Divorce and how to handle children's questions.?

Question

It is hard to answer your chidrens questions when they complain about their custodial parents actions and behavior without venting your anger over situations you have little control over. How would you handle them?

Answer 1

I'm currently going through a divorce and I have already had a sit down discussion with my two children (ages 13 and 9). I have issues with my soon to be ex and believe me when I vent, I VENT, but I don't do it in front of my children. I have issues with my mother in law as well and when my son asked me if I disliked her, my response was that grandma does and says things I don't agree with so we choose to not speak to one another. When really I wanna say, you're right son, I can't stand that @!&%$, LOL but seriously, answer them honestly but don't ever trash talk in anger because you will make the children feel as if their in the middle and that one parent is the good parent and the other is the bad guy. And when we vent in anger, it might also make our kids not want to come to us with their questions or concerns. Also, try answering their questions without sounding mad, or bitter. Kids are very smart and can sense those things. If the custodial parent is doing wrong by their children, that's something you need to take up with the custodial parent and not with the children. Maybe let him/her know the kids are concerned or have been asking questions.

Answer 2

It is hard to hold your tongue, so many emotions are still affecting you. It is best to be kind and positive, this is one relationship your going to have for a long time. Find some way to get along with this person. I spent a long time in power struggles when the children were younger and they are the ones who suffer the most. You are going to have to deal with this person for school events, emergence's, graduation, college, hopefully a wedding. Make your peace. There is a fine line between love and hate. You know your better when you don't feel anything towards this person. You don't want to use your children as pawns in this game, they will be hurt most of all. Think of them before letting venom spew. Ugly talk is called "disparaging" comments. My ex and his mother would tell my children, "Your mom locked you in the attic and wouldn't let you play with your friends." Or here is my favorite, "Your mom left you in the road and a car ran over you." It really should be illegal to use your children like this. I know this is not what you want to hear now but my father once told me... the most important thing a man can do for his children is love their mother. She is very important in the lives of your children!

Answer 3

Honestly. If one does not have a true answer say I don't know. Never fake it or let anger rule the response. They know when you are being dishonest and learn to do the same. In the long run dishonesty serves nobody's purpose.

Answer 4

wow,this is a tough one. Im going thru a divorce right now,and our 18 yr old son asks me a lot of questions. I try not to bad mouth his dad. I answer w/ as much respect as I can,but its not always easy.

Answer 5

Well, in my case, my mom and dad talked to me about it, and why..they explained to me the reason and made me understand why was this for the best...
After the court send us (me and my brother) to so me classes to understand that it wasn't our fault, that everything happens for a reason, and instead of hearing them fighting it's better for them to be apart...take a brake...

Answer 6

be positive in your answers. not sure the age of your children...but they will eventually understand the negativity of the ex. let them make their own choice. just be there for them. good luck to you.