I owe my mother. Hilaarious please open and star it!!!?

Question

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL..
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15 My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father"

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

Answer 1

Lol, heres a star*

Answer 2

that is very funny!! wut a coincedence, my dad used 2call me a blue tornado couple of years ago, cuz wen i baked ne thing, the mess i left he sed looked like a tornado hit the kitchen, & bcuz my fav. color 4the past few years haz bin blu.
i may already b18 & practically 2 l8 4this, but i still say therez still time 2save myself & stop eating my vegiez.lol.evr since i turned 13, i h8ed it & wanted 2go back 2being 12 again.
my dad sez the 'time travel' thing 1ts in awile, its pretty funny. & so is the praying 1.being a Christian tho, i gotta say, therez more 2pray about than just hoping a stain will go away, lol.my dad also hopes my kids will b just like me, so he can get me back.(ive always bin a super-brat.)
overall, LOL.

Answer 3

Oddly enough my mother never told me any of these. Boy did I miss out on a lot of laughs!!!

Answer 4

I've had these said to me by my mum and must admit have used a few on my kids.

Answer 5

Looks like an e-mail forward that you copied and pasted. not very original.

Answer 6

My mom said all of those to me,lol. i loved it

Answer 7

you know, I think I posted this same joke recently. But great anyway! ha ha ha

Answer 8

hex naww!! thats crazy n funny!!! u get a star!

Answer 9

LMFAOOO HAHAAAA ALL OF YUR THING ARE GREAT!
lmaoooo

Answer 10

here is a star and thanks for the laugh..i woke the kids just by laughing out too loud...and #25 is my fave too ;)