If you are not bound by religious rules...?

Question

...can you think of a good reason for mating for life? The more I think about it, the more it seems unlikely that humans are meant to have only 1 spouse in their life. It seems unreasonable to expect people to grow and stay together for such a long time - and unlikely that it can be done. We go through so many changes as parents and people - why should we constrain ourselves to 1 mate for life? What do you think?

I am a grown woman, happily married for some time. I will always be bound to my husband through our children - and for that I am glad I chose someone I will be able to work with for my life for the benefit of my children - but I reach a point where I begin to feel that we are not helping each other grow. I begin to feel that our journey into partnership and parenthood and all the stresses and strains of it have turned us into different people to some extent.

All of my parents have been married 3 times - I have seen the need for monogamy in a first marriage (to create, care for and protect the children), and I have seen people unable to make the transition from one phase of life to the next together - and in this economy and time in history it seems like the task is too big for just too people often times. A second marriage allows people to learn from their mistakes and enlarges the group, so kids learn and grow with new kids and new adults who love them.

I see lots of people struggling now and I wonder if we, as a group, will look at the concept of marriage and reassess it and redefine it so that it works for us or will we keep on as we are "because that is how it's always been".

I see an evolution coming in so many areas of our lives. It certainly bears considering.

Peace!

Answer 1

Agreed. When life spans were short, it made more sense. But nowadays, people live for a long time, and their needs in a mate will vary over time.

Answer 2

I made a covenant with my husband almost 26 years ago, and I plan to keep that covenant. That does not mean we do not have our problems- it can get hard sometimes- but life is not meant to just be easy all the time- marriage is not meant to be until we find someone else. When we think that we should be able to be married to more than 1 spouse in our lifetime, that makes it ok, to cheat, it makes it ok, not to try and make a marriage work. Even if I was not a Christian, I would want to be married to my spouse for life- where has commitment gone these days?- I am a musician and I played a wedding years ago where the wedding vows stuck with me- they said "I will stay with you, until I don't love you anymore". How sad is that? The most important relationship , next to our relationship with God is our mate- let's commit ourselves to being faithful to both.

Answer 3

True enough religious rules were formed for a moral main frame for societies to function as smoothly as possible. Well except the catholic invention of hell fire and damnation blah blah blah. But all communities and societies need guidlines to prevent anarchy from being the rule. Servival of the fittest. The logistics of procreation does not support one mate period let alone a life partner.[ There are thre basic types of sperm cells blockers, fighters, and swimmers.] The blockers form a gauntlet or barricade to block or impede the competition of another mans sperm. The fighters do as defined by name and the least numbered swimmers head straight for egg. First come first served. How's that for survival of the fittest at the molecular level.
That said it would be nice if more people could allow themselves the luxery of enjoying each others company while it lasts and not feel the influence of relious dogmas of needing someone to fulfill them or make them whole ie. Adam and Eve. Yet it is a permiation of over 2000 yrs. of teaching. I believe that a person should feel whole before entering a relationship or you are setting yourself up for failure.
Alas though there is very much to be learned from long term relationships. They take much effort of sacrifice ,growth, respect, willingness and perhaps even a deeper understanding of compassion and patience. So I guess we left to draw our own conclusions and choices.

Answer 4

Expectation does not matter...but you are implying it is unreasonable for people to grow and stay together through their lives.

We change...yes...but we must allow ourselves to change and allow our partner to change. If two people can allow the changes and accept them...they can also support each other in their individual paths. It is unreasonable to think mates for life means both have to be on the same path.

It is more like mountain climbing. There is a base camp that you go to for rest and support, but both climb their own paths.

If you go into the relationship for what you can get out of it...then you may want to trade in for another model later in life. But you truly give yourself to the other person and endeavor to support them in their life path...why look for another? You haven't finish supporting your current mate.

Life (particularly marriage) is spiritual practice...all through 'life cycle' there will be new challenges and situations you and your mate will throw each other in. Why call it quits and look for another?

I can only think it is for selfishness...you want something else. Perhaps lack of love or acceptance of the partner.

A relatioship should not be a prison, however, some times they fall apart and the best solution is to part. But this does not mean you don't intend to mate for life...things sometimes change. Also, this should not be used as an excuse to call it quits.

The person we marry should be someone we intend to stick with for life...otherwise, why tie the knot (ie tie into each others lives...like two strings or ropes can be knotted together)?

~ Eric Putkonen

Answer 5

The idea of "Til death do ye part" originated when most people died before reaching 40.

The social need for stable marital bonds is to give a secure environment for raising children. Once the children are grown, there's no reason why a marriage can't dissolve.

We might consider replacing lifetime monogamy with serial monogamy. One could have a teenage bond just for an outlet for the strongest sexual urges of your life. Then there could be a second bond for raising a family, then a third one for companionship in the later years. It could or could not be the same person every time, or one could change partners as one's needs changed (and one grew tired of someone).

Answer 6

It depends. Some couples when they get married they stay
together for life, but for some when misunderstandings and the of falling out of love for each other occur, they separate and seek somebody else. Staying together for life entails
a continuing harmony and communication between two
people. Falling out of love happens when these factors
mentioned cease to exist. Also, trust in one's husband or wife is imporant to make marriage a success.

Answer 7

There are entire species of animals that mate with only one partner for their whole lives and they have no religious reasons for doing it. After a while you will realize that multiple partners usually equals multiple problems. People can be pretty $hitty sometimes you know. So when you find that one person that clicks just the right way and you are in love with them then you don't think about whether it is for religious reasons or whether more partners would be better. You found your one and you are happy.

Answer 8

You can't see it because you either are very young and have little experience or you have grown up seeing divorce and heartbreak in love. It can and should be ONE mate only for us humans. Love can be a rough road but with many rewards. (How's that for corny??LOL..TRUE, though!) It's on that journey that we build memories. Some sad, some happy, but spent with that one special person. We can look back on the hard times and be amazed at how we made it through...yet together. Staying together takes work sometimes and some people are just lazy, for lack of a better word..

Answer 9

Meh. I'm not bound by religious rules and I still think there is one person for another. But in this society having more than one partner, despite the fact it is supposedly in human nature, is looked down upon and can only cause more trouble. That's also an excused used by those who want to "sow their wild oats." It's just a matter of self control, really. Some people don't have that.

Answer 10

I am not bound by religious rules, but I htink if you choose to marry then you choose that person for life. if you dont marry then feel free to leave that person at any time and move on your way. but marriage is a commitment you make to another that should only be made if you are serious about spending your life with them. what makes my days worth living is my loving husband by my side. I dont need someone new as everyday with him is something new.