I'm in a diffcult situation and I need help?

Question

There is this guy that I've been interested in for a few years now. We've been involved on and off. About three months ago, he met someone and they have both fallen head over heels for eachother and he has tried to remain friends with me. She has left to go back to Mexico for at least the next couple of months but will be returning. He is flat broke and had a run-in with his roomate. I stupidly told him he could stay with me in my one bedroom apartment for $200 per month and he has taken me up on my offer. He sleeps on my couch and wants nothing to do with me romantically. When I so much as try to hug him, he pulls away. I have become his roomate. and I feel humiliated. In addition, he keeps on talking about how he needs to save his money - - and I know he is saving up to be with her. I told him that I feel used. He feels there is nothing wrong with this situation because we are just "friends" but i feel hurt and rejected. Who is wrong here and what should I do?

I forgot to add that his girlfriend is coming back to town very soon. I told him that I don't want him to bring her over at anytime. I don't feel comfortable having him and her in my one bedroom apartment, but I'm afraid he's going to bring her over when I leave for work. What a mess! Suggestions?

Answer 1

Sporty, I am sorry that you are in such an awful situation. I know it is difficult to care for someone who does not share the same feelings as you do for them. I know you were trying to be kind to this guy for a number of reasons. I think now, it is time for you to ask him to leave. It is YOUR apartment, and you have every right to ask him to leave. Now that he has a girlfriend, it is just too painful for you to let him stay. Do NOT let anyone tell you that this is your fault, you were thinking with your heart when you offered him a place to go. You do not have to JUSTIFY to ANYONE why you are asking him to move out. Please tell him the arrangements are no longer in either of your best interests. Be direct and firm, no matter what he says. You need to take care of yourself first. He is not thinking about your feelings, and I am certain that he does know that you care for him more than just a friend. If he was truly a friend, he would leave on his own accord.This is not a matter of right or wrong, so do what is" best" for a difficult situation. Best wishes, and I hope all goes well for you.

Answer 2

Actually I believe that you are wrong. You made the offer to him and didn't expose all conditions upfront. He just sees you as his friend, so it is natural for him to tell you what he did. he is being a good boyfriend to his friend by not letting you touch him that way, it's a good way to avoid any missunderstanding. He has the right to take his girlfriend over to your appartment because he pays rent. When you offered to be roomates with him you probably acted on an impulse and didn't think things through (on how this would affect you) or did it as a plot to try to win him over and probably you fell more for him, so it didn't work. He does not feel for you the same thing you feel for him, he trully sees you as a friend, try not to ruin it. Tell hem that you have been feeling a little uncomfortable with your living situation, that you thought that you would get used to it, but you didn't you are used to live alone, and kindly ask him if he can move out and help him look for an apartment for him. then ttry to go out with your other firneds and do other things, so you can meet more people and maybe even Mr. Right (now). the thing is to get you a life appart from him and that way you may overcome your feelings for him, your attraction to him.

Answer 3

Why should you feel used when you are just friends and you know he is involved with another girl? You should respect him for being able to have self control and not fool around with you while living with you when his girlfriend is not around. In addition, you were the one that offered the place to him just like a friend helping out. But if it bothers you that he is a perfect gentlement and does not cheat on his girlfriend with you, then you need to let him know that the 1 bedroom apartment is too small for the both of you and he needs to find another place to crash.

Answer 4

No one is wrong, but you said yourself that asking him to move in wasn't a good idea. He seems to be a good guy that is trying to be true to his girlfriend and not take advantage of you in a physical or emotional way - he is not leading you on. If he is paying you $200 a month, then he should be allowed to have whoever he wants visit even though it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he isn't paying what he agreed upon then ask him to respect your wishes and not invite his girlfriend over. Tell him it is not working out and give him a date that you want him to move out. (Give him a reasonable amount of time to find somewhere else to live.) Do you have a lease that prohibits him being there? If you do let him know that.

Answer 5

Sounds like you were just being a really good friend but wanted a little more.There's nothing wrong with that and no reason to feel used.Just make sure you get that 200 bucks and if you want tell him that this wasn't a good idea so you need to find another place.Not much else you can do

Answer 6

I will say that it is your mistake, please excuse me if i am too straight. From the begining it is a mistake to fall for this men, you know that both of you had some on and off, but yet you are unable to let go of this uncertain relationship. he is taking you for a ride, perhape many ride i suppose. what you need to do now is to end this whole unpleasant relationship, and seek for a better relationship with someone that are willing to share and care for your feeling. I know it is hard to let go in such a short time, but you must try. You never know, if you do not throw the bad, you will not gain the good. Try! I belief you can do it. Cheers!

Answer 7

so you like this guy>? and you thought that having him stay with you might bring the two of you closer togather, but, instead he wants nothing to do with you and looks at the situation as a buissness deal, just a place to stay. I would just tell him that you do have feelings for him and that you don't think you can handle the arrangement anymore, expecialy, if his GIRLFRIEND will be coming around, ask him to find another place. good luck

Answer 8

You secretly in your heart had hoped that if he moved in you can move in on him and honestly believe that if you slept with him it would have brought him to you. THAT IS A LIE. Sorry! You tried to control him and his love. Instead of accepting his girlfriend and his love for her, you have tried to control it so that it would never take place. This just might be the person for him and you would try to break that up. It seems to me that what you planned in secret back fired and is the only reason why you feel rejected. He wants to have a friendship with you but is in love with this girlfriend. RESPECT THAT. If you can't handle it then ask him to move on, but know that you stand on loosing his friendship. Sometimes it's better to have that friendship than none at all. Stop trying to control and manipulate things by believing that if you sleep with him then he will come to you, or by allowing him to live with you he will change his feelings. He's on the up and up and I feel that he has done nothing wrong. You feel the way you do because of FALSE EXPECTATIONS THAT YOU PLACED, because of your fantasy of wanting him for yourself. Sometimes greed doesn't pay.

Answer 9

I hate to say it, but you are the wrong party in this matter. You are wrong because you tried to manipulate him and buy his affection by letting him move in with you. You thought that you could buy his affection and that didn't happen. So, suck it up and move on. I don't want to sound rude, but get over him and find someone else. You can't hold something that you suggested over his head.

Answer 10

u should have been more honest with him when u made the offer.u said roommates and that is what he wants.respect the fact that he has a girlfriend and loves her enough to wait for her and not cheat like so many men would.but let him now he needs to start looking for a place to live because it is not working out for u and why.