Is it time to move on?

Question

I've been with my girlfriend for about two years. We've had a pretty wild ride, and we fight no less than 70% of the time we've been together.
She has a very internet-based life, and makes good "friends" on the internet very often. Turns out she has developed these crushes for some of them, when I asked about it, she lied and abused me for not trusting her (she later told me that she did have feelings for them).

I work an average of 55 hour week and when I come home she never wanted to hang out, she wanted to use the computer. Well after several years of this, I've grown tired and I think I've fallen out of love with her.
I've been spending a lot of time with a girl at work, who I'm starting to have feelings for (which I never thought I could have feelings for anyone else) and my girlfriend is very upset over it.
I know she has done some pretty nasty things to me in the past, but I still love her, though I think as a friend, since I do not want to be with her anymore. It genuinly

breaks my heart when I see her upset. I think that the reason we've stayed together this long is because I hate seeing her upset, and I feel like I'm not in love with her, but it's more remorse for falling out of love with her.

Like I said we had a pretty wild relationship, but we have so much history together, I can't think of anything that didn't involve her. She's pretty much a part of me now.

This other girl I like has a boyfriend, but the past few weeks she's all I've been thinking of. It feels like the first time I fell in love, which felt like magic.

The last time my girlfriend had feelings for someone, she didn't care about how I felt and actually was pretty nasty to me during that time. Even though she has been a bit mean, I still can't stand seeing her hurt, she really has done a lot for me the past few years.

What should I do?

Firstly, thank you all for the responses.

Second: she has already moved out, but she is trying everything to stay together. She said she will change (which she has said before) and she is absolutely devestated. She doesn't care if I have feelings for someone else as long as we stay together. It makes it so difficult, but it isn't fair to her if I am only with her out of pity.

It's just such a hard decision to make, we have become part of each other, and everything I can remember involves her.

p.s I haven't cheated on her, no physical action with the other girl has been taken.

Answer 1

I think you in a sense have already moved on, you just need to finalize it. If she cared for you, she wouldn't have had on line relationships that had to be hidden. She would have been proud to "show you off" to her new friends. Plus, fighting 70% of the time doesn't leave you much time together. What 10% sleep, 15% work and only 5% together without a fight. That isn't working. You have said in black and white you fell out of love, but still love her. Of course you love her, you gave her part of you for so many years. That wont go away over night. It is time to leave and start new. You deserve it. Good Luck and Happy 4th of July.

Answer 2

Your question looks unfinished; perhaps space limited? Reply: It might take both of you to make & agree to some rules about your relationship if you want to save it. Cheating is more than a physical interaction. You can have an emotional affair. Some damage has already been done but there is still a chance to make things better. From what you describe though I'd cut my loss and move on. Just do the right thing and break up with her first before pursuing another girl. Another question you should ask: Should you get involved with someone at work. Not a good idea for a lot of reasons. Best of Luck.

Answer 3

You two live together, as in "when I come home". One of you has to find a new home. This should be the first priority, as the emotional thing is finished, and cannot be misdirected with the housing.
One of you has to get a new place, and figure whose possessions are whose. She can rant and rave and it won't help you. It actually won't help you with this new girl, bf or no bf. It is time to move on, and if you care for her, she will see this, or you may find a way to make her see this is for the best. She can follow her bohemian life, have her computer, her online friends, and totally be involved in her own life. You both may need smaller places.
Two rooms are good for you right now, with utilities included. As the mother of a boy whom couldn't figure how to leave his cheating girlfriend, it escalated and she trapped him with relatives. i recommended get a two room place, it has a bedroom with a place for your clothing and laundry, and a room for the refrigerator and stove. you may have to supply the cabinet, and your entertainment preferences. It is a good safe beginning, and a lot of nice neighborhoods rent these for moderate prices. Get on your own. If you share a car...
get on a busline, until you can afford more safely. Don't give your old gf your new address, no matter how much you and she care. She is too self engrossed, and you need to figure your own life, do your own laundry, and keep your job, and emotional saneness. You will need a new gf., get a new life.
Tell the gf you are leaving, your preferences for how you want your life, and the things you need at home to make you happy. She will listen as if she will then do these things, she won't. You will be able to make the statement, and follow through at some time in the near future. The sooner you move on, the better for your life.

Answer 4

OK, than, U have answered your own question!! U are hangin' out with someone else....the current girl has created another life without U, so get movin'....whether U all want to stay friends or not, it might be difficult to do that, especially since she has done U wrong before....good memories are Awesome to take with U, but done forget what went wrong too...U are so lucky u all aren't married, what a much bigger mess U would probably be in...do the right thing and leave the computer junkie and see what happens with the new love?!
Good Luck!!
:]

Answer 5

I believe your problem was in the very second line of your statement(we fight no less than 70% of the time we've been together).After only two years, it is the equivalent of fighting on your honeymoon. What is happening now was inevitable.The writing is on the wall and it say's it is time for both of you to go your separate ways. As sad as it may seem when you both suggest and accept the idea, you are no longer in love with her, and she spends more time on the internet(and with her new friends?)than she does with you. All that is left is to work out a friendly and amicable way to effect the break-up.Sometimes, breaking up is the best solution or course of action.I wish you both the best.

Answer 6

Please move on b/c if she was interested in saving y'all relationship @ all she wanted to do was get onto the Internet and flirt with these guys. Well do ur thank and if u were a woman in an abusive relationship I will tell u the same thing leave him, so since it's vice verse I am still going to tell u to leave ur abusive girlfriend. If the other girl makes u happy then do u baby and leave that other female alone.

Answer 7

I mean, if you've fallen out of love-I personally don't think you can fall back into love with that same person. It's just not meant to be. Sadly, someones feelings are going to have to get hurt. Wouldn't you rather her feelings get hurt because you were a man and told her that you think yall should break up? Or would you rather hurt her by cheating on her? Good Luck.

Answer 8

if you genuinely don't want to be with her, then don't be with her. but you would need to also look at it from her point of view. i mean, if she hardly gets to see you because you have a busy load at work, and she's got spare time on her hands, it's only natural that she'd turn to the internet in search of friends, and after a while, could turn into something more. and it's because of that lack of attention she gets from you. it will be hard to get things back on track between the two of you because both of you are used to this lifestyle. and it's because of that time apart with one another that has taken its toll on the relationship, getting your feelings confused. it's like having your mind play tricks on you. as long as the two of you havnt acted upon those feelings you think you have towards other people, you can use this as a way of spending more time with her. if you feel the damage is already done, then be friends and move on

Answer 9

Wow! ask yourself, did you fall out of love with her BEFORE you met your coworker. Sorry, but it sounds like you're trying to justify cheating.

I dont know, has your girlfriend ever met anyone online. A crush on an online friend is a lot different than someone you could actually be intimate with. You have to be honest with yourself.

Besides, if you are having feelings for someone else maybe it is over.

Answer 10

Look, this girl is simply using your feelings to her advantage. She is upset for no fault of your own. You have done nothing wrong by feeling for someone else, your fortunate to still be able to feel. There is nothing wrong if you still love her, although give her a ultimatum that she either chooses to understand your feelings or your out! Be firm cause she will test you.