Is it normal that my ex wife(mother to my child) and new wife can't stand the sight of each other?

Question

exwife thinks my new wife should have no say/involment with our child and should take a back seat to everything.All school/discipline/discussions about my son should be between me and my ex and my new wife should NEVER be involved.My new wife feels the only time i should talk to my exwife is if there is an emergency or a major problem with our son not for everything thing that comes up.Plus my new wife feels left out when i talk to only to my ex about a issue with my son(exampe school problem/sickness).She feels i should tell her the same stuff i tell my exwife but then my ex gets pissed as she feels its none of her concern.The bottom line is they hate each other so much all they can think about is how to make the other one miserable.

Answer 1

You should sit down and watch "Stepmom", starring Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, and Ed Harris.

It may give you a little insight.

As far as the stepmom having a say, she should because she is part of the child's life.

The child still needs to respect and have a bond with your current wife, who is the stepmom.

Though discipline should come from you, as you are the true father and have an established role and bond. Other aspect of life should involve new mom for the sake of a better relationship to build between all parties.

Only reason why your ex-wife should have any kind of negative view of involvement from your new wife is if your new wife is not treating your child right. Otherwise, ex-wife is not being fair to anyone.

Additionally, all should be mature and get along. Regardless of how new wife, ex-wife, whatever you-all went through. You are all adults and should act like it.

Hope it works out well for you.

Answer 2

WOW........I personally feel that they are acting incredibly immature and no matter how old your child is........it is and will effect him or her tremendously. Sounds like they both need to take a step back and look at the situation from the outside. Perhaps even show them the answers to your question here. I personally believe that EVERYTHING that has to do with your child........your ex and you should be involved 100%. Your new wife needs to be only concerned with the two of you and chill out and let things happen. She is NOT the mother and as long as there is no abuse going on, then she needs to stay out of it. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be involved at all, I'm just saying she needs to relax a bit and she needs to understand that it is all about the child not the adults. You can't be expected to tell everybody everything all the time.....that is too much pressure. Not to be extreme here but maybe you should reconsider this relationship. Was she like this when you were dating? Did you discuss these situations before you were married. LIke you said........BOTTOM LINE........they need to GROW UP and stop thinking about how to make each other miserable because it only makes matters worse and is really bad for the child.

Answer 3

Is the child living with you and the new wife? I'm sorry I missed that. If its you and the new wife than the new wife should get say because she is probably taking on some of the responsibility. I helped my husband raise his daughter because she was living with him. Her mom was/is a drug addict and irresponsible. She tried to say something about me raising her daughter and I told her when you get off drugs, get a place, a job, be responsible, wash her clothes, feed her, take her to school and help her with her homework than you have the right to tell me to back off but while I'm doing all of it - shut up! In your case if the child is already living with your ex, then you need to inform the ex that you and your new wife our a partnership; a team. It sounds to me like jealousy is the issue between the women and not the well being of the child. Your new wife has to understand under some circumstances you will need to talk to your ex and it won't always include her but you assure her you will share what's going on because what effects you can effect your marriage and again you are a partnership now.

Answer 4

I think that is normal but easy to work with. The ex is the mother of your son, no ifs ands or buts and will always be. She should be involved in every aspect of your sons life if she wants to be and your new wife shouldn't be trying to exclude her. Your new wife needs to be involved as well because she needs to know what is going on with your son for homework, routines, etc. The bottom line is they both need to show each other respect so that your son will respect your new wife and even if they can't just get along, they should at least practice tolerance toward each other for his and your sake. It is wearing being the constant moderator and can cause problems all over the place.

Answer 5

Ex wife has lost her husband and now she's losing control of her son to another woman. She's not dealing well.
New wife is defensive that you keep communicating with your Ex, she's worried that you could love her again.
Neither one of them is doing your son any good. The two women are family and need to act like it.
When Junior decides to take an advanced class at school everyone should know so everyone can help with studies. When it comes to sports all the parents should be on the same page so the medical risks are understood. It's not fair when one parent puts their kid in hockey and the kids gets hurt the other parent needs to know.
Junior is not a prize to be fought over, he needs everyone working together to be happy.

Answer 6

I think it's perfectly normal, to a degree - - after all, your ex-wife looks at your new wife as someone who is taking her place and your new wife looks at your ex as someone who had you before her. I'm sure your ex-wife probably doesn't like the thought of another woman rearing her son and doesn't want to be replaced. You didn't mention whether or not your son lives with you and your new wife but I guess that's fairly irrelevant.
Your ex is your son's mother and always will be. Your new wife cannot and should not replace her. That being said, your new wife also needs a place in your son's life. It's not realistic to expect that she will have absolutely no say whatsoever on issues regarding your son, if your son is living with the two of you, or even staying with the two of you every other weekend. Whenever your son is staying with you, there will be a certain expectation that your new wife will be involved in your son's life, and in his care, and she should be.
Maybe you need to sit down with both ladies and tell them that they need to put aside their differences for the good of your son. They don't have to like each other, but they do need to be mature enough and respectful enough to at least be cordial, and always nice around your son. Your ex needs to understand that your new wife isn't in any way trying to take her place, but rather assist in rearing your son.
Best of luck to all of you!

Answer 7

This is why divorce sucks! but you can make it work. That child deserves to have his real mother involved in every decision that affects him. Sorry but you two had a kid together and now you're joined together forever. Your new wife needs to accept that. On the other hand you can share the things you talk about with your new wife too. You have made a commitment to make her part of your life now. Whatever you do, be good to your son ;)

Answer 8

It probably depends on how your wife became the ex-wife. For example if you were cheating on the ex (well cheating on both) during the marriage it would be normal - as you asked - for feelings of jealousy to manifest over any situation, including parenting. If this is the case, you need to resolve those issues, before you'll be able to solve the parenting ones. If not - I have no idea.

Answer 9

Everyone needs to think about the child!!! This is not fair to him!!! I just got off the phone with my x-father-in-law. I spoke to my x-husband twice today and his girlfriend (who lives with him) once. Every conversation had something to do with my son, but it's a hectic week. My x-husband's girlfriend is great. I don't REALLY know her, but my son likes her, she takes care of him..feeds him, cleans the house, watches him when my x-husband is at work...so I adore her. We all ate breakfast together on mothers day and I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, school meetings....she's more than welcome to come if she wants, but its usually just me and my x-husband. School activities (ball etc) I enjoy it when she's there mainly b/c it means a lot to my son. Their children are welcome at my house and my son (from another relationship) is welcome at theirs. We all get a long. It started out being for my son and ended up being b/c we really get along and love this one little person all the same.

Answer 10

tooo funny i have kids with 2 exs and i get along with both of there wives.not a problem at all and i actually really like them.