adultery or a loop hole?

Question

Picture this;
A married couple, husband & wife. He is against homosexuality yet is not judgemental. She claims to be "bi-sexual" and has since their marriage she has been with 4 females, with out him being present, or approving of the females she brings home. (he said, if they were 'my kind of girl' & if I could partake, it would be different) She blieves that, he may not be a part of her exrta relationships, claiming she has what they have, and it is him lusting after more mates. Her being with these other females is mearly filling in the 'gaps' that he physicly can't fill.

As asked earlier, do you think this should be a ligitamate loop hole for her, or is this indeed adultry since it is not a shared experience for the both of them.

Should the guy leave her, make her end her bi-sexual ways or else, or accept his life and deal with it?

He was told at the beginning of this relationship that her "bi" ways are in her past. He agreed (knowing they couldn't be all the way gone) but, that if it would come up again, that it should be fair for him to be with other females as well.

Answer 1

Whether the guy leaves her or not is up to him, but it is adultery, pure and simple.

Answer 2

OK, this is gonna be a tough one.

It seems like the husband here is mixing the standards from several different categories here, and finding that, surprise!, they're not all compatible. He's going to have to do some work sorting out what he really wants, and then determining how he wants to define it.

Generally, a relationship is either monogamous or polyamorous. Monogamy means that neither partner is allowed to have any other partners apart from each other, and adultery is defined as having a partner other than your monogamous mate.

Polyamory, on the other hand, means that either or both partners are allowed to have other relationships, sometimes within certain limitations negotiated between the two partners. Adultery is pretty much impossible, because the relationship is itself defined as allowing other partners to exist, though a partner might be able to cheat by breaking the negotiated terms of the relationship.

It sounds as if the husband here finds himself in a poly relationship with the limitation that the wife is only allowed to have other partners of the same sex. The husband presumably doesn't want any same-sex partners, so, for all intents and purposes, he's not allowed to seek out other partners for himself. But he doesn't seem very clear on whether he _wants_ a poly relationship, a monogamous relationship where the concept of adultery would apply, or is just hoping for the occasional three-way with his wife providing the third party.

If it's the first, then he needs to commit to the concept and live up to his end of the bargain - allowing his wife to explore her bisexuality without getting jealous, possessive, or envious. (I never said it was gonna be easy.) If he wants monogamy, then no one gets any outside nookie - and his wife, if she feels strongly about her bisexuality, might tell him to take a hike. If he's just allowing it in the hopes of finding himself in a threesome, then he's basing a vague polyamory on his envy of his wife's adventures, and he's just asking for trouble.

Answer 3

Are you asking from a religious viewpoint or an ethical one?

If you're talking ethics, the husband would have grounds for divorce, because the wife should have been upfront about it. Of course it's adultery.

If you're asking from a Christian standpoint, I think it's pretty clearly spelled out that adultery is sex with anyone outside your marriage vows ... AND that homosexual relations aren't big on God's list of approved activities.

He can't put an ultimatum on her to "end" her bisexual ways, if this is really how she's wired. She just should have been honest about it in the first place. I don't see how a marriage based on a deception like that could ever work out. If I were him, I'd walk away.

Answer 4

Coming from an open relationship...I found marriage is more than just monogamy. Its about helping each other find what they need and supporting them.

If the husband in your situation leaves, he will be in a sense punishing the wife for her bisexuality. If there is no chance of her leaving, he really cares about her, and the marriage is in good standing then what is the problem? At the same time she should allow the husband to do what he likes since she does. It doesnt go one way and not the other. It comes down to trust- it sounds like the wife doesnt trust the husband, and that is a problem.

Answer 5

It is adultry either way, if he participates or he doesn't. There is no loophole with that. There may be acceptance in a marriage or an open marriage but technically speaking it is still adultry. Because he involves either one of the spouses or both to perform a sexual act or intimate emotional act with someone outside of the person they made vows to.

Either he needs to put his foot down or he has to accpet it. I feel like if you have gotten married and taken vows where is there room to break those vows because of conditions of the adulterous act?

Answer 6

She is committing several sins in this scenario. Homosexuality is against nature. Having any kind of sexual activity with someone other than your mate is against matrimony, and is therefore considered adultery. She is also causing her husband to stumble...placing temptation before him...there are all kinds of wrong with this scenario. If the man wishes to live a godly life, he needs to let the woman out of the relationship. She's not willing to give up her sinful ways for fidelity's sake. Hopefully there are no children in this family. They're the ones who will be permanently damaged from this kind of thing.
Marc P...you're out of order.

Answer 7

its still cheating. shes still with someone other than her partner.

i am bisexual. i decided to get married. i love my husband very much. sometimes i miss being with females, but its no different than if i were to miss being with other males (which has never been a thought that crossed my mind). i am faithful to my husband as he is the man i've decided to spend my life with.

if we were both okay with introducing a third partner into the sexual relationship, it would be different, as long as we were both totally comfortable and what not. but that is not something we will do, its just not anything we are into.

i, like the female mentioned, prefer to be with one or the other. if i'm just having sex to have sex, it doesn't matter. but if i'm in a relationship with a female, i don't want to share her. if i'm in a relationship with a male, i don't like to share him

does that make sense?

but no matter who or what you are having sex with while you are in a relationship with someone else, its definitely cheating

Answer 8

The question of whether or not it is adultery by any of the religious code is irrelevant. This is a matter between two adults and what they are comfortable with. They need to work it out between themselves, not consult some rules written by people who never knew them.

Answer 9

It is still adultery, a sexual relationship outside of the marriage covenant. Rather she stays or leaves is still up to the couple, but that does not change what it is.

Answer 10

Im still trying to figure out what "gap" this guy couldnt fill that some other woman could fill..... Man, thats one TINY organ!!!!

Sounds like a pisss poor excuse to me. Id tell her that I am a gay woman trapped in a man's body, and that I need to find other women that can fill gaps that she isnt fulfilling.... like the one between her ears.

Answer 11

Wow....."it particularly is written" "do no longer defile the marriage mattress".....while vows are exchanged in a marital covenant, the guy forsake his physique to the female; it particularly is now no longer his, yet hers, and vice-versa.....the only individual who might desire to ever even see her nude is the husband.....while there is an interloper, it breaks the full and finished unit the couple have become upon being married.....on each and every occasion all individuals else of any gender (beside the husband and spouse) turns into in contact in any sort of intimacy with the two nuptial, then it particularly is adultery, and the marriage mattress is now no longer sanctified, yet has substitute right into a brothel.....with invetiable repercussions to at modern-day take place.....the guy might desire to provide her an ultimatum for dedication to him on my own, then the two repent, forgive one yet another, placed it at the back of them, renew their vows and start up up clean.....under no circumstances might desire to he hotel to primal compromise and, if she needs to proceed going "unfastened agent", then he might desire to easily unload her.....yet regardless of his reason if any, if he knew already knew she substitute into bi, he substitute right into a knucklehead for marrying her interior the 1st place.....at modern-day up sentiments, and reward to you.....