2007-07-01 19:14:27 · 18 answers · asked by two_minute_girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well the deal is I know he is involved with another girl but he keeps telling me he will end it, then I find more stuff. Tonight I found a notebook full of love letters to this other girl. The thing is that he yells at me and calls me every name in the book for looking and finding the stuff. He says I am the one at fault because I checked his email and found that he was emailing this other girl. I know I should just kick his a** out but I have kids and other things to think about. I feel like if he doesn't have anything to hide it shouldn't matter if I look. Yet, he makes me feel like the bad guy when I find out he's sleeping with another girl! What do I do?? Am I the bad guy in this??
2007-07-01 19:47:51 · update #1
it is my personal belief that when you are married you have the right to go through your spouses personal things without permission, (there is a huge problem if any spouse has an issue over it). i don't mind my husband going through my stuff. i do mind him thinking he has to sneak through my stuff. i should be able to go through his cell phone, his car, his desk at work. now if i am going just to snoop, then i have a problem. because i want my husband to trust me, he is perfectly allowed to go through my stuff. everyone has a moment of insecurity. if it makes him feel better to look, then by all means look. and ask me if you find something you think is fishy. cheating or not.
2007-07-01 19:21:57 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you THINK he is cheating and you start to look for proof, you will find it. Even if you are wrong, you will think you are right...
Let's take this scenario all the way.
You go searching. You don't find a thing. Does that prove he ISN'T cheating? Or will your mind convince you that he is merely hiding it very well.
If you already think he is cheating, then let him go... or let the notion go. Trust is a vital part of a good relationship. obviously you don't trust him.
So let him go.
But let me tell you one thing... if you truly want to trust your man.. then YOU have to be trustworthy. That's right. YOU have to act in a manner that is above board and honest. YOU have to be someone HE can trust. Are you?
if the answer is yes, then your heart and mind are already picking up the signals that he is not.
let him go.
But if you are NOT trustworthy, then you are merely projecting your own guilt onto him...
So... only you can decide which is right.
But I'll tell you this... going through his stuff isn't going to help. If you find something, you are right and he is kicked out the door. If you don't find something, you will still think he is cheating, but just hiding it well.
So make your decision based on YOUR life, YOUR actions, YOUR trustworthiness.... not his. If he is a cheater, then he doesn't deserve you.
2007-07-02 02:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends. If you just think he's cheating and have no reasoning to back up your thoughts then well, you're just overly paranoid/jealous and if you keep going through his stuff, it could be the end of your marriage.
The sneakiest thing you could do without being too sneaky would be going through his jeans if you do his laundry.
Men ALWAYS leave things in their pockets whether we want to admit we're forgetful or not. Just remember, he may go through your stuff too just out of spite or because he thinks you're cheating on him.
So in all reality, this is a lose-lose situation...
2007-07-02 02:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by Jeremy - myspace.com/jeremy41286 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not the bad one he is. Men who are cheating usually react in anger when you accuse them or confront them of their affair. Of course he will blame it on you like you were the one that made him sleep with that other woman. Remember just because you want to be with him doesn't mean he does.
2007-07-02 04:30:19 · answer #4 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES!!! You have every right as his wife to find out exactly what he is doing and saying with other women, on line or in the flesh.
2007-07-02 02:21:09 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, as his wife, you have every right to go through anything that belongs to him.
If he gets angry and blames you -- then he knows what he is doing is wrong but is unwilling to except responsibility for it and he is not going to stop.
2007-07-02 03:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by Opr13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to late now, you already found out. if it were me, i'd end the relationship, lack of trust, lack of honesty, lack of open communication. it's very hard to keep something going when the other partner is seeking adventure outside the relationship.
2007-07-02 20:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah deifnitely, it's better to investigate and catch him out if he's up to no good rather than do nothing and let him make a fool out of you.
2007-07-02 02:25:48 · answer #8 · answered by j81s79j06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you're willing to have him dig through your stuff behind your back if he suspects you of cheating.
2007-07-02 02:18:20 · answer #9 · answered by Tyiako. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, look! there's sure signs he doesn't want to have sex with you he accuses you of cheating he gets cleaned up and won't let you go out with him he gets mad if you ask him where is he going. just to name a few.
2007-07-02 02:32:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋