mean five year old?

Question

my daughter threw a fit today while over to grandma's holding on to her grandma's leg saying that she wanted to stay with them, that she didn't want to go home, In the middle of an emotional breakdown, I freaked told her that I felt like she didn't love mommy and daddy. Ofcourse I know that five year olds don't have the ability to reason. But this is an all the time thing anymore. Everytime we go to see family she says she doesn't want to be with mommy and daddy anymore. A lot of it is jealousy because she has a two year old brother who she feels gets more attention than her. I try to spend time with her, I told her that we love her and him the same, that we didn't love him more than her. But her constant fighting, and saying hateful things has really hurt me. I am loosing it and can't deal. I'm already in a fight against severe depression. How can I make this stop. I have tried spending more time with her alone but nothing seems to work. I feel like I should take her to counseling

are there any suggestions for a mom that is standing on the edge of a cliff getting ready to jump off well, not in the literal sense.

how can I help her to understand that she shouldn't say such hurtful things...

Answer 1

It is part of being a child so get down to her level so you are eye to eye and restate that it is time to go. Don't raise your voice, but be firm. Get the kids, kiss the Grandparents and go.

Give the screaming and tantrums about 30 seconds to allow her time to vent and quietly but firmly let her know time is up, her statements are not acceptable you do not want to hear it. If she is at home and acts out that way and she refuses to listen, walk her to her room and let her know she is free to fall out as much as she wants but you will not accept it and you refuse to look at it. Then take advantage of the moment and get your favorite book, your preferred choice of drink, tune it out and relax. Trust me -- With no audience it is not as much fun and the tantrum phase won't last long. After she is done sit her down and tell her she is old enough to tell you what her problem is (i.e tired, hungry, bored, or just having a bad day). Explain that screaming or saying mean things will not be tolerated and will not get her the results she wants. Works every time for me and I have a set of triplets and another toddler.

As an aside -- it is great that the kids have grandparents that love them as much. That is a blessing. Be thankful. Hey if she wants to stay over and the grandparents are willing -- take them up on it and go get a manicure/pedicure or just go out and do something for you. :-) When Mom is happy -- Everyone is happy.

Oh yea - never tell a child that you feel that she doesnt love you or daddy anymore. That is unfair and playing with their emotions. You are also setting yourself up for some major manipulation in the future. It is not that serious. You can nip it early. One of my princesses at about 4 years old said she didn't love us anymore and didn't want to live here. I helped her pick 2 of her favorite disney outfits and some clean underwear, we put it in her pink princess bag, We went to the kitchen and we chose her favorite lunch, and included her favorite juice box, put her Princess Jasmine PJ's in the bag along with her toothbrush and some toothpaste, I gave her 35 cents for a phone call, gave her bus fare, kissed her on the forehead and walked her to the front door and told her goodbye.

All I can say is -- we never had that issue occur again with her or with any of our kids.

Answer 2

Wow, have you tried talking to you parents about this. It's easy to spoil a child with love and affection (nothin wrong with this) when you get to give them back and you don't have to be the disciplinary figure.
Do you have 1 activity that just u and your daughter do together? If only for 30mins or 1hr a wk, it could be as simple as dad taking your son on wkend and u taking your daughter to the park. Make this a constant thing. You could also ask your daughter what activity she wants to do just with mummy. Make it sound very special.
You do need to be strong and she does need to know that saying hurtful things to mummy is not appropriate and given a consequence. This is just an age thing that hopefully she will grow out of.
Get your mum and dad to help too by when your daughter says infront of them that she wants to live with them get them to be baddies and say no (do give reason, like not enough room etc) but that she might be able to have a sleep over 1 night.
Good luck!

Answer 3

as you said she is a kid and cannot reason out things, it happens with most of the kids, she enjoys more with her grand parents than with you, its not a fault as the time passes she will change, she is a kid with too much of possessiveness, dont fight or argue in front of her, take her to your parents house but dont allow her to stay there, you cant make her to understand things now in such a small age, leave her on her own, she will be alright soon, spent time, play with her, but dont give her took much of place because she should not create an character of stubbornness and start doing wrong things. check her when you have to, and also dont mind things that she says, nothing is from her heart, she is a kid, as days goes she will understand, treat both equally and let the two brother and sister spend time with each other, there should not be disputes among them too.

Answer 4

The biggest problem here is that your five year old is running things. Oh what Dr.Phil would have to say. Counseling might help because it would teach you how to say no and draw the lines. Those boundaries are how children learn that they are loved. I question whether these grandparents are helping the situation or compounding the problems. Yes, go to counseling and gain control of this situation. Good luck!

Answer 5

i cannot imagine how frustating this situation would be for you. as a mother of five year old.....i would talk to her and tell her how much i am hurt with her behaviour. And slowly try to reward her (in anyway you feel appropriate) for everytime she does not throw tantrums. It's very clear why your daughter does not like to go home......she must be getting attention and freedom .......try to work on that point. Good luck....hope this helps

Answer 6

No, my daughter used to do the same thing, recite the abc backward and forward, as well as any word she could spell. I was amazed because I (an adult) couldn't do it. My daughter was actually in a couple of advanced classes and has no learning disabilities. Just one of those odd things kids can do sometimes.

Answer 7

Ignore it when she says those things. Don't play into her little game.
Simply state when it's time to go home now. And get her things together, and take her home. She's only playing that game to get attention, and because she knows that you will play into it.

Answer 8

okay well tell her that if she keeps saying hatefull things that she is going to be called a potty mouth and we clean potty mouths . Then tell her we clean pottys by putting soap on them . ask her if she wants soap in her mouth ? I did that with my son and it worked really good . Five year olds do understand what you tell them . good luck .

Answer 9

She'll learn by what you do and not what yoou say.Remember she's only 5 and a blessing in disguise.She's teaching you patience amongst other virtues.

Answer 10

She is obviously having some emotional problems that she doesn't know how to express, therefore I think that couseling is the best option.