Would you consider this controlling?

Question

My boyfriend is away for the summer working at an internship for grad school. We only dated exclusively for a few weeks before he took off, so he didn't really know me too well and didn't know a lot of my friends. I have a lot of guy friends who are strictly JUST FRIENDS. There is no romantic connection and there never has been. However, my bf doesn't think it's appropriate that I go out with them as friends to hang out. In addition, one of my girlfriends and I went to a movie this weekend with two of our friends. (Both guys) When he found out, he was upset because he thought we were "paired off." He said he trusted me, he just didn't trust them. I don't know if it's the distance that's making him insecure or the fact that I'm going out with friends that are males. Is he being unreasonable, or am I not being fair?

At the movies, we all paid for our own tickets. My friend and I met them there. It was not a "date." It was a group of friends.

Answer 1

Sounds like a date to me. It also sounds like you two are too incompatible. Perhaps he is extreme in one direction but you're also extreme in the other.

I don't think he's insecure and frankly that's pretty insulting to him. You don't seem to have much respect for him nor do you see anything wrong with not having respect for him so why not break up with him and save both of you the headache.

Probably the number one worst thing for a persons relationships is their friends. Friends are constantly telling you how 'unfair' the person you're dating is and all the while encouraging you to do everything up to sleeping with someone else. Be honest - how many times has your friends said "You're not married to him you can do whatever you want".

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Still sounds like a date in everything but name. You know this bothers him and yet you don't care or even see a reason why you should. You clearly don't want to be with this guy so why not end it instead of playing these games. You also don't want to know how to make your relationship work you just want to hear people echo your opinion.

Answer 2

No one can tell you what you can and cannot do. It is understandable how he feels. Think of it in reverse. How would you feel if he was spending times with other girls while away? I think the fact that he is being open to you and telling you how he feels is a good sign. If you know you are not doing anything wrong, and still want to hang out with your guy friends, than do it, and you will just have to reassure him. I don't think he is an a$$ for being jealous. Who isn't? At the beginning of a relationship, and you are seperated by distance, its always going to take a little bit more of an effort on both sides. Just keep the communication going, and tell him how you feel, and what you are going to do, and he has to accept that. good luck

Answer 3

A little of both. He doesn't fully trust you or he wouldn't be concerned when you are just hanging out with others. It is hard to build trust when you haven't been close very long. It will get better when you can see him more frequently and he meets some of your friends.

It took me a long time before I fully trusted my girlfriend (later wife) in situations like that. She went off to college and I only saw her on one weekend a month. It worked out though.

Don't give up on it just yet.

Answer 4

He is not being reasonable to expect you to have no male friends in his absence. Tell him he better get used to it. You're probably right that the distance is making him insecure, but that shouldn't be your problem. If he really trusted you, he wouldn't have a problem with you hanging out with other guys.

Answer 5

very unreasonable. Tell him to take the hand cuffs off, if he wants you to cheat, putting those hand cuffs on will cause you to cheat. You need space, and if he doesn't trust you, or trust that you can turn guys down at a movie, then he needs to be more secure on his own spot. He needs to feel that you won't cheat because he knows you can't find better than him, that he means 10X more to you than those guys so he shouldn't even look at them as a threat. Teach him some confidence, otherwise it sounds like a horrible relationship

Answer 6

that is pretty controlling, especially since you have only been dating a few weeks, my husband and i dated for about a year, and before we moved in together and made it a commitment, we really had no say so in who each other hung out with. I had a lot of guy friends too, a few exs that didnt mean anthing, but mainly just guy friends that were only friends. Only after we moved in together did we try to let each other know how we felt about their friends other than just " i dont like him" or " hes alright"

Answer 7

hey it would seem like you were paired off. but maybe if you gave your bf one of the guys number so they can chat he might be more open to you guys hanging out as friends, so all of you will be friends, make your bf friends with your guy friends.
also you are lucky to have a guy that cares so much about you

Answer 8

Any time a boyfriend asks you to stop doing something you did before you knew him is controling!! My God, he's trying to control what you do and who you see and he isn't even here!! WHY DON'T YOU SEE THAT IT'S CONTROL???? If he really trusted YOU he wouldn't have to worry about them!!

Answer 9

I was about to say yes it is controlling until I read about the movies. I would not like that at all either.

Answer 10

stand in his position.....your away at school and your BF tells you he went to the movies with his freind and 2 other girls. How would you feel......sometimes standing in the other persons shoes helps you understand there thinking.