I have absolutely no sex drive!!?

Question

I'm only 21..I have no desire for sex. and to be quite frank its not really something i've ever really enjoyed doing except in the beginning of my relationships. It seems like the longer I'm with someone the less I want to have sex with them. And most the time sex is quite painful! That makes me hate it all the more...I'm not on any medication and i don't have kids. so whats really going on here??

I have told my boyfriend that i have no drive and that sex is painful... I thought once that i could be a-sexual but i have ruled that out as i am attracted to males and females however i cannot see myself with another women. it just seems like my attraction fades so quickly..I was not raised to think sex is evil..and I'm not afriad of it. I am just at my wits end

I am not "rushing" into sex in my relationships I have only had two serious relationships both for three years. My boyfriend is pretty big (9in). I actually wouldnt mind being celibate but there is no way my boyfrriend would go for that!

Answer 1

You are not so unusual, I too had no drive for sex but when I was almost 22 my X decided to rape me. I was a virgin, and he was too. He said that he was tired of waiting and did not want me pregnant, so he raped me anally.
I was turned off by it, but I still could not get over the fact that even though he was doing this to me, I still had NO passion for sex. No desire what so ever.
I was with this abusive idiot for a little over a year and he NEVER once did it the right way, at least not until our wedding night and then he did it 1 time and went right back to the ANAL stuff.
I then divorced him and another man I married put me through the same thing ALL over again. What is it with the back door? I left him too, I wanted NORMAL SEX, I still did not know what that meant, or how to really have it. I was curious, not sex driven.
I was 26 when my drive finally kicked in, and my then BF now hubby, showed me how wonderful it can be.

Maybe, like me...you are not ready? Not in the "Drive Age" is what I call it.
Give yourself time, and as far as the pain...that goes away if you relax and use KY and try to enjoy it more. Maybe he is too brutal? Too LARGE? Try it on top and go gently.

IF you need to talk I am here,
BLESSINGS N LUCK TO YOU ALWAYS

Answer 2

You know most people don't wish to repeat doing something that is painful to them. And I would venture to say that you have never achieved orgasm or had a really good sexual experience. Which would explain your lack of desire.

Right now I think it might be best for you just remain celibate for a while. Also I highly suggest that you speak with a qualified gynecologist, there might be a medical reason that you are experiencing pain. If not whenever you are comfortable with the idea, sex therapy might help (this is talk therapy about sexual issues).

Answer 3

why not talk to a doctor or a counselor that might be able to give you the correct advice and not these crazy people on here. I would just try to find out from the doctor first about why the pain and then a counselor about the no drive. And it could be that you have lost the attraction for that person after you have slept with them.

Answer 4

If it hurts, then you need to visit the gyno to check you out. Try next time not having sex so soon or at all in the relationship. Maybe that's killing your drive. Make it about something else and maybe later when you make love, it will be worth the wait.

Answer 5

Did something happen in your past that you don't like it? Maybe you just haven't found that right person who knows how too touch you in the right way. If you keep having bad experiences with it, you will certainly never want to understand the real feeling. Have you talked with your doctor about it?

I think your issue might be more mental than physical.

Do you think you have a fear of it?

Answer 6

-Maybe you were raised to think of sex as wrong/evil
-Maybe you realize that you don't really have feelings for the person you're doing it with
-Maybe you just get bored with the same thing all the time (there's not too much variety in young people)
-Perhaps you were molested as a child (if this is the case, you should really see a doctor/therapist, etc.)

Answer 7

Have you thought about talking to your doctor or the person that you are with to let them know about what is going on in your sex drive?Your b/f may want to know what is going on himself.And you may need some type of medication if it is painful when you do have sex hon,something maybe wrong.....you should talk to your doctor.

Answer 8

Please make an appointment with your gynecologist and discuss this with him/her. You may have issues with your hormones, or some sort of medical condition that is making sex painful. He/she may refer you to a psychologist if the problem odesn't appear to be physical.
Sex should be a very enjoyable experience. make the appointment today so that you can enjoy it, too. It's important that you do, especially where relationships with men are concerned ('cuz you know how obessed with it they are... :)).

Answer 9

That's normal. Ask your mate to engage in longer four play. I don't condone anything out of marriage but when your married ask him to find the cherry in your ice cream. He don't always have to penetrate to get you there. I blame it on your guy. He should be able to pull your knobs to get the love ooing.

Answer 10

Sounds like you need a older, more experinced partner.I am 39 and would be happy to help you.You need a man that puts you first.He needs to slowly lick your beaufiful body until your natural juices are flowing and he needs to learn to lick you in the right areas that you like.Young men have a problem with wham bam thank you mam.you can mail me at [e-mail]