How do i begin to tell my 8 yr old of his dads drug abuse (reason for our split 2 yrs ago)?

Question

My son thinks that his dad slept during the day beacuse he worked at a bar and thinks that is why we split. In actuallity he was up at night with his friends smoking Ice. I didnt want to raise my kids in that environment so we left. My kids have not talked to their dad in almost a year but they do mention him. I want my son to know why we split but I dont know how to start the conversation or what to say. He is very smart and understands alot for his age. He has the right to know the truth.

Answer 1

Be honest with him. Do not dog his father out ,jus tlet him know that his dad mad a bad choice. Teach him to love and respect his dad ,but just be truthful with him.

Answer 2

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY INSANE. HE IS 8 YEARS OLD.

Please think about this, you did the right thing and got away from his father. I commend you for your strenghth, I know its hard as I was married to an addict. My ex didnt use for years but in hindsight, there were signs that he was not quite right, and if you are honest you ignored signs and chose to have a baby with your ex anyway. Your child had no choice, he cant walk away and say I have moved on. Thats his father, the father YOU chose for him.

Addiction is a family illness and even though you have taken yourself out of your ex's family, your kid cant. So why dont you take a more theraputic perspective on this. Get yourself and your kids in counseling. A good counselor can help you resolve your anger and help you start to see your son as a little boy instead of your little man (no matter how smart he is) and guide you on how to deal with his questions about his fathers disappearance and drug addiction in an age appropriate manner.



A kid from a broken home is more likely to become an addict later in life, that chance increases exponentially when a parent is an addict. Instead of trying to make him mad at dad (wont work anyway) and making him your little confidant, you should be focused on doing all you can to keep your kid from becoming a statistic. Good luck sister. I really am concerned that you are seeing your son as an equal, maybe using him as a substitute for your ex. Please get some help, for you and your family.

Answer 3

While I understand your need to tell the truth and your confidence in your son's intelligence, you may just be burdening him with unnecessary information. Kids do not at that age need to know the down and dirty of what their father did. Right now all he needs to know is age appropriate information, like it's not his fault and Mommy and Daddy loved each other.

"After the Divorce
It's important to maintain as much normalcy as possible after a divorce by keeping regular routines, including meal routines, rules of behavior, and methods of discipline. Relaxing limits, especially during a time of change, tends to make children insecure. Resist the urge to drop routines and spoil a child who's grieving over a divorce. The only way a child should be spoiled is with unconditional love.

Parents should also work hard to keep their parental roles in place. Your child, no matter how much he or she tries to understand, is still a child. If you confide in your child, he or she may have difficulty relating to the other parent. This means not blaming the other parent or putting your child in the middle of an adult situation that he or she doesn't have the maturity to handle.

Consistency in routine and discipline across the households is important. Similar expectations regarding bedtimes, rules, and homework will reduce anxiety and give your child the message that you and your ex-spouse are working together and can't be manipulated."

Answer 4

You're right he does have the right to know the truth and of course you don't want to appear as the bad person, but not right now. Although he may be mature for his age he's still too young. Things like this have a negative affect on us older ones, so it will be devastating to someone his age. You did good by taking him away from that type of environment. There are so many women wanting to breakaway, but are to afraid for so many different reasons. I commend you for this, but think some more before you do it.

Answer 5

You sound very articulate. Tell him with love, but just as you told us. You're right, your son deserves to know the truth. Is his dad in treatment? Is there a father-son reunification plan? I suggest working with the courts through an attorney towards reunification if his dad can get and stay clean. Your son also deserves a father, even if you are not with his father.

Answer 6

be straight with him start off by asking him why do he think you all broke up then tell him the truth tell him that his dad made the wrong choices he smoked and you didnt want to raise your kids in that environment so you split be real with him he should understand

Answer 7

NO. I've seen too many disrupted families because somebody thought they should fess up. Why? Is your husband being a good father? Does he love the boy? How would he feel if you told your son that the man you are with is not his father? Leave it alone. Personally I would never tell him, and I would tell his real father to take a hike.

Answer 8

Ask him if he has heard of drug abuse and addiction and give him some examples of it. Write down your experiences in very clear, concise sentences. Then, tell him why you think your household is safer without his dad and reassure him that you are always here for him. You need to make him feel loved and safe and encourage any questions and feelings he has.

Answer 9

well i take it you had the don't do drugs talk with him...
just explain to him that his dad is suffering from an addiction to drugs and that it wasn't the best enviroment to be in so that's why you guys left. that dad has a serious problem and it wasn't safe to be with him anymore.
just start the conversation off with (instert sons name here) i wanted to explain to you what happened btwn your dad and i/us and why we are no longer together. let him voice his questions or opinions and let him vent if angry.
air it all out

Answer 10

at the young age of 8.....he doesn't need to know everything......you can tell him some of the details about the drugs and fill in the details as he grows and has more questions.......Your decision to leave was a smart one.....children have no business being in that kind of environment......