ok here are some examples for my b-day we went "dutch" on diner but on his i paid for both of us.On our up comming honnymoon he wanted to go as cheap as possible(red eye flight/cheap hotel ect) but thinks nothing of spending 2-3k on "toys" for himself which by the way is more than our honnymoon.
2007-07-03 09:37:02 · 35 answers · asked by stacey v 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Um, I think he is being unreasonable and from what it sounds like, it has been going on for awhile, you need to voice your opinion and ask him if you are as important in his eyes as he is. And maybe tell him that you are concerned that it might be this way forever and you don't know if you want to marry someone that puts himself before others.
2007-07-03 10:06:16 · answer #1 · answered by Shaina W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a big red flag -- please don't ignore it. I agree with the previous poster that this is less about "cheap" and more about vastly differing priorities as to money. You and your spouse need to be on the same page when it comes to joint spending and individual spending. While you are working out the honeymoon vs. toys issue, have a frank discussion about credit card debt (how much you both think it's reasonable to have), savings plans (i.e., 401Ks and IRAs), and how soon you want to buy a house. You MUST work out a mutually agreeable plan for these items, or you are in for a lot of fights in the not-so-far future. PLEASE don't get married until you have this discussion and get concrete answers.
2007-07-03 10:25:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may not like what I am going to say but you are in for a life of cheap, cheap, cheap....Your fiance is giving signals to you which you should really take heed. He is giving indications of being very selfish with others even his wife to be. If I were you I would really consider calling off the wedding. This guy could make your life really miserable. Have a sit down talk with him and tell him you feel that he is acting very cheap with you and you are not at all happy about it. Tell him if this is the way your life is going to be, them maybe you should call off the wedding. Listen, I have a friend of many years, that had a husband like your fiance, and she had a life of misery because of his cheapness. They finally got a divorce after 25 years and lo and behold he found another woman, and spent thousands on her and it hurt my friend bitterly. You really should think and think carefully. You are not overreacting. Your inner voice is telling you that something is not right. So you have alot to think about with this guy, because this is your whole life.
2007-07-04 05:54:07 · answer #3 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he's a cheap person but rather a very SELFISH person. He reserves all his money for HIMSELF and what makes him happy. It seems you two are getting married but he doesn't see his money as "our" money but very clearly HIS money and he'll do with it what HE wants to. That's not a healthy attitude to have. When you marry, that is your partner emotionally, financially, spiritually, sexually. He needs to re-evaluate his priorities because right now, it seems he's spending his money only on himself. By the way, there's nothing wrong with having an inexpensive honeymoon if you're saving for say....a downpayment on a house or something! Some people can't even afford a honeymoon. it's not about how grand you go but who you're with!
2007-07-03 10:20:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He IS being cheap and that should send up big red flags. He spends 2 to 3 K on toys for himself, yet wouldn't even bother paying for you on your birthday. And it sounds like he can afford more than red eye and Motel 6 or wherever on your honeymoon! If it were me, that sort of cheapness of how he treats me relative to himself would be a dealbreaker. And from personal experience with 2 guys like this, it will only get worse.
2007-07-03 09:43:19 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I certainly don't think that stingyness is an attractive quality in a man -wouldn't you rather be with a man who paid for your birthday dinner and splashed out a bit on your honeymoon? He's obviously not that hard up if he buys himself expensive treats. So be warned - he isn't ever going to become Mr Generous is he? Unless you want a lifetime of paying for dinners for the both of you then get out while there's still time.
2007-07-03 10:14:35 · answer #6 · answered by colgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your fiance is being selfish. I understand the need to cut corners on some things, but there are other things that you should spare no expense on (if you have it). For your bday he should have made it about you; and for your honeymoon, I understand flying cheap to maybe get a big hotel room, have more activities, etc, but just to be doing it, is selfish and cheap. Maybe you ought to try to treat him the same way he did you on your bday on an important day to him and see how he reacts. If he overreacts, let him know you feel when he does or did it to you, bc showing is believing. Good luck!
2007-07-03 09:50:36 · answer #7 · answered by Free_Spirit 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He seems stuck on his own needs. It's time to take control of your wants and make your voice be heards. He seems caught up in making your lives together affordable to make sure he can overspend on his needs. I think this issue will be a poblem throughout your marriage - so take a stand and do what needs to be done. He should also be more thoughtful towards you - it doesnt seem that way. He wont change - so you need to take a stand and make sure stuff happens accordingly- it may not be the most romantic way but at least it will be done how you want it
2007-07-03 10:09:14 · answer #8 · answered by Rush 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put the wedding on hold until you and your fiance have hashed out some of your differences on money issues.
Have you talked to your fiance about this? If you feel you cannot talk to him freely and openly about money issues, that's a very bad sign. This is someone you are planning to spend your life with-- if you cannot talk to him without feeling apprehension or outright fear, or if you don't believe he will listen to what you have to say, then you shouldn't be marrying him.
Sounds to me like you guys are good candidates for premarital counseling. Given that more people break up over money issues than over sex, you need to treat this problem with the seriousness that it deserves.
2007-07-03 10:16:09 · answer #9 · answered by Karin C 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you guys need to work on financial matters. I would talk to him about this because you dont want him to keep buying things for himself when you both need the money for other things. His spending could come in the way of bills and other important things
Good luck
2007-07-03 14:34:24 · answer #10 · answered by Delilah P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋