Not a single parent but feel like one?

Question

I was wondering what I should do....here's my situation. My boyfriend and I have a three year old son and we're expecting another any day now. He's 24 and I'm 23. I know we're young blah, blah, blah. But when he's not at work he's constantly hanging out with our friends, who, by the way, don't have children, and leaving me to take care of our three year old. I'm the one who gets up with him every day...not that I don't like to, but sometimes a girl needs a break too! I do EVERYTHING!! He just plays with him. And his mother still spoils the crap out of him. The lady waits on him HAND AND FOOT!! I've asked her not to and told her that that is one of the reasons we argue but she continues to do this!!! He's too concerned with partying and being with his friends. I had to grow up so why doesn't he have to? Any advice on what to do?

For all of you who keep saying use birth control....yes the first one I agree, but with the second one, I WAS ON BIRTH CONTROL!!! Don't just assume that I'm not taking responsibility for my actions! That's not the case!

Answer 1

Been There. Now that you are a mom, you HAD to grow up and fast. But your boyfriend feels that he's just there to be dad when its time to play. The fun one. while you do all the work, take care of the child, and your bf doesn't realize how tiring it can be. So you need to show him. Plan an unexpected weekend away, even if its just going to a friends. Make him care for the child for 48 to 72 hours. Give him a long list of dos and don'ts, and make sure HIS mother understands that she is not the one to take care of the child. Your BF needs to learn and the only way is to dump the responsibility into his lap, even for a few days. It took my hubby several years and two children, and I had to have major surgery for him to realize that there is more to being a parent then being a fun dad. good Luck

Answer 2

Here are some gentle suggestions. First of all stop with the nag and trying to change mom, You can only control you.
See if you can get Grandma to be a support system for you. Ask her for help and support BUT without complaining about her son. " June, you are so close to Pete and such a great mom, I want you to know little Pete better. Could you take him maybe one night a week so he doesn't have such a hard time with the new baby coming" You need the nap and time for you.
Ask your boyfriend if he could come home from work, eat dinner, play with 3 year old and then after you have had a bath and some time to recharge, then go out. Or Try to set up a time where he is out Tuesdays and Fridays but home the other nights. Look realistically, he isn't going to just stop being the single guy, but maybe you can get him to compromise and move a little closer to what you need.
Do you have someone that could watch baby some and give you some time. Ask a friend. look for a high school student who needs to earn a little money.
I know it is not much consolation, but your man will have to decide his family is important enough to come home to.
When your boyfriend says he loves you, Remind him love would have brought him home.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

He will do just what you let him get by with...... and I do not mean to put all men in the same catagory here, so MEN do not get angry here, but, most men have that *macho* thing going on, the one where they*think* that they are *hen pecked* if they even remotly look like they are domesticated...... am I right ????????? and most men were not raised by MOM to do the domestic thing... so we too, have to take some of the blame for the attitude about child rearing..... I taught my sons (3) how to cook, wash dishes and clotthes, etc., but I never thought about the this issue, MY BAD !!!! and it shows in 2 of them, the 2 with kids !!! they too, like your hubby believe that the little womans place is to rear the infants, etc..... and I am here to say publicly that I goofed !!!!!!!!!!!!!! SORRY !!!!!! but, then again, there are limits, and this is just a fact, the man is the second caregiver and not the main.... some things, and I know I will get yelled at and such for saying this, but think about it, HONESTLY, that a man is just not cut out to be, and that is a MOM..... a true , in every sense of the word, MOM........ but, just a suggestion here, try just getting dressed, saying see ya later, and walking out the door and leaving him with the baby..... just for an hour or 2..... dont want to put the man in shock !!!! or the baby !!!!!!! God bless

Answer 4

You had to grow up because you were the one who carried the child for nine months and are caring for the child. He has not grown up because as yet, he has no responsibilities.

The only answer I can give is that you need to talk to him and lay it all on the line or take care of your children and start using birth control.

He may not know what he is doing, but he may fully understand. Until you sit down and talk with him, you will never know. While you are at it, you should start thinking if you can raise both children on your own.

Answer 5

OH MY GOD!!!!!! this same thing happened to my sister 3 years ago she had her son Gio and another baby on the way her husband was always out with his friends and his excuse was he was working all day he needed some time to unwind.
But when was her time to unwind. So what she did was she went on strike yes strike she planed a week with her Friend and she went on vacation left her son and the house all to my brother in law and told that if things did not change when she got back from vacation she will take her kids and leave him because apparently he wants to live the single life so she will give him just that. But before you take this approach please speak with him and let him now how you feel. Best of luck in your relationship.

Lilian-

Answer 6

i'm a christian and that i've got faith that as long through fact the toddler is enjoyed it is going to finally end up fantastic. whether it rather is single parents, classic mom father parents or gay parents. Love is a similar no count the source. i replaced into raised with the aid of a single mom and that i had a greater suitable upbringing than some pals who had the two parents.

Answer 7

When he gets home hand him the baby, and say ill be right back, I have to go to the store. Dont come back until later that night. Me and my husband are the same age but he knows better than to pull that crap.

If he has never been alone with your child, he has never felt the weight of the responsibility. Make sure he gets alone time with your newborn too while the baby is still very young.

Answer 8

you sound like my niece! shes going through the exact thing except she already had their sec on child!
I don't know sometimes the men think they always can come and go as they please ,see who they want and do what they want and when they want to?
They do need to grow up already !
Gee'z a mama's Boy huh?
Eww' not good!
well first off don't allow your mother -law to let you know how you really feel ,esp if she is ignoring you about NOT doing babying her grown son!

She is making it a contest as to who your boyfriend loves the most probably you or her?

So i would just act like it didn't bother me at all !
In fact if he is not wanting to grow up and take responsibility and quit his parting ,you can give him an ultimatum?
1.Either be the man he is supposed to be and take care of his family and quit his parting or
2.Pack your bags and goe home to mommy!

Ps i would make sure you want to do this before so and if you decide to to kick him out then make him pay child support regardless !

sorry! to say but sounds like he is a dead beat!
you can make it on your own if you need to ,seem's you are already!!
their are centers for single moms look online to find one nearest you !
God bless & take care
congrads on the new one to come!

Answer 9

You have 2 children and expecting a third. You can't "make" him step up to the plate and be a man.....and it doesn't look like he's going to do it on his on.

If you're going to stay with him (I wouldn't) you should make certain there are no more children.....and accept the fact that you really are a single mother....accepting it and not fighting it will make it easier.

Answer 10

Hate so say it but you have become a convenient babysitter for someone who has the feeling that he has no responsibilities , and no cares whatsoever . Leave him, hit him with support and try to make a life for yourself and your children. as what your are living with is not good for them.