Blonde jokes?

Question

can you tell me some blonde jokes please?

Answer 1

A blind man enters a Ladies Only bar by mistake. He finds his way to
a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you want to hear a good blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - given that you are blind- that you should know five things:
~ The bartender is a blonde girl.
~ The bouncer is a blonde girl.
~ I’m a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
~ The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weight lifter.
~ The lady to your right is also blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
“Nah….not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times. “

A young blonde, from Louisiana, was on vacation and driving through the Florida Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle on prices” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Well then, maybe I’ll just have to go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!”
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, “Little lady, go give it a shot!”
The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch her an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he pulled over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he spots a huge 9 foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, and nails it right between the eyes and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp.
Lying nearby were 7 more carcases, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto it’s back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out….. ‘”S**T…THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT TOO!”

Answer 2

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead escaped from jail, the guards were right on their tail so they ducked into a warehouse. Finding some empty sacks the women climbed in and hid. The men saw one of the sacks moved so he kicked it, the brunette said "WOOF!" The man said "Oh it's just a dog, keep looking" So he kicked the second bag, and the redhead said "MEOW!" The second man said "Oh, it's just a cat, check the next bag, so he gave it a kick and the blonde replied.. "POTATOES!"
*****
Later the women were caught and put before a firing squad, They were asked if they had any last words, the brunette yelled "EARTHQUAKE!" and in the confusion she ran off and got away. The redhead was brought before the firing squad and asked the same thing, she yelled "TORNADO!" and in the confusion she also managed to get away. Lastly the blonde was asked the same thing so she yelled "FIRE!"

Answer 3

Here is a blonde joke that will be popular for Christmas.

A group of carolers had just started singing, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" as they were collecting non-perishable food items in a neighborhood. They approach a house and ring the doorbell, and a blonde woman answers. Right away, the carolers start singing, "Now bring us some figgy pudding/Now bring us some figgy pudding/Now bring us some figgy pudding./Now bring us some here./We won't go until we get some./We won't go until we get some./We won't go until we get some./Til we get some good cheer."

"Hang on a moment," the blonde says, and proceeds to go through all her pantries, including the one down in her basement.

The carolers wait about ten minutes before the blonde comes back with various pudding packs. "I'm sorry, I don't have any figgy pudding. Would you like some chocolate, butterscotch or banana instead?"

*****

A blonde decides to go shopping for new clothes. She walks by the building for a certain organization and after reading the sign, decides to go in.

Instead of finding what she was looking for, all she saw were groups of boys in certain rooms, socializing, working on the computers, eating lunch, even working out in the gym they have. The blonde gets confused and runs to the head of the organization.

"Excuse me," she said, "but I've noticed there are no dresses and skirts and blouses and belts and shoes on sale here, just a bunch of boys in these depressing, grey rooms, just doing whatever."

The organization head laughs and says, "Lady, you've just walked into the YMCA."

"The YMCA?" the blonde asks. "I could've sworn the sign outside was supposed to say, "Macy."

Answer 4

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "Earthquake!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "Tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.

The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "Fire!!"

isn't that funny i got another one

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.

1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"
2nd blonde: "Chickens."
1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"
2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"
1st blonde: Well, I think you've got three."

And another one is

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first.

"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.
p>
"I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up.

"I think--"

"POOF!"

One more.................

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

funny huh?

Answer 5

Heres a few

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"



A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."


There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

Answer 6

Two blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks. The first blonde says that they are deer tracks. The second says that they are elk traks, and they start arguing over it. In fact, they were still arguing when the train hit them.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 6, 1 to mix the dough and 5 to peel the smarties.

Answer 7

Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails?
A: To hide the valve stem!
Submitted by: B.J. Schuller

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Over 400 Blonde Jokes here -- http://www.zelo.com/blonde

Answer 8

So there is a blonde and a brunette in a car going to the movies. The brunette is driving and the blonde is in the passenger seat. They are late, so the brunette is speeding, and she knows it. The brunette says to the blonde "is there a cop behind us?" The blonde turns around and says "uhhh, YES" The brunette says " ****! are his lights on?" The blonde turns around again and says " YES NO YES NO YES NO"

haha its hilarious

Answer 9

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a
Note for her milkman to
Leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt
There must be a mistake.

He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your
Note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.

Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub
Up with milk and take a milk bath
So I can look young and beautiful again..

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."

Answer 10

Conor is such a blonde he doesn't know how to look through jokes & riddles and find blonde jokes, so he wastes points and asks people to tell him some