, but when you hit your child your just teaching them violence's and how to have rage and anger in their hearts. like anyone would that was being hit. I have a 10year-old girl and a 4 year-old boy, who can be a handful often. You have to realize that these are children, and your allot smarter than they are, try a little reverse psychology. For instance ignore your child when they act out works wonders fr me , if they don't get an reaction from you usually they stop. Also , when my son Brian act bad I say stuff like "Wow I really wanted to take you to toy-saurous today but looks like you rather not, so I guess I take another good little boy that deserves it, because he treats his parents very well and respectful. It works every time!!

Answer 10

It is abuse whether it leaves a mark or not. You can punch someone with a fist and not always leave a mark.
Spanking is the easy way out. It is easy to hit someone/something when you are mad.....it takes effort to use effective parenting skills. Don't be lazy and hit your child, put forth a little effort and try something that will actually work. I would talk to your pediatrician and see what methods or books they recommend.