My husband and I have been living on his father and stepmother's property next door to them for a little over two years now. We're saving up money to buy some land or start renting a place of our own. He lived here before so they didn't seem to mind it until about three months after I moved in. She started acting strange. She went from really friendly to really stiff around me. I don't know what I did and didn't want to make it worse so I stopped going over to their house. I stopped talking to them because I didn't want to be an annoyance so I just stayed out of their way for a year or so. It never seemed to bother them until about three months ago when I got a letter from her. She went on and on about how awful I am as a person, how stiff and cold I am. She said I act like I am above her. I was just trying to stay out of their way. No matter what I do she has a problem with it. I'd move away but this isn't financially possible at the moment. What should I do or say to her?
2007-07-02 09:25:05 · 10 answers · asked by Lou Lou 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
First let your husband know about the letter and if you want you may show it to him. Second DON'T IGNORE THE SITUATION... take some time to go over to their house and speak to her directly in person and let her know how you feel and why you have ignored them for so long. Explain to her that it not because you think you are above her or anything. Tell her that since you moved in you seem to be sensing a vibe from her and you were disturbing her and that's the last thing you want to do. Tell her that you appreciate all shes done for you but you are not there for her your there for your husband.
Tell her that you are not cold or awful as a person and that you feel offended by that comment because just like you didn't visit her no one stop her from coming over to visit. You wound not assume that about any person and that she should do the same.
Do not judge a book by it cover.
Best of luck and be care with the word that you choose to express your self in.
-Good luck :)
P.S. don't let your husband handle the situation because it would seem as though he is taking sides.
2007-07-02 10:33:51 · answer #1 · answered by Kelly j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write her back. Apologize. Tell her you were raised to follow the lead of your elders, and you thought she had given you a signal that she didn't want to be close to you. Assure her that you in no way feel that you are "above" anybody. Suggest that maybe you did something without realizing it that offended her and if so, then you want to make amends. Apologize for the misunderstanding. Tell her that you'd much rather have a friendly relationship with her and ask if you both can't start this all over again.
2007-07-02 18:32:11 · answer #2 · answered by sparki777 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did cause this by avoiding them for no reason. You shouldve found out what the problem is instead of stopping talking to them out of nowhere for a year. That's just rude when you live in their property. It's your place to go and ask them what was wrong the moment you felt she was acting weird. You know what they say about assuming things.
2007-07-02 17:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by Jukebox 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been there, done that. Your best bet is to get your husband to deal with them. It's obvious that no matter what YOU say or do, it isn't going to help. It probably would have been better to have talked to them about this issue a long time ago, but there's nothing to be done about it now. Definately deal with it though...ignoring the issue won't make it go away.
2007-07-02 16:57:58 · answer #4 · answered by iam_thatgirl69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Ohmyhairstyle. Let your husband handle this. Don't confront the woman yourself as it would only make things worse. I guess there is a misunderstanding somewhere. Your husband must take on the mediator's role.
2007-07-02 16:44:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
clear up this misunderstanding in person. Be completely honest in every way, telling her that you felt they were upset with you etc.. if you go with a sincere attitude of trying to fix things between the two of you, the whole thing will resolve itself in a very few minutes (I think so anyway)... remember that people hide hurt feelings behind anger. She sounds hurt to me.. and if you go to her, how can she not help but respond well?
Best of luck
2007-07-02 16:44:31 · answer #6 · answered by Laura S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
You thought, she thought, maybe you were both wrong,
and only assumed. Try to open a new dialog with her, if you have trouble with the words, just show her your questions on the answers site, and ask her to answer it. Maybe you will become friends, or at least at peace with each other, I just prayed for you both. Best wishes
2007-07-02 17:05:39 · answer #7 · answered by patricia f 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hand the letter to your husband. let him read it.
if you have been honest with him about your feelings he will understand and explain it to dad and his wife that you felt like this so you did bother them.
but remember, you didn't marry the dad and his wife; you married your husband.
2007-07-02 16:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by ohmy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gosh I hope I don't have parents -in-law like that.
2007-07-02 18:10:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump them all.
2007-07-03 03:58:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋