How to deal with an overwhelmingly annoying 13-year old little brother?

Question

Ok, he's not that bad really. I only get very angry with him because he overacts too much and try to be too sweet to mom every so often, that mom actually finds him annoying as well. And he's a bit spoiled as well: if he doesn't get what he wants, he throws a stupid tantrum which angers dad and that's why he gets spanked alot.
The things we fight about (me & him) includes the time limits on using my computer, video games, and doing general household chores. When it comes to chores, he is lazy -- if mom tells him to wash dinner's dishes he won't, so I'm either stuck washing them (even if it's not my turn -- we're on a "schedule" chores plan) or one of the family members is (i.e. mom, dad, aunt). He doesn't even bother to fix his bed after rising in the morn, & he has to be told to eat breakfast / lunch / dinner at the right time (because he eats very late: i.e. breakfast at half past eleven!).
Oh, & he doesn't listen, nor respects almost anyone in the house....

.... (except for mom & dad OCCASIONALLY). We do try to make the effort to listen to him, but it's as if he doesn't wish to listen to us in return. As was said before, he is a bit of a spoiled brat.
And he does the most annoying and uneccessary things within the house such as locking doors knowing someone is outside the house watering the garden / cooking barbeque.
However, he seems very normal outside of the home (such as when we go to church, the mall, etc.) and refrains mostly from this type of particular behaviour. Mom & dad have often wondered if he was being bullied at school or somewhere else, but he saids he doesn't.
It's as if, he unleashes all the nasty things within the home & seems to be an angel when we are with company outside (also when we have visitors over, he also behaves more politely).
I just want him to learn at least a bit of responsibility for his actions (i.e. consequences) and that he has responsibility to keep the house organized...

... just as everyone else who resides within the home. I try to do my rightful duty whenever I can, but his presence in the house often distracts me. Mom, dad, my aunt, grandfather, & me all find him to be particularly of annoyance.
Most of the time I feel like giving up. Often, mom succumbs to his "scheme" by letting him do the things he wants because she doesn't want him to get spanked by dad evertime he threw a spoiled-brat-tantrum. How can I inform her of this? What is the best possible way to make her realize this? Is brute force sometimes is the only way or can my 13-year old brother be talked through?
I have endlessly told mom that she treats him as if he was still a baby so often, but she often ignores me. Is she in denial?
And, I realize that 13-year olds are currently going through puberty and most say that the adolescent years are very rough times both to the child & parent. But, I wasn't this overexhuberent when I was 13. And I've "calmed down" when I was 14...

... I just wonder how long will it take for this behaviour to pass on.

Thanks for your advices.

Answer 1

Wow, he sounds like a pubescent boy. Imagine.

That said, you still need to keep your sanity. And since you are probably his closest role model, you have an advantage that your parents - who are clearly at a total loss as to how to deal with him - don't have.

Before tips and tricks, I am going to recommend that you check out your library and bookstore for books on child development. There are a lot designed to deal with his specific age group. Read one, read two, read a few - something will resonate. Give one to your parents, give one to your brother.

Your number one role is to be the role model. Under no circumstances should you try to play 'dad' - which I am guessing is what you have been doing... only because I as the oldest, and my own kid as the oldest, constantly tries to be the parent. It doesn't work and is the number one reason for battles in our household. Be his buddy and lead by example. I guarantee that he'll still try to wiggle out of work, but if you aren't trying to wiggle out of it and make him do it instead, he'll be more likely to chip in and help.

Forgive him his unmade sheets - he probably just figures that he'll be back in them in a little while anyway ;-) . But make your own bed and keep your area tidy. He'll notice, even if he pretends not to.

This is a 3 year project, at least, so don't think you have to fix everything today. Look at the end goal, not the immediate goal. Remember that his brain is rewiring itself from being a kid to being a man, and even though he might look mature, he is still a kid (who wants to be a man... sometimes).

I was reading an article - in some women's magazine - GH, maybe? - starting with the premise of a 17 year old girl whose bedroom is a disaster. They wisely pointed out that it is simply possible that the girl did not yet know how to deal with the mess. She simply wasn't mature enough to have developed organizing skills. The physical development of her brain wasn't ready to deal with it.

Of course, they didn't say 'leave the room that way' but it is interesting to note that even at 17 all of the neural connections aren't there - brains are in the building process all the way through adolescence.

I really recommend reading more about teen development, because it is impossible to fit all of the intricacies here and I've been wordy enough.

Answer 2

The problem with this child is directly related to what your parents did NOT do when he was young and maleable; trainable. Now he has developed a rather sociopathic behavior. He and your parents need counseling.

His behavior is NOT acceptable in any society or company. Your parents have lost all control and he is not self disciplined nor does he care about the consequences of his actions (as in sociopathic tendencies).

I urge your parents to get help with him NOW. YESTERDAYwas not soon enough!

Yes, one could try a good boot camp but if the parents aren't also trained in their methods, he will return to the same behavior.

Changing behaviors must start at the source of that behavior...your Parents.

As for you, depending on your age, you could put a lock on your door, or find a component to lock your favorite things in, or move out. If you cannot leave, it is now up to you to entreat your parents to get help with your brother. Do some homework about his behavior and its eventual outcomes to show to your parents. Express your love and concern for your brother and how this is disrupting the family peace.

My best to you.

Answer 3

i'm a 13 365 days old female too! the only way is to threaten which you'll be kicked out of the social gathering. i'm advantageous he will stop with the aid of then. And if he does not, kick his sorry @ss out! stable success and that i wish you sense greater suitable! <3

Answer 4

I'm a thirteen year historical lady too! The one means is to threaten that you can be kicked out of the get together. I'm definite he's going to stop with the aid of then. And if he does not, kick his sorry @ss out! Good success and i'm hoping you feel higher!

Answer 5

Step back. Most of the things you list are between him and your parents, and none of your business. You're not equipped to change anyone's behavior, you're just a kid yourself. Let your parents deal with it and just protect the things that affect you directly. Keep everything under lock and key.
.

Answer 6

your parents need to deal with him. He is only 13 and sounds like he is running the house your parents needs to sit him down and let him know who the boss is!

Answer 7

He's well past whoopings. You mom and dad need to send him to boot camp. He needs to have some fear instilled in his little weak heart, or else, he will turn out with no respect for authority as an adult. Your mamma babied him way too long.

Answer 8

Judging fromthe length of your question, You're venting. Do you feel better?

Answer 9

Wait until he grows up, this is temporary

Answer 10

Ignore him!