how do people with borderline personality disorder deal with the intense feelings of abandonment that are?

Question

frequant? they leave you feeling lonely, isolated and empty inside.
im 30 and i live alone in an apartment, because of my disorder and very low self esteem, ive never made any friends or been in a relashionship in my life. the only person ive had in my life is my mum, who ive been very close to throughout my life, and i ring her everyday, shes been through everything with me, and has been there when im lonely and need reassurance, plus she visits me to help me out with things when im in a rut..
but only recentley, even though shes in her late 50s, shes met a guy she used to know from years ago that she used to be with, and their feelings have been rekinddled and she says their back seeing each other again and are serious.....ive not been able to contact my mum for days because shes been at his...and since ive learned about these recent developments with this new guy today on the phone from my mum, im getting these strong feelings of abandonment & isolation & emptiness again.

i think its because i feel reliant on my mum for alot of things...and with her not being available or days, and her getting serious with this man, im feeling them awfull feelings of abandonment and isolation again.....
has anyone with bpd felt this, and know how to cope?

Answer 1

Like you, your mom needs the comfort of a love..not that your love isn't enough..but it isn't the same, as you know...You can't depend on others to see you through, you must stand on your own some day...you should be happy for your mom, and the only thing you should be concerned with, is he good to her...that would be what I would want..I know this must be hard for her...because she does know how needy you are, but she has her needs also...You must find a way, to let go a bit...you need to find the Lord in your life, and leave things to Him...it's time to make friends,...and until you know for SURE that you have bpd...you shouldn't brand yourself this way...you are just lonely, and from what I can read, obsessed with these thoughts constantly...more like OCD...truly...My prayers are with you

Answer 2

Feelings of abandonment are- not really normal- but I think nearly everyone has had them at one time or another, kind of like separation anxiety. The problem is not in the feeling itself, but rather the ways that you are able to cope with it, and finally overcome it. The other question is- when does someones daily support become so comfortable that you wrap yourself up in it, and then when it is withdrawn, you are exposed to a world you see as bleak and lonely.
You really should expand your world, difficult as it may seem. A good counsellor would be invaluable in this, to help you make and follow a plan, and re-train your thinking. That is actually a physical thing- it's like certain neural networks get used so much, they open more easily: but it can be changed. Go see a cognitive-behavioural-therapist, not someone who is going to have you go through countless recitations of how bad you feel. CBT is about the future, not the past.
I wonder too where the BPD diagnosis- it just doesn't sound like you are doing the striking out and pushing away that is the flip side of attachment for people that suffer from it. (Personally I think that label is used far too much, to lump everyone psychiatrists can't quite get a handle on, so they can say they have a diagnosis for you.)
Good luck, God bless, may peace be with you.I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Answer 3

Do you engage in any self-destructive behaviours like alcohol abuse? If so, this is the first place to start. Make a solemn vow to stop. Go to an AA meeting in your area or other relevant support group. Exercise, eat a healthy diet, read self-help books, listen to self-hypnosis CD's on self-esteem, try to meditate or do yoga or something like that. You will improve the health of your body and mind. Dont try doing all this at once, just one step at a time, definately start with the self-destructive behaviour pattern if you have one.

This way, you are in control. You dont need to rely on anyone else for anything. Therapists often do far more harm than good, can be good but are often ****. They are expensive and if you are on a low income drain your resources and cause added stress.

Good luck

Answer 4

IS YOUR MUM A DOCTOR? no. you need to see a therapist and all the other answers these bozos are giving you is bullshit. who told you you are borderline? this sounds more like a general social anxiety disorder. anyway, my good man, all these people who try to coax you to socialize and go to badminton games don't have a clue as to what you are feeling and why. you don't either. get yourself together and say 'i have a problem and I am going to solve it with professional help' and maybe it's far easier than you think; at least you will feel like you are actually doing something. what happens when your mum dies? pretty scary, huh? so she wants to date some guy. don't YOU in your 30s want to date? sorry to say this, but if your mum was uptodate she would have dragged you to see a therapist. it doesn't mean you are crazy and it's not a shame. change your life now. see and talk to the doc. over and out. and leave the pep talks to people who haven't experienced nothing of your pain and don't get how it is inside you. am I clear?

Answer 5

You should make sure that you don't put all your eggs in one basket. Your mum will always be there for you but you should try to make friends for when she needs time for herself. You should try taking up a social sport or another activity where you could make friends and feel like you are part of something special. The way you write indicates understanding and it's unlikely you have a borderline personality disorder but just lack confidence. Once you have taken the first step and made one friend, more will follow.

Answer 6

There are multiple kinds of disorders that deal with anxiety. Although most can manifest in similar ways, these disorders generally occur due to different events in your life. Natural home remedies for anxiety https://tr.im/O64lg
Generalized anxiety disorder includes persistent and unnecessary worries about everyday, common events or activities, which can disrupt concentration and lead to other issues, such as depression.

Answer 7

Abandonment would reason borderline character ailment, and consequently may be categorised under abandonment themes. you will desire to pass see a psychiatrist for greater precise finding out. Borderline character ailment is what your recommendations has carried out to itself to guard the themes, and extensive scientific care would enable you artwork out those difficulty consequently removing the borderline character ailment.

Answer 8

Your isolation is an opportunity to inquire into who you are.

You're not lonely because you're alone.
You're lonely because you abandon yourself.
Emptiness is a result of a lifetime of abandoning yourself.

Stop searching for something to rescue you from yourself.
Stop searching period, on all levels.

Find out the result of doing this.

Answer 9

Sorry for not getting back to you earlier but life gets in the way. From taking people to the doctors and work, it sometimes gets kind of strained. You talk of your mum, at least you have one mine died in 1986. As for this by-polar problem you are asking the wrong person, I've lost two. How do reach someone who medicates self with alcohol and tranquillizers, they are beyond help in this world.

Answer 10

The best way of helping yourself is to go help somebody else. Volunteer at the library, a soup kitchen, delivering meals to shutins, or a local senior center. Put a smile on someone else's face - it's infectious.