Invitation etiquette - where has it gone?

Question

I've invited kids to my dau party, and they've come, then my dau has not received invitations to their parties a few months later. I was taught you must return invitations - that's how people make friends and build communities. I was also taught is extreme rudeness not to return an invitation.
What's changed - the times, or the place(I moved)?
Please no remarks about me being miffed that my kid didn't get an invite - it's got nothing to do with that.

Answer 1

I agree with you. I think that many parents these days let their kids do what they want so as not to get any hassle off them. But educating your kids in what is correct takes an effort that some just can`t be bothered with, so for example little Johnny says "I don`t want X at my party" instead of mum and dad teaching him that it is correct and good manners to return the invitation, they just give in for the sake of an easy life. It`s not good but sadly it`s true. You teach your daughter your good manners. other people`s brats are their problem.

Answer 2

In my experience (three children's worth of parties!) people have different kinds of parties - some people invite the whole class, some only invite the girls/boys, some only invite family, some can't afford/don't want a large party so only invite a small number of very close friends. So even if my daughter was invited to a large party for the birthday of a boy in her class, if at her birthday she wanted to have 5 girls over for a barbie party - I wouldn't invite that boy!
Hope this is helpful.
On the manners question, I don't think this applies unless it is a big party.
If you invited my child over to play though, I would certainly return that invitation.

Answer 3

I think it depends on how old your daughter is - once they get to an age when they are genuinely independently making friends for themselves, then I don't think you can force kids to invite people who they don't consider to be friends. In my experience, that normally happens around age 8 -10, when children start to fall into different social groups.

If you're talking younger than that, then I think maybe you have a valid point. If the parents don't make the effort to keep the connections for their children, then those connections will break.

Answer 4

I wasn;t aware of that one. Seems to me requiring to invite someone you don't really want there wont "build" anything.
It may be that not all of us can afford to invite everyone to everything. I'm sure after throwing your own party you know it can get quite expensive having to invite people just because they invited you. I think more it would tend to build cliques and keep outsiders and new people out of the inner circles.
Personally, it irritates me much more to have RSVPs ignored. Those are an OUTRIGHT request to be informed of whether a guest is coming or not. Out of over 70 people invited ot the last party we had, I only received an answer to the RSVP from a dozen.

Answer 5

The times have definitely changed. Simple things like, "please" and "thank you" have gone out the window right along with invitation etiquette. It's sad, but true. Not saying this is your case, but I've noticed a huge difference between the younger generation and that of my parents (I'm 28). The values and ethics our parents had are nearly non-existent.

Answer 6

I can relate, whatever happened to people RVSP ing? Twice in the last five years, no one has called to say whether they are attending or not. They just show up, or they don't show up. This makes it very difficult to plan a party, goodie bags etc. There is very little evidence of etiquette these days and it is very disappointing.

Answer 7

I think it depends on the age. My 4 year old we invite everyone or non at all, my seven year old invites who he would like ( it is his party after all) as long as not just one or two children are exluded. But I don't care if they don't get invites to all the parties, that's life and that's not why we invited them in the first place.
It is bad manners tho, don't worry about it.

Answer 8

this is true,i sent my daughters invites out,and on the same day another child sent his out,but my girl didnt get one from him,and we had sent them to virtually the whole class,then the next day she got one,which was obviously an after thought,and it did surprise me as they had always gone to one anothers parties previous years

Answer 9

The difference is probably where you moved to. People get treated one way in one place and another way in another place. Every town has their own custom.

Answer 10

all etiquette has gone down the toilet. parents don't keep track of their kids friends -- they are too stressed over their superficial lives. the kids make up the invite list. welcome to suburbia 2007. there is no community.