Miss-use of quotations?

Question

My mother often changed the quote from William Congreve 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned', into 'Hell knows no fury like a woman's corn.' Do you have have other examples?

Let's not talk of malapropisms. In a very serious play we were rehearsing for an amateur dramatic competition, my mother pronounsed, 'I'm afraid to go alone, the stranger's cast a smell on me.' It was, thankfully, in rehearsal.

That was pronounCed - not pronounSed. Obviously I've inherited some traits.

I'm just trying to lighten things up a little.
The cat crept into the crypt, crapped and crept out again.
'That remains to be seen,' said the cat as it came from behind the piano'.
Why's everyone so serious?

Answer 1

my dad always says 'there's madness in my method' instead of 'there's method in my madness'

confuses people for ages cos they know something's wrong with that sentence but they're not quite sure what!

Answer 2

I have like a million favorites, and right this
second, I'm drawing more blanks than a
bad John Wayne movie.

That said, I cannot recommend any higher
reference than fun-with-words.com, and
can honestly say I've ended up crying on
more than one occasion, as a direct result
of the laughter which it invokes.

Enjoy!

Answer 3

I just found a couple on Wikipedia. Not surprisingly, they are made by Mike Tyson and Tonya Harding, two intellectual featherweights!!

"I might just fade into Bolivian, you know what I mean?" (i.e. oblivion) — Mike Tyson
"I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage." (i.e. Carthage) — Mike Tyson
"I am not going to make a skeptical out of my boxing career." (i.e. spectacle) — Tonya Harding

Answer 4

My daughter had to learn a poem at primary school called My wee red motor.
When practising she always said My wee red motor by Rabbie Burns.
That would have been a miracle as they didn't have motors when he was alive!

Answer 5

I don't know of any quotes as clever as your mother's, but here are a couple of malapropisms (misuses of speech done by mistake):

"He is the very pine-apple of politeness!"

"Why, murder's the matter! slaughter's the matter! killing's the matter! - but he can tell you the perpendiculars."

"I've got these two albacores around my neck"

"We heard the sea is infatuated with sharks"

Answer 6

I used this one for quite a while untill I noticed people didn't really understood what I was talking about:

That's not my piece of cake (in stead of that's not my cup of tea).

Well cake does go well with tea ;-)

Answer 7

I know someone who used to say- The world is your lobster (oyster), which for him was quite witty! Couldn't stand the bloke!

Answer 8

Our family favourite is:- "It's a long worm that has no turning"!