Make a long story short. She dumped me and dated someone right afterwards. She had severe depression, bulimia and low self-esteem. She has recently contacted me and says she misses me as a friend. Wants to hang out. I love her but I am also reluctant because I don't want to see her or have her talk about other guys. I want her back but only if she fixes herself. Which she seems to be doing. She sounds a lot better. My question is: With a person who has this many problems, what is the best way to go about things? Should I just be a friend? Would she gain attraction to me by me not pressuring her into something like a relationship? Should I tell her that her health is more important? But in the meantime look elsewhere? Or should I tell her its too hard to be friends. I am afraid she is going to date someone and I am going to be saddened and angry. Should I just be there as a friend?
2007-07-03 12:44:57 · 11 answers · asked by D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well if you want to be her friend... and you say she wants to be yours, then you should just be up front with her, and tell her you miss her as a friend and would love to have her back in your life, but you dont want to hear about the guys in her life!
i think because you know she has these problems and you do care for her, you should be in her life and try to help her with her problems. you should for sure tell her that you are concerned about her health and want her to fix it and be concerned about it!
good luck!
i hope everything works out with her too!
2007-07-03 12:49:50 · answer #1 · answered by cinnimon2693 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just being a friend won't work. Hanging out with her and being her friend will just start you going again. If you start hanging out together that's the same as getting back together. Don't fool yourself.
When you say she seems to be fixing herself what do you mean? Is she going to therapy? Or does she just sound better when you talk to her? How long has it been since you dated? Typically, people take years to get significantly better from these problems. It doesn't happen in a few weeks or months.
Taking the role of friend and fixer/helper is also dangerous. This is called co-dependence and will not be good for either of you.
I don't know man. It's your call, but this sounds complicated and doomed to failure. I'd look elsewhere.
2007-07-03 19:56:37 · answer #2 · answered by LG 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't feel like you can be a friend to her then you shouldn't be her friend. it sounds like you want her back but you can't deal with her being with someone else. the best way to go about things is to be honest and up front with what you want from this relationship first. if she doesn't want you back as a boyfriend you got two choose either be her friend or not. but if you can't handle being her friend then you shouldn't be her friend. if it was meant to be between the two of you then it will workout in time. yes her health is more important if she's a bulimia that's really dangers for anyone because you can end up in the hospital from it and I know that people have died from it too. you should tell her that her health is important and that it's just to hard for you to be friends because your still in love with her and you can't handle it that she's with someone new would be the best way to go. good luck.
2007-07-03 20:03:22 · answer #3 · answered by thydarknight 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know ur hurt about what she did but her health is more important right now. you should give her some space before suggesting another relationship with her. She needs to get better in order to make a decision. Try to get over her i know its hard but speaking from personal experience its better for both of you. If she dumped you for another guy then she doenst like you.Just be there for her as a friend. And she doenst deserve how ur feeling for her. Good luck!
2007-07-03 19:57:26 · answer #4 · answered by Cassy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said she is trying to fix herself, which is good. Give her some time to do that and support her while she is going through a difficult time. They say the best friends make the best boyfriends. She may be really flattered.
2007-07-03 19:53:44 · answer #5 · answered by wsgrl7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be there as her friend. She will appreciate it. If she loves you more than a friend then she will come to see that and everything will turn out good. But If i were you I would be there as a friend for her now.
2007-07-03 19:50:37 · answer #6 · answered by Marine Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She made the decision to leave the relationship, leave it at that. Getting re-involved with this relationship, will lead to the same conclusion as last time. Find someone else.... Her loss
2007-07-03 19:51:26 · answer #7 · answered by Brian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should be friends and help her on her problems, and if later you guys want to get back into a relashionship then good luck
2007-07-03 19:55:49 · answer #8 · answered by vmartinez_07 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shag her when you can. Try to at least get something out of it. But keep looking for fresh meat.
2007-07-03 19:47:57 · answer #9 · answered by amansscientiae 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should talk to her to see what is going on
2007-07-03 19:48:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋