Should I tell my ex about the guy I slept with?

Question

My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me, and about a month and a half after the breakup, I was hanging out with a friend of mine who had also been recently dumped, and we slept together. Neither of us is interested in a real relationship as we're both still in love with our ex's, but it was nice to comfort each other.

A week after I slept with the guy, I saw my ex, and while I wasn't planning on it happening, we had sex. He still doesn't want to get back together, but he's not interested in anyone else, and I'm pretty sure he'd be upset if he knew that I had slept with someone else. He broke up with me because, while he still likes me, he wasn't in love with me, and he moved away. There is a chance that we might get together eventually - I know that he just has a hard time letting people get close to him.

Should I tell him about the guy I slept with, or is he better off not knowing?

Answer 1

Don't ask, don't tell. Mistakes happen. Ask your self not whether he needs or wants to know, but whether it will make him happy. The "need" to confess is strong, but it is about one's self. Burdening someone else is selfish. Don't tell. If the relationship lasts and when you reach a point where it doesn't matter if you tell, then tell. When you both can laugh about it is the best time. Why hurt him?

Answer 2

Ok so you and your ex aren't in love with each other but you have sex with each other and he doesn't want to get back together? It sounds like he feels alone now that you two aren't an item anymore, and he wants the benefits of being in a relationship (sex) without the committment. Really lame. Is this guy worth it? Honesty is always the best policy, but in this case I'd be totally honest with him, then let him go. The more you come back to him the more likely you are to end up wasting more time with this guy. Move on to someone who respects you enough to let you have your space once you break up.

Answer 3

Yes you should because what we as females need to understand is that these male's don't stop no show see they want you to be stuck on them and not dating anyone else and depressed when they leave and when you're not they get upset so who cares if he gets upset girl he left you you didn't leave him and tehn he came back basically just to have sex also you need not do that again because then he's going to think that he can do that anytime he having a dry season and you want to let him know that it don't go taht way so tell him what difference does it make and plus a man will always be a man so just because he told you he wasn't interested in anyone does mean he didn't do his share with anyone or people

Answer 4

oh god no sweetheart. no way. A man always wants to think that he is the only one who has had a piece of your pie. sweetheart why would you want to get back together with a man who confessed that he wasn't in love with you. I say that you should be out dating other men, why wait for this old boyfriend to decided if he wants you or not. Let him go. He's just not doing you any good. You want to be with someone who is going to love and respect you. Not confuse you and make you feel bad about yourself. Tell the ex-boyfriend nothing. and that is exactly what he deserves from you Nothing

Answer 5

Why would you tell your ex? You were already broken up when you had sex with this other guy. There's no reason your ex should know. It only would matter if you had sex while you were still dating and if you had gotten back together. Let sleeping dogs lie. Keep everything in the past.

Answer 6

You said he dumped you ,,,, That means you no longer have any obligation or responsibility to him what so ever ,,,, What you've done after he did that is none of his business ,,,, You don't owe him a thing ,,,, As for this other person you had sex with ,,,, Well there are allot of people that have friends with benefits ,,,, Your X doesn't need to know about that either ,,,,

Answer 7

The best way to answer the question is to look at the situation from his perspective. And to answer this question - What do you hope to achieve by telling him that after breaking up with him you slept with someone else? What will it accomplish?

If nothing good could possibly come out of this revelation, are you just trying to absolve yourself by being truthful?

Answer 8

Heck no! You would be foolish to tell him what you did. It is personal and he has no reason to know. He already has a problem with people getting next to him and you will just give him a reason to push you further away. He's better off not knowing and I'm sure he isn't telling you everything anyways. Nobody wants to hear history like that.

Answer 9

Women want to be as honest as possible and disclose everything to the people they care for. In this case, it's none of his business who you were with post-breakup. Unless you didn't use protection with the other guy, and there is a chance you might have something, there is no reason to tell him anything.

Answer 10

I would say that unless you do get back together, then there is no reason for you to tell him about it. It really isn't any of his business what (or who) you choose to do, especially considering you were not together at the time.

If you do get back together, then you should probably tell him because you don't want to begin the relationship with a secret, or a potential lie.

Answer 11

Since you aren't actually together anymore and this was his decision, he has to know that you aren't going to be waiting around just for him. If he broke up with you, he lost the right to have you solely physically and emotionally. It is none of his business what you do with your mind soul and body as he so readily gave it up. If you want to tell him, feel free, but I would suggest keeping it to yourself to avoid any further control he may wish to place upon you without actually being with you. Best of Luck!