If someone complained to you about your behaviour would you agree to a compromise or just tell them to #$@!?

Question

I have a neigbour that is constantly opening and slamming their closets and drawers. When I slam my own closets in retaliation they seem to calm down and then after week it starts again. I try my best to ignore it... Mon-Sat I tell myself its no big deal cuz I have to wake up for work anyway(even through I really am annoyed and am just trying to make the best of it) but yesterday I was woken up at 6:30am on a Sunday. I tried to talk to them at that moment but they did not open the door, I wrote a very polite letter asking them to be careful with their doors and drawers but I don't think they care.

If you knew that your neighbour was disturbed by such a minor thing such as slamming doors, would you try to make it better or just tell them to #$@! off and continue your behaviour. I'm willing to talk to them and compromise such as no slamming before 10am or after 11pm.

Should I expect some consideration or should I just stop caring and start making them miserable too?

PS... It's not my nature to be vindictive. If possible I would rather come to some agreement with my neigbours but I'm just wondering if it is reasonable to ask someone to change their behaviour.

Also, I have lived in this apartment building since I was born, my parents live in another apartment downstairs... So, i've been there longer than these tenants and I won't be moving...

Answer 1

You've taken some varied and creative tactics to address this problem. They seem to "get the message" for a short while when you slam, too, but you see this tactic doesn't work very long. Hopefully the letter will work.

Slamming things, though a minor infraction, shows immaturity, disturbs those arounds you, and wears down your furniture.

If the slamming continues, try talking to them again, or ask your landlord to speak to them. If there is no landlord, consider asking your local police or neighborhood improvement organization to talk to them.

If nothing works, I'm afraid you'll have to learn to live with it. For now, continue to do whatever is reasonable and not too time- or energy-consuming to get them to treat their furniture more gently.

If they do this to let off steam, see if you can get them to do this at a less disturbing hour, say sometime between 12 noon and 8pm, for one hour only. They can call it "The Slamming Hour". And you play some brash classical or rock music at that hour, too, as accompaniment!

Answer 2

I have neighbors that think it's great fun to set off illegal fireworks anytime they have company over (not just during 4th of July). It's especially disruptive during the week when they lite them @ 1:00 am. This has been going on now for a few years, several neighbors complained to the cops but the behavior got worse instead of better. Some people are just rude and don't give a bleep about anyone else.

If that is the case with your neighbors, you won't gain much by complaining so try making your room as sound proof as possible. (If you can, hang decrative quilts/drapes on the walls between you and the neighbors.)

Or switch rooms to sleep in on Saturday nights.

The worst thing for you to do is start retaliating, because then your non-rude neighbors will complain you are disturbing them.

Answer 3

Who owns this apartment building? Could you complain to whoever you pay rent to or whatever? Maybe they could give these people a formal notice of complaint. Are they really slamming things around that hard? That's just terrible. If they don't realize they're doing it then they're just ignorant and I'm sorry for you. You should expect some consideration especially since you have tried to compromise and been ignored. It's almost like they're doing it on purpose. So see if there's somebody who owns the building or is in charge who can send these people a warning. They should listen to them--I'm sure when it comes down to being kicked out or being quiet, they'll shut up!

Answer 4

Your question is interesting because I am in an identical situation! I don't bother to complain to anyone since the offender is an alcoholic who is also suffering from dementia, and I just keep my music (CD/radio) playing all day every day to avoid listening to the noise. Before I did this, the noise was so bad that I was nervous and jumped at the slightest thing. Now that I'm playing music which I love, I don't pay any attention to the racket, and my nerves are okay again. Try it and see if it works for you!

Answer 5

Your first mistake was to write them a letter. Instead of being nonconfrontational all you did was tick the neighbor off. Letters are impersonal and does not provide the necessary feedback for understanding. You don't know it could have been an issue with the door being jammed or they have had a bad day.

The solution would be to talk to them and not nag about it.

Answer 6

It is an apartment building.

It is expected to be able to hear the neighbors no matter what they do.

I just take it in stride. If I was bothered very much by it I would move.

That is apartment life.

I've had the same issues while in an apartment. I just ignored it. It came to sound like typical background noise.

Answer 7

This is a job for your building manager/leasing agent/building super.

Write down the times that this is happening. If you can, make a recording of it. Then complain to the building management. Also check your lease. Many apartments have a quiet time clauses.

Answer 8

I guess it would depend on whether I liked the neighbor or not. If I liked my neighbor, then I probably would compromise. If I didn't, then I probably wouldn't. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, so I suppose as a Christian, I might be obligated to compromise. But if that's the worst thing your neighbors do to you, that's a pretty good neighbor. No one's perfect.