I'm in love and my parents don't approve?

Question

I'm in love with a black guy and my parents are against the whole thing . It really sucks because i have to sneak behind their backs if i want to do anything with him . He's not allowed to call me and i'm not supposed to be calling him . I love him and he feels the same for me but my parents don't understand where im coming from . I met him through my best friend and my mom is trying to cut the communication off between us by making me move high schools which isnt right because that's my best friend . What should i do about my relationship ?friendship?

Please HELP !

They are dissaproving him because he's black . They dont know him and dont want to meet him because of that . I just dont get it .

Answer 1

Well sweets, I'm actually in the same boat except I'm engaged to my sweet chocolate. I know it doesnt help but, in cases like that it doesnt get any easier, but my motto is, when you get to the bottom of it, it's still your life. I actually did hide it until I moved out for that same reason. You've got to make the decision either he's worth possibly losing everything you've held close in the past. For me I'm still marring him.

Answer 2

This a really tough question to answer, so forgive me if I botch it. First of all, though, is it just because your boyfriend is black? If so, then I feel your pain, because racism is a difficult thing to fight. BUT- are you certain they don't see something here that you are missing? How has the boyfriend behaved around your parents? Is he a good student? Does he have a decent job? Is he polite and respectful? Maybe it really IS your boyfriend, and not your parents. Love blinds people sometimes, and those loves are often tragic loves in the end. Many, many times when a parent or friend opposes someone's love, it is because they are NOT blind to the fact that the person is not a good person. Think about this really carefully. If they are right, then they are right.

Also factor this in: you are basically costing yourself your friendship and a decent relationship over a guy. You are young, and the fact is that you are statistically not likely to last that long with this guy. There are other guys out there, perhaps one that is even more appropriate for you. You will fall in love many times in your life, likely, and you may be making a mountain out of a molehill right now. You may have to make a decision here: your boyfriend or everyone else. I'd bet my Porsche that in a few years you'll wish you hadn't chosen the boyfriend, if that is the choice you make.

Not the answer you probably wanted to hear, but a very realistic one. Good luck!

Answer 3

For the most part, it depends on how old you are. If you are under age there is nothing you can do about it, but sneak around and do it anyway. Which is what you are already doing. They should know that. You are not going to stop seeing him, or anyone else for that matter because they said so. They were young once, I am sure their parents disapproved of something they might have done. Anyhow, if you live under their roof, and you are old enough and think you are financially ready then move out.

But, if not then I guess you are going to keep doing with you've been doing and that is seeing this guy anyway. I hope that they are not disapproving, because he is a Black male. I hope it is because he did something, or they know something about him, that is not good. Then if that is the case, they should let you know why they disapprove. I feel you have a right to know.

We can't tell you to go against your parents, you are going to do what you want to do anyway. If, it bothers you that much then stop seeing him. Good luck.

Answer 4

Hang in there, my dear. I know from experience it isn't easy. I am white and my boyfriend is black. I am here to give you hope as some of my family members were not agreeable also, but, if you really value this friendship, go for it!

I did and have been with the same man for over twenty years. I'm very sorry to hear neither of your families seem to want you two talking. You will just have to be very DISCREET in what you are doing. Maybe the two of you can "unknowingly" join some kind of youth group, church group or community project where you would be able to see each other regularly.

E-mail is fantastic as well, as you can make up lots of IDs on Yahoo to disguise exactly "who" and "what" you are!

Good luck to you both; it doesn't mean you will be so fortunate to find your life partner, but you shouldn't be losing a friend over this, either. That truly is unfair. I wish I could think of a strategy of changing your parents minds, but it sounds like their minds are pretty made up.

Answer 5

Sit your parents down and ask them why they don't want you seeing him. Do not get mouthy and say things that all of you will regret. Just talk kindly and all will work itself out.

Tell them how you feel about this guy. Don't demand that they are not being fair. You have to stop and look at the big picture. maybe your parents were raised to believe that it was not right to become sexually involved with a person of another race.
I know love knows no boundaries, but there are some people who think they are not predjudice, that actually are in some way or another. I am not sure that your parents are actually predjudice, I pray not. Ask them if they will not sit down and have a good heart to heart with him. It may be that if the guy is an adult now, they could be trying to keep you from doing something you both might regret in the future.

Answer 6

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's very hard. I do not know how old you are, but that is going to make a very big difference. If you are still very young (14-16) then there really is very little you can do. If you are a little older, maybe a junior or senior in high school, then I would hold off a little bit longer and wait until college. You can always contact this guy through mutual friends, through email and instant message, and things like that. If you cannot call him at your house, perhaps you can at someone else's house. Sit down and talk to your parents as an adult. Ask them straight out would this be any different if the guy was white. Explain to them that you simply believe differently than they do. Good luck.

Answer 7

Your parents have your best interest at heart. Listen to them , respect them and know in your heart that they are doing what they feel is the right thing for you.
Do not alienate you family for some guy. It is not worth it and he is not worth it. Your parents have been around the block a lot more times that you have and they know a thing or two about the world and how cruel it can be.
It should not be a trade off, I know, your family or him, but that is the way it happens most of the time.
Be smart not a smart a-- .

Answer 8

aww, thats too bad. I've seen this happen in my personal life with my friends, AND with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is white and mexican, and I had SUCH a hard time getting his family to accept us. Its a shame that people want to view skin color as a factor in whether or not you should date someone. I have a job, I go to school, I graduated at age 17, I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'm a modest person. Wouldn't you be happy if your child was dating someone like that? But just because I'm black, his family would not accept me. You are going to go through a lot of hardships dealing with close minded and judgemental people (including your parents) but in the long run you've gotta do what's best for YOU. You still are living under their roof, so you still should obey their wishes, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to him online or have him meet you when you are going to hang out with your friends.
You should also sit down and talk to your parents. Without whining, crying, or yelling, tell them how much it hurts you. Tell them that he hasn't done anything to them, and its wrong for them to judge people they haven't met. This isn't 1905 anymore, and your parents have got to get real.

Answer 9

If you live with your parents and have to ask them in order to love someone , you are not old enough to know what love is , let alone be in it . This is infatuation -listen to your parents . They've been loving you a long time and know what's best for your future . Crushes and infatuations will come and go , but your parents can't be replaced . When you are on your own and supporting yourself , then is the time to worry about finding someone to share your life with . Until then you should be working on yourself , so that you attract the right kind of spouse when you are ready .

Answer 10

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do if you are under age. They feel that way because that's how society has been for the last 25 years. They don't see that it is changing, and they never will. Talk to them and explain that you can't help how you feel, and that if they try to stop you, it will only cause you and them both more pain. If they still won't listen, then there is nothing you can do until you turn 18.