Who Knew Cops Had A Sense Of Humour!?

Question

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop"XD

star if u found this funni

Answer 1

Revenge:

I thought you had to be in fit physical shape to be a policeman.

If they say; "gee son, your eyes look red, have you been drinking", don't reply with; "gee officer, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts"?

You're not going to check the boot, are you?

Remember, I pay your salary.

Is it true a policeman is what you become when you're too stupid to work at McDonalds?

Arrest me for swearing, oh yes, that will keep the streets safe.

I'm assuming you're cranky because you haven't slept with your wife for a few weeks, have you noticed how she doesn't seem to be so foul-tempered?

Ever thought of being a clwon at children's parties, not as many people will hate you, less will be scared at your face, and you won't have to wear such a ridiculous cosume.

Hey, aren't you that guy from the Village People?

What's it like to have no other job prospects?

Wow, you must have been doing at least 100mph to catch up with me, good job Schumacher.

You've sped, just like me, you've been acting stupid, jsut like me, plus, to top it off, you're a policeman, shouldn't I be writing YOU a ticket?

Gee that's great, the last policeman only let me off with a warning too.

When you're asked; what speed was showing on your speedometer, it's probably wise not to reply with; I don't know, but my thickometer just went off the scale.

A kid was found playing with some excrement in the road, and a policeman asked him what he was doing, the kid replied "making people", the policeman asked him if he could make a policeman, the kid goes; "nope, not enough sh**.

Oh, might I suggest you never go up to a mounted policeman and say; "I thought they was supposed to put the pr*** underneath the horse".

I've got so many more, but I can't remember them at the moment.

Answer 2

Policeman stops man on a motorbike for speeding.

Policeman, "Do you realise you were doing over 93 MPH" ?

"I'm sorry" said the Biker.

"Iv'e been parked hear all day just waiting for you", said the Policeman.

Biker, "Well I got here as quick as I could".

Policeman had a good laugh and let him go for his cheek.

Answer 3

A cop pulls a guy over for speeding on Trowbridge Street. He gets to the car and says, "Good afternoon Mr. Trowbridge. I pulled you over for excessive speed. " The guy says, " Hey a**hole, my name's not Trowbridge." The cop says, "Sorry about. The way you were driving I thought you owned the f*****g road!"

Answer 4

Yes they are funny.

I believe all stressful jobs create some comedians, its a good way to cope with stress.

Answer 5

Yes it was X Cindy

Answer 6

i liked the mickey mouse on i told it to my lil bro

Answer 7

i would say very true & a sad state of affairs as far as is.

Answer 8

lol im going to use those if you don't mind

Answer 9

cool

Answer 10

lol i like them all very funny!!! =)