why do some Christians think they are marriage counselors?

Question

I am a Christian. I know the bible, I know we are to be obedient to God. But I do not agree with Christians who insist that because God hates divorce, that it means that people should stay married. Sometimes it is very damaging for a marriage to stay intact if it is mentally harmful for the spouse and/or children. I think Christians should stay out of the marriage counseling business unless they are actually educated counselors.

Answer 1

God does hate divorce just like he hates all the sins we are involved in...but He loves you unconditionally...and He does not expect you to stay in any relationship that is abusive in any way....and He does expect you to protect your children at all costs...yes He hates divorce, but if you have tried in every way to save this marriage then the onus is not on you but on your husband.....in any case, I wish and pray for the best for you...take care sister.

Answer 2

God never wants us to be in harms way or stay in a abusive or controlling marriage. But this I agree with. There are times when some go into a marriage when there are a few red flags. We should go into marriage with no red flags. Many think the other can be changed more than not they can't change. With divorce about 50% these days one must be 100% sure. I know for sure when you marry you marry the faimly too.

Answer 3

personally i feel that if you marry something, you've already worked out all of the disaster potential. Does this mean you will never argue with your spouse? No. That you and your spouse will always come to quick and easy compromise? No. But if you're sure about marrying somebody, don't you think you'd be ready to accept that you're spending the rest of your life with the person? If you at any point have to think 'Well, if all else fails, we can just get a divorce' then that marriage should never be initiated in the first place.

Sometimes, divorce can be more devastating than the marriage, via court battles for custody of kids and assets,friends of the family taking one side or the other and causing problems, etc.

Answer 4

I'm glad you think the way that you do.

For those that are just completely legalistic, I wonder if they think that God only cares about obedience to the letter and not the well being of his followers?

And for those that do, isn't the book of Romans about freedom from legalism, and the concept of grace?

I'm not religious at all. I've studied many religions, though, and therefore have read the Bible many times. I have always wondered why Christians who are supposed to have the Messiah, and therefore are no longer subject to the 'old covenant' insist on following it still.

Perhaps its just because I have an outside perspective. Perhaps because I wasn't raised in a religious environment I saw things differently when I read the Bible. I don't know- it's your faith, you tell me? :)

Answer 5

I feel like a good counselor would not recommend divorce, but find good solutions to help the marriage become healthy and enjoyable. That being said, a counselor can only give advice and problem solving tools. The rest is up to the couple. The tough thing is that is takes two to save a marriage, and unless they are both truly willing and wanting to save it, it's going to be a lost cause. I went to a counselor when I was married and everything was crumbling. The counselor gave good advice I and tried really hard to make it work. But my husband refused to listen to the advice and didn't want to work on it. He ended up leaving and we got divorced. The counselor couldn't save us and I couldn't save us. They only way it could have happened was if my ex had wanted to make it work. Basically, what I'm saying is: it's not the counselor's job to save your marriage, it's their job to give you the tools to make it happen. So divorce shouldn't be suggested, that's not their job to suggest it.

Answer 6

In general, its the entire "holier than thou" attitude.
They think that because they believe in G/g(od) and have the so-called "wisdom of religion" that they can quote their bible and persuade and dictate to others about "proper" relationship management.

Other businesses they should stay out of:

Sales/Recruitment:
People don't want their doors knocked on to be handed cutesy pamphlets of religious doctrine.
People also don't want to "just send their kids" to Sunday school to be indoctrinated by others - all the while telling the parents "it'll give you some "free time and you don't have to come to our church".

Data Tracking
The software some churches use to track their "flock" is down right big brother-ish. Hearing ministers and pastors talk about tithes is an amazing thing when they track wages (gross and net) and decide that some people aren't giving enough if they only give ten percent of their net take home pay...let alone the language some of them use when they "know" others aren't giving the "proper" amount...all for the glory of god and the church mind...

Lobbying:
They don't want people imposing their values on them because of their "religion", but many feel perfectly fine about imposing so called "perfect christian values" on those around them.

The list goes on and on. I do agree; they need to stay out of other people's relationships, be it personal, or religious, or otherwise.

Answer 7

I dissagree, not with your comments about Christians but about God, he may hate divorce but it is clearly read that there are exceptions that honor divorce as an option to a failed marriage....but I feel a failed marriage is one that has not lived up to Christian values, and that is were I feel an educated Pastor is much more knowledgeable than a educated counselor who can be quick to offer excuses for lets say for adulturer behavior....were as a pastor who knows the Bible can offer the narrow path that leads to rightous living...instead of one that suggest its ok to stray as long as your sorry about it....

Answer 8

you've met my mother haven't you?

btw, she's had abortions and been divorced twice. last i heard she was working on her third divorce. some beacon of light. this is why i never was one for religion. all the holier than thou people running around. don't get me wrong, there are some christians that really are an inspiration to me. just not the majority. yes God does hate divorce. in fact i don;t think he acknowledges the whole procedure. but then if one followed all the rules that were written, chances are they wouldn't be getting divorced anyway.

Answer 9

I think you are right about some so called Christians. I too am a Christian, but I am not Christ. That is the problem with a lot of people. They think, because they call themselves Christians they are the judge and jury of all. I think believers should live their lives and not judge other people on how they have to live theirs.

Answer 10

I agree but

if your life is in danger go for a divorce but if its just different points of view and stuff work it out or have a counseler.