Am i being reasonable with my mother in law?

Question

the usual in-law complaint. I just want to make sure if I'm being reasonable or not.
After the first month of giving birth, my mother-in-law and I decided to go shopping. . As we were getting back into the car, she started to make comments such as, 'it is a lot safer for the babies to ride in front.' and started to insinuate that she would put him in the front of her car if she drove him anywhere. I just said, 'well, i'm following doctors orders.'. As we were getting on the highway, my baby started to fuss, and it also started to spit rain. Just as I was merging with heavy traffic, she turned around 180 in the front seat and started trying to sooth him. ( mean her rear end was in the windshield, turned around) I asked her to turn around and put on her seatbelt. She started yelling that NOONE tells her what to do and how Dare I ask her to put on her seatbelt. I have this policy of 'my car, my rules'. She has refused to ride with me since. Am I being unreasonable?

Answer 1

Nope you're not being unreasonable at all. It's a challenge that I have with my mother in law too. With mine I find that I have to constantly remind her that she raised her kids and I'm my son's mommy and I make the rules when it comes to him. When it's a matter of spoiling I let her have her way that's what grandmas are for but when it's an issue of safety she will do as I say or as much as it would break my heart and hers she won't see her grandson. I have also found it helpful just because things have changed so much to get literature from my son's pediatrician's office and print articles on child safety for her so she can see it in writing. As a last resort I do get my husband involved when it's something very important and he tells her like it is. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 2

First, regarding the baby in the front issue. I had a friend whose baby was killed when she was in a car accident. The baby was in a car seat in the front seat and the air bag engaged. This was before people knew how dangerous air bags can be to small children. You are right to follow your doctors orders.

Next, if you MIL is in your car, you have the right to ask her to turn around and fasten her seat belt. In my state, it is the law. Maybe you could tell her that you understand that no one has the right to tell her what to do but that you would just feel awful and would never be able to forgive yourself if something happened to her while riding in your car and that you would hate for her to be fined if the police saw her riding like that.

If she refuses to wear her belt, be glad that she won't ride with you. It is better to go shopping alone.

Answer 3

I don't think you're being unreasonable, though I think her reaction would largely have depended upon your tone and the words you used when asking her to turn around and buckle up. If you yelled at her, I would've expected a negative reaction. Either way though, she's being juvenile by dragging out the incident and refusing to ride with you now. I personally would just ignore her behavior and let her choose her own transportation. She'll get over it soon enough once it becomes inconvenient and no one is paying attention to it anyway.

Answer 4

No. You are dealing with her as any other adult should be dealt with. She is thinking like a parent and forgetting that you and your husband are adults and parents yourselves. She deserves to be honored as mother and thus respected, but she has to realize that in your car you are responsible and that your baby is your responsibility, too.

If you can, sit with her and let her know how you appreciate her help and that she is a good grandma. But, she should also know that you want everyone to be safe and obey the law. As far as I know, it is law in most states that babies stay in the back seat - if she can't abide by that, you and your husband have to remind her of safety and law, and that she cannot take the child anywhere unless she abides by that.

Ask her if she would have appreciated her mother-in-law telling her what she would have done with her children that she would not have done herself. She was a young mother once, too.

Answer 5

No in an accident she could crush you or the baby, nevermind getting thrown from the car which would cause enough damage even if she didn't get hit by another car.

Your baby's safety comes first, end of story. If she can't be convinced that modern studies show that babies are safest in the backseat of modern cars, she doesn't get to take the baby anywhere. If you can't trust her you can't leave her alone with your baby PERIOD.

And even without the baby, your car your rules ;-)

Answer 6

It's your car, your rules! Definately unsafe conditions butt in the air, crying baby and weather conditions! Perhaps you could offer to let Mom-in-law to sit with the baby in the back seat a la Chauffeur. That way you don't have to talk to her whilst driving Ha! maybe you could even put up that little dividing window and you can drive in peace!

Answer 7

Your solution is simple. Invite her into your car. Front seat. Say there is no need to wear a seatbelt. Go ahead and crash into a lamp post at 90 mph. That'll learn her.

Answer 8

No. You are not. Some mother in laws are like that. Mine is. She needs to grow the heck up and catch up on road rules, as well as some others it sounds like! Good luck chicky! I'm right there with ya! :)

Answer 9

Sometimes you have just let stuff like that go when it comes to mother- in- law. She's wrong, but her butt we'll be the one to get to get the ticket when pulled over (if she is 16 and holds license)-otherwise you'll we'll be ticketed. You just make sure baby is where he is spost to be according to the laws for your state.

Answer 10

Sounds good to me. Do you really want her to ride with you. When she changes her mind, make her sit in the back to.