Suggestions on how to deal with BPD?

Question

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been through treatment, gone through therapy and was on psychiatric medication, I even had a brief stay at psychiatric hospital. That's not the really why I am asking my question though.

Here is my problem: I don't have very much money anymore. I can't afford treatment like I used to.

There are times I feel like I lose myself inside mind. I'm sneaky, I'm manipulative, I'm hurtful, controlling, - on top of all that, I loathe myself to my very core, I feel like I have a layer of bad, of evil coating my skin... half the time... the other half of the time I feel like no on appreciates how great I am and no one loves me.

I want to stop, I want to have control of myself, I want to be ok - things were getting better when I was on medication, when I was seeing a psychologist, but I can't afford it anymore.

At this point I am open to any suggestions anyone can make. Anything would help - please.

Answer 1

You should take a walk in the park, or have a cup of tea. Or you can do an art thing, like draw or something. write it down on paper.
Hm...
go to the part and sit there, staring at a tree, or talking to a tree.... while drawing or writing....
Hm...
Try to just take a walk and notice the people around you, the small details of your suroundings? What do they remind you of?

Answer 2

Can you try group therapy? Groups at church? Or you can be in touch with the county hospital? Catholic charities? Social work department at hospitals can get you in touch with a variety of resources.

Not all programs require payment up front. Some are based on your ability (or lack thereof) to pay or are on a sliding scale based on your income.

Seems that you've identified the problem and are really motivated to keep it from getting the best of you; 2 BIG things that will work in your favor.

Local mental health facilities might have a waiting time for evaluation and a case manager can point you in the right direction. In the mean time, work on relaxation and imagery, and take medications.

Answer 3

Have you ever heard of DBT? It's most beneficial when you have a skills training leader and a class atmosphere, but if you go to www.mindfulmind.com you'll get some useful information and helpful links.

Your description of BPD is, to me, concise and accurate. It's a living hell.

Another free resource, aside from googling Borderline Personality Disorder, Marsha Linehan and Dialectical Behavior Therapy, is a yahoo group called borderline. Only those diagnosed with BPD are approved for membership, and it's a quality community of borderlines who offer support and encouragement to each other, and also vent or ask advice or share joys and successes - basically a chance to talk to people who you don't have to explain yourself to.

I'm a comoderator of the group; if you want to check it out email me and we can talk about what name to include in your application so I'll recognize you and approve your membership right away.

Answer 4

Try to find a therapist who works on a sliding scale--or a public mental health facility. They might be able to help.

One of the best things you can do is try to understand on your own. Try reading "Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified" by Robert Friedel, and "Get me out of here" by Rachel Reiland. The first book is by a doctor and the second is by a recovering BPD patient. If you're really stretched for money, use the library.

Also, try an online search for BPD support groups in your area. They are usually very low cost (even free) and you will get more ideas from them.

Don't give up, you are NOT alone. BPD is tough, but if you want to get well--and it sounds like you do--recovery is possible.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Call mental health referral agencies in your area. They should be able to help. If the medication helped, you should stay on it. Look for mental health clinics in your area. Any psych. hospital should be able to refer you based on income and need. You have to be your own advocate. Try calling "211" as it gives referrals, if your area has this system. Worth a try and good luck and don't give up. Sometimes, it is an up hill climb...just continue to put one foot in front of the other. You are not alone and others DO care.

Answer 6

See BPD at the foot of page 1, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and practise one of the relaxation techniques on page 2 daily, and when needed. Read that page, and the tips at the mental-health-abc & conquering stress websites, and work on your self esteem, as advised. Contact your county/local mental health facility, Catholic counselling, or the Methodist church (you don't need to be a member).

Answer 7

You seem to know yourself better than an average so called sane person.....so you are doing not too bad at the moment and just try to live now like thee is no tomorrow , noone knows what is next........everyone can lose his mind sometimes to lose it is just the way to go about it..... for me if i feel i am gonna lose it, i smoke a joint and after i dont care as i am not aware of anything so for you dont be so selfaware its freaky........go and smoke a joint it will tell you who you really are....

Answer 8

I consider Mandalay. I unquestionably have a determine with intense BPD, and that i does not choose that on everybody. it rather is an fairly, confusing, unhappy, rollercoaster element to handle on a usual foundation. there is drugs, there is the scientific care, there is sessions of calm... in spite of the fact that it continuously swings lower back one way or yet another, and wham, it impacts all and sundry around them in an excellent way. a buddy of mine married somebody with it knowingly thinking she would desire to guard it -- he did not show too many undesirable warning signs of it (had her rose glasses on). They ended up divorced not too long after. I supply you an excellent sort of credit in being there for her and coping along with her ailment, being supportive and sticking with the aid of. yet think of this with the aid of heavily, on your guy or woman sake -- in case you recognize what you have gotten your self into for the long-term. and that i say that as a toddler of somebody with this ailment whom I do love, yet I totally recognize what it rather is choose for to stay with and it rather is close to impossible. stable success in spite of the fact which you opt for for to do.

Answer 9

Talk with your friends, family, boy friend, husband... anybody. Be honest with people around you, it might force you to be honest with your self. You might find out what you need to survive.

Answer 10

I don't consider you sick, I think there's valid and real reasons you feel this way.

Your hating yourself is a result of trusting your thoughts to inform you about reality.....

So just experiment right now and stop trusting your thoughts.
How does that feel?

Contact me if you have questions.