I'm an athiest, He's a Christian. I never try to push my beliefs (non-beliefs) on him although we do have religious discussions from time to time. He's also married and has a Christian wife. He doesn't love her but won't leave her because she can't (won't) make it on her own. I'm not pushing it because I don't want to get married and like my life the way it is. The only thing that bothers me is this issue. He fervently believes that He will go to Hell because He's living a sinful life and I feel guilty because I'm part of that even though I don't believe the way He does. Should I let him go and let him make his own decisions about his wife and not be a part of it? I love him and he loves me and though I've tried to leave him I can't and he begs me not to. FWIW, she doesn't give him what he needs in bed or out, isn't that a sin?
2007-07-02
12:42:34
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26 answers
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asked by
texastea1010
1
in
Society & Culture
➔ Religion & Spirituality
Don't forget to answer the last question and yes it's true, she's the one who told me. Yes, it's a soap opera, but I'm learning a lot from your answers.
2007-07-02
13:11:59 ·
update #1
I will never suggest that a married person should engage in a relationship with someone other than their spouse, but I do think it is sad when marriages don't work out. My reasoning comes from what I've been through. My parents were both Christians, married and the like, but it didn't work out, and it is a very ugly process for anyone to go through. No matter what you believe, I think it is wrong to have a relationship with a married person if you aren't married to them. I know how hard it can be when you want someone, and even though you two might make each other happy, he really needs to focus on his marriage and try to get that straightened out, if possible. I won't say everything is your fault, because he obviously wants the relationship with you, and he's the one who's having marital problems, not you. My advice is to tell him that he needs to figure things out before you guys go anywhere. I hate divorce with a passion that goes so deep, and before he resorts to that option he needs to tell his wife everything and get some counseling. At the very least, I'm glad the two of you can have civil conversations despite your differences in belief, and wish that there could be more of that in this world, but I cannot condone a relationship that has the potential to ruin any marriage, even an unsatisfying one.
2007-07-02 12:54:39
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answer #1
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answered by Dan in Real Life 6
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Bail! Bail!
He won't leave his wife? What kind of future do you think you have with this selfish doof? Is being a piece on the side really what you want for the rest of your life? Run, don't walk, the other way very quickly. He doesn't love you. Like all cheating puds he only loves himself. His begging is just him trying to control you. You owe him nothing, he has to sort out his own life for himself.
It was okay to have a crush for a while but you have no future with this man, and you should go out and find someone who's actually, you know, available, who can be a real partner to you, marriage or no marriage. It takes more than love to make a relationship work, and however much you love him, this is not a relationship that can work.
2007-07-02 19:57:34
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answer #2
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answered by KC 7
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believe me hes not much of a christian man to do that to his christian wife. maybe she can't make it on her own because she still loves him and he still loves her..and if you do ever get to marry him how do you know he won't find another and do the same thing to you? you really need to think about this, its a rough and hard way to go, many promises that will never be fulfilled...if she don't give in or out of bed then maybe there is a reason, as for it being a sin not really, what he is doing with you and against his wife is the big sin and you are part of the same sin..Peace
2007-07-02 20:16:26
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answer #3
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answered by pops 4
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You have bigger problems than what this man believes. If he were truly a "believer" he wouldn't be stepping outside of his marriage vows with you, regardless of what excuses he may give. The REAL question is... do you want a boyfriend that thinks it's okay to step outside of a committed relationship? And why would you want to be #02? If you have no plans to marry this man or have a long term, monogamous relationship who cares what he believes.
If you let him go don't do it for religious reasons... do it because you can't see yourself having a future with a liar and cheat. He may be a nice guy, but what he's doing is wrong. How would you like to be the wife in this scenario?
Good luck.
2007-07-02 20:00:16
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answer #4
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answered by ღ†Rocker Wife†ღ 7
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Ok, have you talked to his wife? If not you are only getting his story. I wouldn't trust him further than I could throw him. A man who claims his religion and yet does "sin" but doesn't change what he is doing is nothing more than a liar. This guy is with you because you allow it. If it wasn't you it'd be someone else. Don't feel special cause he has no respect for women or he wouldn't do this to his wife. If he doesn't love her then he needs to leave her. The thing is he doesn't want to leave her or he would. He is using the story that he is staying with her so you won't push. Plus it makes him look like a good guy. He is trash. Don't lower yourself anymore to his level.
2007-07-02 19:59:29
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answer #5
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answered by Janet L 6
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What kind of religious discussion do you have with this man? He is married and cheating on his wife with you. I cannot imagine him telling you about morality and about the commandment thou shalt not commit adultery leave and let him work things out with his wife.This relationship with him does not seem to be love but based on sex. You are an atheist and he is a so call christian eventually he is going to turn from you. Run, Run, Run.
maybe he is one of those christians who lives on emotion rather than true spirituality and faith in God.
2007-07-02 20:45:26
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answer #6
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answered by Dovesss 2
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A good christian man will not leave his wife for reasons you may not understand. He may be the one committing adultery but he will never divorce his wife because of you. Biblically speaking it is her call on that not his. If she chooses to forgive him then that is on her. Being the second woman at the party means you are the odd one out and if he has to make a choice it will be her.
2007-07-02 19:47:07
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answer #7
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answered by debbie f 5
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He is Christian? Doesn't sound like it to me. People that follow Christ do not cheat on and betray their spouses. Not to mention that his infidelity with you is considered by the Word to be adultery and fornication. Both sins against his wife, and sins against God, not to mention the holy institution of marriage. All of what I am telling you is in the Bible. The fact that you do not believe in it, and the fact that you are cheating knowingly with a married man kinda speaks for you, doesn't it?
2007-07-02 19:51:53
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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This isn't just a religious moral issue that can be blown off because you don't believe in a god. It's plain wrong! If you aren't willing to commit to him, and you like your life just as it is, you need to remove yourself from this situation -- you are contributing to the wrongdoing just as much as he is, and you know it.
What's important is that you both know it's wrong. Encourage him to seek a counselor and put off your relationship until you're willing to commit to him and he's willing to commit to you. That means after he's left his wife, if he does.
2007-07-02 19:49:28
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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My god.
Why are you putting yourself through this? This is a situation that can only get worse. Your boyfriend is married?
I would SERIOUSLY advise you to end this relationship and think about what you REALLY want in a relationship partner.
FP
2007-07-02 19:46:49
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answer #10
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answered by F. Perdurabo 7
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