Covering your plate at a NY wedding is not < $100 p/p?

Question

I'm a bride to be and getting married in the NY Metro region. I've read a lot of answers regarding how much is appropriate for a NY metro wedding and most have said $100 per couple is sufficient. I know that gifts are not required technically but I think the trends also include the bride and groom paying for the wedding themselves and usually going into debt to do so. If people give $25-100 total for themselves and their guest if they bring one, I think the couple would be the ones trying to make ends meet to pay off the loan for a lot longer than they had to. Most reception sites in the NY metro region are greater than $150 per person for a Saturday night wedding. It is an honor to have guests but at the same time i think guests should try to cover the plate. Should people accept to go if they know they can't afford it? Otherwise, should they plan to go out less on the weekends so they can save, after accpeting so that by the time of the wedding, the guest has funds to give?

Answer 1

Some of the answers I have read have surprised me as well. I agree with you. I have never been married but I know in the next fews years I will be.

I always pay about the price of my plate and then a little extra, so they can use the money on their honeymoon or furniture, anything they want. I learned this etiquete from my mom, so it surprised me when people say "they are the ones giving the party, so why should I pay for my food?" Recently a good friend of mine got married, and I saved up for her bridal shower and wedding gifts. I wanted her marriage to start off without debt because I care about her.

Answer 2

I think the idea of "covering the plate" is one of the most hideous concepts I have heard of in a long time.

Gifts are entirely optional. If someone CHOOSES to give a gift, then whatever they give is entirely their choice, and should absolutely, in no way, shape, or form, be balanced against the costs that their hosts are facing.

Weddings are entirely optional. If someone CHOOSES to get married, then they should plan accordingly, and stay within their means. Going into debt over it is entirely a waste of money in the interest. Expecting their guests to provide gifts that will offset the cost of the event is foolish and ungrateful. They should not invite these guests, if they're not prepared to lay out the cash for it.

You might as well just tell everyone that there's a $75 per person cover charge in your invitation. At least then your guests would know what they're up against. My guess is you'd end up with about 10 people at the wedding.

Think of it this way...Let's say you decide to throw a party at your house...maybe for Independence Day. You go out, and buy a bunch of beer, some sodas, some steak for the bbq and some potato salad. You might also get a few sparklers for the kids to play with. You wouldn't expect your guests to bring you $25, just because it cost you something to host the party.

A wedding is no different from any other party, except for the fact that guests often CHOOSE to bring a gift, to celebrate the happy occasion, and to help give the bride & groom a decent start in their new life together!

Answer 3

Oh my God, I actually had to read this twice because I was sure that I had misread the first time. But then I reread and realized that I had not misread and I have to say I am honestly shocked at such a brazen lack of class.

I'll tell you, I am in the NY metro area as well, I was married in the city and I too have the mentality that when I attend a wedding I try to cover the cost of my plate. However, I am refined enough to know that wedding gifts are actually an optional thing and there is no "proper" ettiquette when giving gifts at a wedding. And unless you are a complete heathen, you will be just a appreciative and greatful for a $25 check as you would be a $500 check. If all you see are dollar signs when you look at your guests envelopes instead of the good wishes contained inside then I think you should check into some courses in Class and Tact at the New School. Gloria Vanderbilt would be spinning in her grave if she read this.

Answer 4

If you're spending $150 a person for your wedding, you're overpaying. Most places around me (I also live in the NY Metro area) are $100 a person, or less.

But I digress...

There are no hard and fast "rules" about how much a wedding guest gives as a gift. Nor should anyone "plan to go out less on the weekends so they can save" money so you get a bigger gift - that's not your business. If people accept your wedding invitation, it's because they actually CARE about you as a person and would like to share one of the most special days in someone's life. If they give you a gift that "doesn't cover the cost of their plate", you just suck it up and be gracious about it.
BTW - If a bride and groom are going into debt to pay for their wedding, they're spending too much! A wedding is one day, a marriage is forever.

Answer 5

A wedding gift to the Bride and Groom has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the guest's dinner and drinks.

The guests are not supposed to guess the price of their dinner . . and you should NOT expect them to cover the price of their dinner. A wedding gift (cash or a purchased item) is based upon the guest's relationship with the Bride and/or Groom NOT the price of a chicken dinner, a piece of wedding cake, and a few drinks! Where are you getting this theory????? It's just plain wrong.

Do you really believe that your guests are going to give you a wedding gift (check or cash) based on the price of their dinner? Oh my, are you going to be surprised!!! What are you going to do if someone doesn't bring you a gift envelope with a check in it? Are you going to send them home without dinner? And are you going to give the guest who gives you a check greater than the the price of their dinner a refund?

Here's something you need to know . . there are some guests who can afford to give you a check for $150 . . and there are some guests who can only afford to give you a check for $20 and there are some guests who cannot afford to give you anything but their best wishes, and this is true of every wedding no matter where you are getting married!

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 6

Instead of going into debt, and expecting guests to pay for their food, you need a cheaper wedding. It's a very bad omen to start off your marriage with a loan. My husband and I paid a total of $400 for our wedding in 2002. Everyone in this world is trying to make ends meet, not just the couple. The guests are as well. My belief is if a couple wants to get married and have a honeymoon, they should pay for everything themselves, unless someone volunteers money.
Charging people to attend your wedding isn't the best idea in the world. It should be an honor for them to be invited, and when one is invited to something, cost is already covered. If the bride and groom can't afford it, maybe THEY should go out less on weekends so they can save money, so that by the time of the wedding, they can have the funds to pay for the wedding.

Answer 7

Guests do not have to cover the cost of the plate. No one is forcing you to have a sit down dinner in New York. I would not curtail my weekend plans so I could give you more money at your wedding. In fact, I rarely give money as a wedding present. I prefer a more personal gift. I should not have to be able to afford to attend someone's wedding and your attitude is most greedy.

Answer 8

You and your bf are to be HOSTING guests for your wedding, and it's not up for them to pay for their own food or booze. If you can't afford it, then you need to scale down your guest numbers, or the style of wedding you are having. There are always community halls, church halls, etc.
And gifts are optional, you know, guests are NOT required to bring them, but of course - most do! And it's a gift of THEIR choosing, not yours - you have no right to dictate how much they should spend - that's just shameful to think that way.
Yes, the couple pays for the wedding themselves these days - but most couples are mature, and working, and would have saved for their wedding, then planned the wedding they can AFFORD - it's stupid to go into debt over a wedding.... I would think the vast majority of couples just plan the wedding on the money they have SAVED, they don't get loans!
Who are you trying to impress, here???

Answer 9

Champagne dreams on a beer budget?

You are not selling meal tickets.

A wedding invitation should be just that, not an invoice.

The gift should be of the guests choice and accordingly to their budget.

You should not demand or expect people to cover their "plate"... this is not the county fair.

If your concern is financial, then you should downsize or get a cheaper caterer, or opt for a cake and punch reception or brunch, but people are not obligated to pay for your choices.

Graceful brides accept ANY gift with a smile, if my blind grannie would knit me a dollie for my wedding I would be more than happy, who cares about how much the meal costs.

I'm going to a wedding this August in a very exclusive venue in Boston. They are paying $125 per plate and the 2 of us are invited. The couple is neither begging for money or complaining about how much a "plate" cost... they have plenty, but more importantly, they have CLASS.

Good luck

Answer 10

Are you serious??? If you, the bride and groom, cannot afford to pay for all the people you invite than YOU cannot afford the wedding reception. It should NEVER be the resposibility of the guest to accept or not accept an invitation based on if they thing they could afford it or if you could. NORMAL people assume that when they are invited to a wedding reception they are only supposed to bring a gift not money. TACKY!!!!!

Answer 11

Bridzilla's cheap cousin? How money grubbing of you. Why don't you have a wedding your friends and family can afford like at Mickey D's or the Colonel's. Guests are not expected to "cover their plate" If you cannot afford the $100 a plate wedding you think you want then you should cut it down to something you can afford to pay for yourselves of cut the wedding list down to the one or two people who could afford to pay for a place at your wedding. Shame on you.