Who pays for the wedding if the daughter is working and doing much better financially than her parents?

Question

She wants a big and very expensive wedding, and we are not wealthy.

Answer 1

The days when the parents were expected to pay for a gala event for a daughter's wedding are over. That was alright when the young bride-to-be went directly from her parents' home to her husband's and had no job, etc, and was to become a homemaker...

I think it's sad/funny that so many "modern" women shun many "traditional" values like chastity until marriage, yet when it comes time to pay for a wedding, they're suddenly all over making sure tradition is followed...

I am a professional adult woman, and I've asked my mom if she'd be willing to pay for the dj ($200) and the cake topper ($80)...she doesn't have much money, and I wouldn't even care if she couldn't do that, but she seems to feel bad she can't help more, but I explained I wasn't expecting her to help financially...being a bride doesn't give anyone the right to abandon reality...

Answer 2

The only reason parents paid for the wedding in the first place traditionally was b/c the girl lived with her parents until she was married, so she had nothing of her own except maybe a hope chest. Now that girls move out of their parents houses and have their own jobs, houses, lives in general, parents should not be EXPECTED to pay for anything...if they have the money and WANT to help, great! If they don't, they are under NO obligation. So, talk with your daughter and tell her that you just can't contribute financially.

Answer 3

The amount you contribute to her wedding is a gift and she should not get less because she is doing well. You give what you can afford, and what she wants for a wedding should have no bearing also.

Would you pay for a big and expensive wedding if she had nothing ? That the question you need to answer.

Answer 4

If she's old enough to get married, then she's old enough to recognize that there are financial limitations to everything. In other words, "What she wants and what she gets are two different things." I know you don't want to disappoint her, because you are probably nice folks and love her, but if she's expecting you to foot the bill for a lavish wedding, she's fast developing a bad case of Bridezilla.

Nip it in the bud. Sit down with her and explain that you have reviewed your finances, and you can afford to pay "X" amount towards her wedding, if anything. You don't have to explain it, you don't have to excuse it -- it's YOUR money, and it's HER wedding.

One can get married for just the cost of the license and a fee to the justice of the peace, or they can spend millions of dollars. Most of us fall somewhere inbetween :-) Don't be ashamed of where you fall. It's financially irresponsible to go into debt to finance a wedding.

If she wants anything more lavish than what you are willing to fund, then either she and her finace will have to come up with the difference -- or, I'm betting that she'll decide it's not that important, after all. :-)

Answer 5

No parent has to pay for a wedding. If the parents choose to do so, that's a lovely gift. Or if they choose to contribute a set amount or the cost of a particular item, again, that's very generous of them.

If the parents do not make such an offer, then they are in no way obligated to pay for any of it.

If you would like to help out, offer what you feel is appropriate. It's then up to the happy couple to find the difference between what you can pay for and what they want to do. If you choose not to contribute - for whatever reason you may have - it is up to them to come up with all of it.

Answer 6

Though it is traditional for the parents to pay, the idea is not to make you bankrupt! I would sit down and tell her that as much as you wish you could pay for a huge shindig, reality won't allow it. Set out a specific budget for what you can afford. If she wants more, she, the groom, and/or his parents will have to chip in. I've heard of lots of weddings where the other parents or the couple have helped pay, so it's completely reasonable to put a limit on what you can and can't do.

Answer 7

I think you answered your own question there. It's only tradition for the bride's parents to pay, it's not mandatory. If the daughter is doing better financially, I see absolutely no reason at all for the parents to fork over the money. Doesn't really make any sense to me. Not sure if you're the daughter or the parent but it sounds a little selfish for the daughter to expect her parents to pay in this situation... just my opinion.

Answer 8

If she is doing much better financially then she needs to be considerate and realize this. Sure you guys can help with part of the wedding...but if she wants something extravagant, she needs to not be selfish and pick up the extra tab herself. You can give her a budget that YOU can afford...and anything above and beyond that you will GLADLY help her prepare, plan...but not pay for. I think if your daughter is any type of good person she will understand and already be planning on NOT asking you guys for any money.

Answer 9

In modern days, most brides/grooms who have either lived on their own, or lived together..those brides/grooms pay for their own ceremony. If family wants to give money towards the wedding, more power to them..but there is no reason the family of the bride should pay for everything, when the bride is self sufficient.

Answer 10

Tradition says the parents pay. Reality says the wedding needs to fit the budget of whomever is footing the bill. Talk to your daughter. Tell her how much you are able and willing to help out. That way she can either talk to the grooms family and see if they are willing to help too or kick in the rest herself.