He doesn't know what he wants?

Question

My guy friend and I have been dating for three months almost. Things were going really great, but the past week he's been acting really distant. I talked to him last night (and it probably doesn't help that I was talking to him at 1:30 in the morning), and it left me feeling worse than I did before. He said a lot of stuff that confused me, like he doesn't know what he wants, he's confused about everything, and that he wants to be close to someone but have freedom to move around. He said he still loves me and he's not going anywhere, but I feel hurt and confused. He also said he's going camping this weekend with his family and hopefully he'll "get some sort of sign" as to what to do about things, i.e. our relationship. I think he just needs space to think, but I'm not sure. What can I do/say? Should I try to fix things or will that make it worse? How can I stop feeling so crappy (without moving on or anything else)?

I'm supposed to hang out with him the day before he leaves, and I want to try and change his mind about me. I want to show him that I really love him, without seeming clingy or psycho.

Answer 1

Let him be. Change your thoughts and your feelings will follow.

If you are happy, loving, respectful and accepting of him even in his confusion, he will feel a great relief and understand that you love him. If he has to continually console you while trying to find his own way, that will wear on him and push you two away. If you try to give advice and fix him, that is disrespectful and he we feel manipulated, thereby pushing you away.

To stop feeling crappy, you will need to focus on yourself. Stop obsessing about him. Leave him alone in his time of needing to be alone.

Have you been acting clingy? Needy? Is he your everything? Does your happiness depend upon him? Does he need to constantly reassure you? Give him space and freedom, find your own fun and happiness, be cheerful and stop trying to help him (unless he asks) and you will greatly increase your chances of staying together.

Kind regards.

Answer 2

Let him go camping without putting any pressure on him. Calmly let him know that you do still care, and that you are willing to give him the space/time that he needs.

He will see that you respect his space and privacy - and that you aren't too clingy. This will (hopefully) come to him while he is camping...

In a moment of quiet solitude, it will occur to him how wonderful you are, and how lucky he is to have someone as wonderful as you. Someone who is IN his life, not RUNNING it.

If you try to push things right now, it will only make him head off to camp thinking "Finally - a moment of peace from that annoying b*tch". Even if he doesn't really see you that way - the stress he is under will make you come off like that.

I know this won't make the hurt go away, but it should put your mind at ease - and with any luck, it will do the exact same thing for him :):)