I want to breakup with my boyfriend of 5 yrs bcuz the relationship is not going anywhere. But hes my soulmate?

Question

So the situation is like this: Weve been going out since our freshman yr. I have always really really loved him, but Im 25 now, and feel like I want to get married. He is my age but doesnt see the point in getting married so early. I know for a fact that he loves me very very much and doesnt see himself being with anyone but me. I know if I said I were to leave him, he would marry me. But the thing is this - do I want to marry someone under duress? Also, my mom has set me up with a really great guy who wants to marry me. Im a reasonable person who I feel will get along with most people, but the connection I have with my boyfriend I feel is very rare and even though I may find happiness with others, I highly doubt Id ever find a connection like this again...Please help me.

Answer 1

There are several problems going on here. Don't rush into marriage just because you "feel like you'd like to get married". It's not something you should just "feel like" doing. It's a serious, serious committment. You should never manipulate someone into marrying you. Look back at the statement that you made.

"I know if I said I were to leave him, he would marry me."

That is like trying to trick someone into marrying you. That isn't fair to him, and if he does that he may resent you. I would never do that to someone. Think about it like this. Would you want to be tricked into marrying a guy? You probably wouldn't like it very much either. Next, your mother doesn't seem to have a great deal of respect for your relationship or she wouldn't be setting you up on a date with another guy. That doesn't right at all. Also, if you believe that a guy wants to marry you without even truly knowing you, then something is a little off with him. That seems a bit desperate or at the very least, almost trying YOU into marriage. Again, that doesn't seem right.

The thing that stands out above all the rest of this is that you said that you have a connection with your boyfriend that is so rare. It may be rare, but it may also be the connection that belongs between friends. You need to sit down and have a talk with your boyfriend. Forget about your mom and this other guy for a moment. Concentrate on THIS relationship only. Ask him about the future. Ask him if he thinks this is going anywhere. Ask him about marriage but don't try to say that you want it RIGHT NOW. Don't push a date on him, just ask him if he thinks that he could see himself with you in marriage. Sit down and talk. Iron out your differences about marriage. Figure out why you are so quick to rush into it. You may be dealing with a fear inside of you of being single. I know I used to be like that and I tried to push a man into marriage. It didn't work for me either. Don't make a choice until you've had a talk with your boyfriend.

Answer 2

if u have been goin' out for that many years and both of u r old enough to be married i can't think of any reason why he doesn't want to marry u. probably it won't be a good idea to get him to marry u by saying that u will leave. so maybe have a talk with him and let him know somehow how badly u want to be married to him. hopefully he will take the hint and do something about it. and the guy your mom setting u up with can be good candiaite if ur relationship with ur bf doesn't go as u hope but that doen't mean u should jump into it just because u want to get married. move on if u r not happy. what's the point of continuing the realtionsip if u r not happy with what u have?

Answer 3

Ok to be honest here and though I don't know either of you. But I have to say that he couldn't really be your soulmate. I mean if he was he would want to spend the rest of his life with you of his own free will and not just do it because you will leave him. Not to mention didn't you guys talk about this stage at some point in the relationship? Because I think it would have been a smarter option to have done that first, instead of springing it on him.

As for your mom, I know parents mean well but to me it just sounds like she is pimping you out to another guy because you want to be married now. That is not cool at all. You should have your free will to choose another partner not just someone your mom thinks is good for you because he wants to marry you.

I'm also sure you will find another connection you are probably only thinking in terms of what you like in your current boyfriend and think that no one else could give you that. But I say sometimes you just have to broaden your horizons it really is for the best.

Answer 4

Explain to your boyfriend that you are getting to the age of child bearing. If you wait too long to have your first child, there could be complications. Tell him that you love him, and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but that you need him to be willing to make the same commitment to you by marrying you.

If he does not want to even think about it, then he will probably never get married. If you tell him that you can not wait forever, and he truly loves you, he will at least set a date. If he says no, then move on, but do not get married to just anyone. Wait until you find the right person.

Answer 5

the thing is, we cant really tell if a person is or isnt our soulmate. we would only find out after spending the rest of your lives together. and by then it could be too late, or not.

and if you're considering on choosing this other guy that your mom is hooking you up with, you might want to re-assess your feelings for this 5 year bf. the fact that you considered this other guy tells me that you're not really sure about this 5 year bf.

talk to your bf. tell him how you feel. see how he reacts to what you say.

PS. i said the exact same thing about my ex bf, but now that im with my fiance, i've never been happier :)

Answer 6

this is too deep of a commitment ton play a game with. If you and your boyfriend have the deep connection that you say you do,when you tell him of your feelings he will understand. If he does not understand and feel the same way then he is not on the same wave lenghth that you are and then you will know your answer and move on. if it is truly meant to be he will see it when you give him a nudge, if he is just being complaincent and scared. If he does not feel the same connection you will know it in a second and then you must realize it and move on.

Answer 7

If he is the one, then wait. You can't just leave him because you have different veiws on when to get married, that's just silly. Talk more about it. You don't want to get married to a guy just because you want to get married! You get married for love and future, not because you're ready.

Wait for him to be ready. Men are more hesitant about this, but it will come. Don't jump the gun and marry the guy you're mom set you up with because you want the wedding.

Answer 8

Do you want to break up with your b-friend because of this other guy your mom hooked you up with or what...?
Have you been cheating with this guy?
He's your soulmate, but you want to kick him to the curb?
He doesn't want to marry yet and I don't blame him, you are still very young.
Time flies when you're having fun, I would take it one day at a time. If you really want to break up, then do it and stop wasting yours and his time.

Answer 9

First of all what is soulmate to you?.. if you think your bf is your souls mate why you think you may find your happiness with other? And maybe have good talk with you bf regarding of what youre thinking about your making your relationship to the next level. Good luck!

Answer 10

The connection is very important if you are marrying for love (I did but some do not.)

If this is truely important to you, you need to find a way to wake him up to what is going through your mind and let him know.

I dated my husband only a couple of weeks before we decided to marry, and actually he told me he was going to marry me and I simply said okay.