whose wrong? the bride or the attendant?

Question

my friend tara is getting married in october and she sent out the invites and on mine it said "Jennifer and guest" which means i can bring a date aka my bf. one of our friends did not get an "and guest" the invite was only adressed to her because her bf is not someone the bride wants there. our friend threw a fit when she found out that everyone else got "and guest" (she saw some of our invites and then asked around) and said that its not right for the bride to let everyone else bring a guest but not her. the bride said she doesnt HAVE to invite anyone its her wedding and she doesnt want him there or at the reception. whose right? the friend has also mentioned that shes gunna bring him anyway and make their prescense known but when the bride said sumthing to her she claimed she was "just joking" (i dont think she is but whatever) ..basically i wanna know who is right in this case and what can be/should be said to the friend with the icky bf? thanks in advance

the bf makes fart noises with his armpits, makes fun of mentally handicapped people (pretends hes retarded and tries to mess with people) he purposly chews with his mouth wide open so u can see all the food and his stomach..yuck!! not someone u want to sit with!! the friend thinks hes "funny and unique" i think hes rude,crass and smells funny!!

the bf in question is also 28 yrs old...just for the record lol

ummm I AM JENNIFER!!! lol the friend who is bringing the bf against the brides wishes is brittany!! jennifer aka me is allowed to bring a bf!!

Answer 1

The attendant is one rude piece of work. The attendant's options were to either not go at all, or to go solo. And read whatever she might read into the bride's view of their friendship.

There is no absolute right to have your boyfriend at your side when you're a guest at the wedding. Suppose the bride was African American, and said boyfriend was an outspoken KKK member? Or the bride was Jewish, and the boyfriend was a notorious anti-Semite? No one would argue that the bride wasn't well within her rights to exclude that person.

Answer 2

The bride is right. She has a right to invite (and not invite) anyone she wants. Has the friend stopped to think about all the bride's and groom's friends and family who make an effort to go to the wedding and deserve to have a nice, civilized time? What about the bride who has a right not to be embarrassed by an obnoxious guest on the biggest day of her life? The friend should consider herself lucky that she is invited, and not whine that she can't bring her troll of a boyfriend along. If she brings him anyway and they show out as they say they plan to, she's no real friend. A real friend would never ruin her friend's wedding, no matter what.

Answer 3

the bride is correct. It is her wedding and she should not have to face anyone she dislikes on her special day...
She should have talked to her attendant in the first place privately and told her she did not want her bf to attend.
At that time the attendant shold have respected the bride's wishes, as she should now.....That would have been more appropriate, but still it is the bride's choice.
If her friend makes a big deal, I would take her off the list completely as an atendant and a guest.....
It is not a right to bring someone who is not invited... it is disrespectful and it shows her immaturity and her lack of class....
If her does show up, I imagine the bride would have her father and father in law escort him out... I would think that would be more embarassing to the attendant and anything else....also, I imagine it would end the friendship between the bride and her friend....
the bride is definitely in the right here.....

Answer 4

Technically, I would say the bride is right- she can invite or not invite whoever she wants. But I would quickly add that this is in extremely poor taste on her part.
He hasnt done anything to her (the bride) that was extremely hurtful, has he? His only crime is that she doesnt like his personality. I would say to the bride, get over it!
And the friend, she should not bring the bf, it will only make the bride upset on her wedding day. Why would she want to make the bride upset just to prove a point?
In short, they both need to grow up!

Answer 5

The attendant is wrong. Shaina W. and Music Lover put it very well. The bride doesn't have to okay everyone's guest. However, if "Jennifer" were married to the borish guy, the bride would have to invite either both or neither, not one or the other.

Anyway, this friend has a lot of chutzpah to suggest that she's going to bring him anyway to crash the wedding. I do recommend having security there so he can be escorted away from the premises if he crashes the wedding. IMO, the bride made a mistake in asking Jennifer to be in or at her wedding in the first place.

Answer 6

So, technically, etiquette says that any wedding guest over the age of 18 be invited "with guest". That said, the bride has the right to invite or not invite whomever she chooses, and bringing a date when one has not been included in the headcount is beyond the limits of what would be considered acceptable. He's likely to be there without a seat and with no meal available.

So far, it sounds as if everyone has done something wrong...The bride should have included a date for her friend...You all should not have been discussing who got invited and who didn't...And now your friend is going to bring a date when she shouldn't.

What you (or someone) should say to the friend with the icky bf, is, "Your bf is icky, and none of us want to be around him. I really can't blame Jane for not including him." And your friend needs to get over herself...she can invite whoever she wants to her own wedding, but meanwhile, this is someone else's wedding, and she needs to respect their wishes.

Answer 7

Umm no. The bride is right. I cannot believe some of the answers...
Its HER wedding. She didn't even have to ask her friend to be an attendant and she did. Are we sure EVERY SINGLE PERSON has a & guest invite? Seems to me the attendant shouldn't even be a part of the bridal party if she is going to act like that, if it was MINE I would have "fired" her. And its not being a bridezilla. We spend tons of money to pay for everyone's meals and dancing etc. to celebrate our day, so I'll be damned if someone is going to show up and ruin that day.

Honestly- get security. Have him kicked off if he shows up. If he shows, obviously she should sever ties with the "friend".

Answer 8

What should be said is that he is simply not invited and if he chooses to show up that he WILL be escorted out of the venue. And as for the friend bringing him. She should be lucky that she was invited at all! She should either not go at all or go alone and not mention anything about it. It isn't HER choice who to invite and who not to so she should just leave it alone. As for the bride being at fault. NOT AT ALL. She isn't inviting him because she believes he may be an inconvenience or cause a disruption. She should be able to invite whoever she wants, it is HER day. (BTW, it sounds like she may need some help telling this guy he shouldn't come. It seems like she might not want to hurt his feelings)

Answer 9

The attendee is wrong - the bride can invite or not invite who she chooses. Just because some people got "& guest" and she didn't doesn't give her the right to just show up with the BF, especially when seating arrangements, etc are all made in advance.

It's the bride's day and if her so-called friend wants to cause a scene then she should go ahead and bring her BF and risk possibly losing a friend. If it bothers the friend so much then she should just stay home.

Answer 10

NO QUESTION ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE BRIDE IS RIGHT!!!!! It is her wedding and she can invite who she likes,without having to answer to anyone!! If your friend cannot understand that then she should not go either. I (if I was the bride would call the police if and when he did show up) would let it be known that this will be the situation if needed.