My sister in law and her husband are planning to adopt soon, they have had a house study? done, and are going to meet with an adoption lawyer towmorrow morning. What can l say to convince her that this is a big mistake? l'm not against adoption pursae, but they haven't even considered using IVF yet, just went straight to adoption! Does anyone have some suggestions on what l can do or say?
2007-07-03 18:52:25 · 28 answers · asked by Darlene 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Well, personally l find that a very rude statement! l'm sorry, but why do you need to tell her it's a mistake? The decision to start a family is between a husband and wife, nobody else. As a foster/recent adoptive parent, l find it ridiculous that someone else would even have an opinion such as this, and certainly from my own standpoint l would discount it as sour grapes/resentment, etc. Your opinion is your opinion, and you have every right to it, but please wait until you're asked until you offer thoughts such as these. Sorry, l know that's probably not what you wanted to hear!
2007-07-03 19:19:32 · answer #1 · answered by Sonja 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
IVF is expensive, and not for everyone, also there is no guarentee that doing IVF will bring a child into your home, with adoption, you have a better chance of bringing home a child.
How anyone builds their family is not anyone else's business. You don't exactly rush into adoption like an unplanned pregnancy. You can't just one day decide "oh lets adopt" and then the next day have a child. Its a process, which isn't for everyone. It is a hard process, and you have no right to judge them for choosing adoption over IVF. You are not the one who will have to live with the choices, they are. If biology isn't important to them, why is it so important to you? A baby is a baby. A child is a child.
If they want to adopt, don't be so negative. I would say let them, but seriously, you have no choice to let them or not. Its not your choice, but theirs.
Adoption is a wonderful way to build a family.
2007-07-04 10:17:26 · answer #2 · answered by Morgaine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure they have thought about all the options and chosen adoption over IVF for a reason or number of reasons. Maybe instead of trying to tell them you think it's a mistake, you can ask them about their decision making process and why they chose adoption first...maybe their answer will make sense? And really, why is it your business to do or say anything?
What if they only have enough money to try one or the other? What if they aren't good candidates for IVF for some reason? What if they feel that adoption is what God has chosen for them (if they're religious)?
2007-07-04 07:55:00 · answer #3 · answered by ladybmw1218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you try to talk them out of adopting a child that needs someone to love and a real home? Even if they tried IVF there is no guarantee it would even work. Then they would be out all of that money and might not be able to afford to adopt or any other option at all. Let her and her husband make the decision. It has nothing to do with you whatsoever.
2007-07-04 01:58:25 · answer #4 · answered by Arcangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We chose to adopt without seeking any fertility treatments. We wanted to be parents and after talking to so many people who had gone through tough infertility treatmants we knew that adoption was the best choice for them. Other adoptive parents I know said they wish they would have never gone through the struggle of IVF, and started the adoption process instead.
I'm sure they've thought about all of their options, and do not need you to be unsupportive. Also, you voicing this opinion would be like saying that an adopted child is "second best". Please just be supportive, and if you ever find yourself dealing with infertility then you can seek any treatments you wish.
2007-07-04 02:22:35 · answer #5 · answered by Angela R 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
why are you against there decision. maybe they are done trying to get pregnant and just want a baby. maybe they feel like it didn't happen naturally for them for a reason. they made there decision and you need to respect that. myself and my hubby always said that if it didn't happen naturally for us we would adopt. it isn't as easy as o just try ivf you have to go thought allot of studies and tests and hormone therapies etc and there is a good chance it wont even happen then or that yo will loose that baby or end up with a half dozen babies. I'm not saying that ppl who do those things are wrong everyone has to make there own decisions about this for there own reasons. they have made there's so you need to respect that.there is more than one way to make a family.
2007-07-04 02:01:00 · answer #6 · answered by fairy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stay out of it. It is absolutely none of your business, in regards to how they choose to grow their family!
IVF is expensive (sometimes it can end up costing more than adoption) and there is no guarantees that it will work (where with adoption, there generally IS a baby in the end).
Adopting is NOT a big mistake, it is a wonderful way to create, or grow, your family. And it is your SISTER IN LAW and her HUSBAND'S decision, not yours.
What you can do is offer them support, or leave them alone!
2007-07-04 05:54:15 · answer #7 · answered by StayAtHomeMomOnTheGo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They are following their hearts. My husband and I went from no children to the adoption process, and we thank God several times a hour for allowing us the privilege of becoming parents to our daughter. Fertility treatment is not always the answer and is NOT a guarantee you will become a parent, it does not always work. Suggestion: Be happy for them, rejoice in the gift of a child that God is giving them. Be proud of them for not caring that this child is not a biological "product" of their marriage. Get over your prejudices. A child is a child, it matters not how the child is brought into the family. They already love this child, they are ready to become parents of this child and it's not anyone's place to question the love they have for this child. Calling the adoption a mistake is the same as calling the child a mistake. Shame on you for calling this child a mistake.
2007-07-04 02:04:54 · answer #8 · answered by ihave5katz@yahoo.com 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yea you should mind your own business thats what they want to do then thats what they want to do. I'm sure that ivf was a thought of the process and sometimes after you've tried everything to get pregnant just one more trip to the doctor is like one more trip to the dentist to get your teeth pulled. She's probably been proked and prodded shes tired and all they want is a baby so let them adopt a baby they've had the house search and everything else. You need to let them be and do what they want to do.
2007-07-04 01:56:47 · answer #9 · answered by cutenwild1769 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you know anyone who has been through IVF? Do you know that it is an expensive and painful process and is often unsuccessful, building up hopes for the would-be parents just to leave them with an empty wallet to go with the empty womb?
If your sister-in-law and her husband have made this decision, it is between the two of them. If you have a very close relationship with the couple you can voice your concerns, but be careful not to stand in judgment of their plans. They may have reasons for their actions that you aren't aware of, and (to be blunt) may be none of your business.
2007-07-04 01:59:57 · answer #10 · answered by mrscjr 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋