A Dating ? for mature Christians?

Question

I am a 19 year old Christian man following Jesus Christ. I have been pondering this lately and I just want to hear other christian thoughts on this:

Do you think, as a Christian, I should pursue young women who are more mature in their faith than I or should it not matter? I mean, I naturally am attracted to very godly women but within the ladies that I am attracted to should I take into account their maturity in their faith when I consider asking them out? so in short... Should i take maturity of faith into account when I consider asking a young lady out? If yes, to what extent should it be taken into account? if no, why not?

please do not tell me about psalm 37:4, to be patient, or attack my maturity of faith because i am asking this question. i am sick of asking a question that doesn't deal with my maturity of faith and getting "you call yourself a christian but you don't have faith?" "Just pray about it!" "Be patient!" etc. Please just give me your opinions and pray for me

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you are not interested in casual dating but, rather, a serious relationship with the right woman. So, if it is important to you that a woman be mature in her faith, then definately this should factor into your decision whether or not to ask her out.

However, I'm not sure that you should concern yourself with whether she is "more" or "less" mature than you in her faith. This is not something that can be reduced to a number. More likely than not, you will be more mature in some ways pertaining to the Faith and she will be more mature in other ways pertaining to the Faith.

Answer 2

I am not sure how important it is overall.. I think the more important thing is that you both are currently pursuing Christ in a similar manner with a similar amount of passion. Faith always remains, but honestly sometimes the embers of the faith glow warm and other times are like a furnace at maximum heat. You just want to be headed down the same road in the same direction with the same goals, morals and values. Just saying you are a Christian for either you are here doesn't necessarily mean you have the same views on dating, marriage, sex etc. Having similar views on these items are more important. Maturity comes with time and experience as you walk down the road. AT 19 I would be more considered how it is lived out.

Answer 3

Darling,

You make one assumption which, to me, blows your whole line of thought to pieces.

Does God want you to date? If so, when, why, where?

Why: In my mind, contrary to the secular world, dating should only be used by people who are ready to find a spouse, in order to find out if two people are compatible, and it's the Lord's will to join them. Dating for fun is a real problem, and a 19 year old guy, even a Christian guy, can find himself in trouble because he can't control himself.

When: You need to finish college before you start thinking about this. You may be a mature Christian, but other parts of you, including your education, need time to grow. Marriage is hard for everyone, but having college behind them makes things easier.

Where: Returning to the lack of control issue, a couple should not be alone in a private room unless they want the inevitable to happen. Stay in public places or group dates.

I know it sounds really harsh, esp in light of what the rest of the world does, but I'm either irrefutable proof, or very lucky. The Lord gave me a wonderful, wonderful man, and then 2 great kids. That was almost 23 years ago.

The better road might not be picking out what kind of girl you want to marry, etc. but praying unceasingly that the Lord would bless you with a kind, spiritual, committed woman who was meant to be your other half.

Jackie, are you insinuating that a Christian man and a Christian woman just "live" together in Christ? That's fornication. I don't care if Billy Graham practices this, God's way is marriage, commitment. It's sad how Christians today take a cue from the people of the world and start adopting their habits, even evil ones.

Answer 4

I feel that God has set aside someone for each of us. So I will say pray about it and be patient to see what the Lord says, but I will answer your question also. You should take maturity into account when thinking about dating someone. I could ask the exact same question on Y!A because I deal with this issue. I couldn't think of dating someone that I couldn't maturely discuss the simplest doctrinal issues. I can even see me dating someone that could teach me a little. Maybe you're different. You may like to teach people these things. So I would say that it would all depend on what kind of person you are. I hope this helps, and may God bless you my brother.

In Jesus Name

Answer 5

I think it would be grossly unfair of you to only consider young women who are less mature in the faith than you so that you could have the "upper hand".

What if she were a believing Christian since she was three, and you only came to it at 17?

A more mature Christian woman could help you grow in the faith and supply words of wisdom that you might otherwise lack. She could still accept your leadership, if that matters to you, such as many mature employees work for bosses that are chronologically younger (yet still qualified to be boss).

Priscilla was probably more mature or wiser in the faith than her husband Aquila. She was usually listed first.

Deborah the judge was almost undoubtedly more mature or wiser than her husband. And what about poor Esther!

Yes, do consider the maturity in faith factor and how that plays into your potential mate's compatibility with you, and your compatibility with her. However, I think it would be unwise to disqualify automatically a woman who is either less mature or more mature in her faith than you are.

Answer 6

Hi Kevin,
In a relationship, the goal is grow together in faith. However, as the relationship matures and you eventually get married, you are expected to be the leader of your home, and that means the spiritual leader, as well. Since you're still young, you have time to grow in your faith. There's nothing wrong with pursuing a godly female. But once you decide to marry, your roles are well defined as a man and woman.

Answer 7

My advice is to just focus on your walk with God. You're 19 you have plenty of time. people who aren't Christians date for specific reasons. Wait until you can support a family then try to find Mrs. Right. And when you are ready you are right to look don't let anybody tell you different. The Bible says that "the man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord." But just because you found doesn't mean she's stuck with you. I've heard some men think like that and they're dead wrong. and her spiritual walk with God is very important. If she's not committed to God and you are then you will have friction in your marriage.

Answer 8

I will pray for you, I don't think it matters where they are on there walk with Christ. My husband found me and he was born again for the past 20 years. I never was, I was just baptized last year, and am a new person in Christ. I love having my mature husband to rely on when I have questions. it's great! So I think I would want to find someone that's more mature spiritually. I hope that helps! God Bless!!

Answer 9

Personally, I believe that you both are two individuals on the same path. Where you are on the path is YOUR business, and if she's more mature in her faith, you have to wonder how this will affect YOU?

It's quite mature of you to ask this, actually.

My advice would be to just remain friends until you know the answer for sure. It sounds like you're teetering, and it's been my experience that if you're teetering, just remain friends. Create a Bible study together. Talk to each other.

Answer 10

You are just 19, you have plenty of time. God will bring a believing woman into you wife when He thinks the time is right. For now have fun, enjoy your youth. Date a lot of Christian women. Get your life ready with an education, and a level of financial security so you can properly head a Christian home, when God brings your partner to you. Don't worry about her level of Christian Maturity. When you do meet her you will learn from her and she will learn from you.. Remember what Jesus said to Peter at the sea of Galilee after His Resurrection? Remember John was following just behind them and Peter said and I paraphrase "Lord what about John? Peter don't worry about what John will or won't do, you follow Me". So follow Christ, obey Him, turn to Him in confession when you fail. Jesus loves you and will give you the very best He has. Trust Him to send her to you, when His time is right... Jim