i met this guy just shortly before my marriage. My wedding to my husband was a whirlwind one. we dint really know each other that well before getting married. after marriage we had countless clashes. most of the time i was paranoid thinking he had somebody else outside. the fights escalated to very violent ones with both of us hitting each other. in the midst of those times, i always ran to the other guy for comfort and he was very patient knowing that i was married even though i lied to him initially. till today, he is still around and it touches my heart knowing that somebody can love me so much un conditionally. my hubby found out abt him and they both had a confrontation. i chose my hubby but somehow my heart is still with the other man. i feel so torn and hurt cos i feel that i pity and love my hubby but im not in love with my hubby. i am in love with the other guy. i really dont know what to do anymore. im just very confused. im not proud to say what i have done is not forgivable
2007-07-01 19:06:13 · 13 answers · asked by NG W 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's obvious that you aren't in love with your husband, however you must feel some loyalty to him at least being that you chose him over the other guy in regards to the confrontation. If you really feel that your marriage is "toast", then why are you still there? Personally I would much rather be dumped than to have someone that stays with me out of feelings of guilt and obligation. You're not being fair to your husband by staying in the marriage and being dishonest. And you're also not being fair to him by having thoughts about another man. Do yourself a favor and divorce your husband. You will be happier and your husband will be better off too. As for this other guy, I'm sorry he is an idiot and must not have any "game" because if he did he wouldn't be sticking around for a married woman. There are MILLIONS of other women out there, why does he have to pick one that belongs to another man? So if your husband kicked his a.ss, he would definitely have that coming. And you're very lucky that your husband still wants you around after knowing you have another mans shoulder to cry on. Life is only as complicated as we make it. That being said, either work on your marriage 110% or forget about it. As long as you still keep thinking about this other guy, you will never truly give your marriage a chance to see if it's even salvageable. Maybe seek marriage counseling, at least that way you can walk away saying you tried, and not walk away because you left for another man.
****If you and your husband are getting into physical altercations, then that should have been a RED FLAG. That's a sign of having NO respect. And without respect you don't have much of anything else.
2007-07-01 19:18:33 · answer #1 · answered by glittereyedg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have known both of these men for about the same amount of time, and promised yourself to one while being unsure.
I hate to be negative (based on what I think you're asking) but you need to give yourself time to think about what you really want. If you and your husband get physical with one another, then you probably shouldn't be together. As well, you need to get couseling. For hitting him, and letting him hit you. And the anger that seems to be very present and volatile.
I am not sure, given the way that you have presented things, that the other man is right for you either. You met him before your wedding (always a stressful time) and have continued to run to him in times of distress. He now knows that you are married and still lets you lean on him. Not a good mix, in my opinion.
In choosing to stay with your husband, you have made a committment to him again, even if you fell down a bit the first time around. You can either honor that committment, and try to reconcile the marriage, leave and be with the other guy, or stay away from them both and get yourself together. I heartily endorse the latter, but you have to decide for you.
Regardless, please get yourself into some counseling! None of this sounds positive or healthy for you.
I wish you the best - good luck.
2007-07-01 19:18:18 · answer #2 · answered by Lili Montegue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gaining comfort from another man is the wrong way to go about things. Even if he is the nicest guy in the world! Think of your marriage vows? Your marriage will be over as quickly as it started if you continue to run to him when ever things get tough. You and your husband need to go to marriage counseling to sort out your problems. Communication is the key to fixing things. Even if you decide to get a divorce I would strongly suggest you don't jump into a relationship with the other guy. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Take the time to work out who you are before making any rash decisions.
2007-07-01 19:22:34 · answer #3 · answered by Mr Tintin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on, you knew the answer to your question before you asked it. Leave your husband. Not taking into account any of the events you sited in your question, the only question you should ask yourself is rather you love your husband. We already know that you do not, so it is impossible for you to make your husband happy. Isn't that what marriage is all about? Ensuring your mate's Happiness. Go ahead, divorce him while the two of you are young, without children, and not too far in a finical turmoil. Start your life over while you still can. Allow your husband the freedom to go seek his happiness, and you yours. A word of warning, do not be too surprised if your now lover turn and runs away. To many men its the game (chase) that they desire, not physical copulation. Sex is simply french benefits. Plus it bost our ego:)
2007-07-01 19:40:17 · answer #4 · answered by Sage61 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run as far away from this other man as you can, have no more contact with him, lest you commit adultery! Remember your wedding vows, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until DEATH do us part, not just until another man comes along.
What you have done can be forgiven, and you need to turn from this evil and do what ever it takes to make your marriage better.
Read 1st Cor chpt 13 in the Holy Bible so you will know what love is, because so far you haven't got a clue.
2007-07-01 19:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you rushed into a marriage with a man you didn't trust, didn't know for sure if you loved him and well basically didn't even really know him. You just woke up one morning and thought what? "I think I'll get married today, doesn't matter to whom."
You think marriage is supposed to be easy? The first 5 years are the toughest. You've got to learn to quit trying to change each other and just accept each other for what you are. It's not a contest. It's not about control. It's not about guilt. If you think it is, you're too immature.
Must be nice to betray your husband and have a guy on the side for your emotional cheating. And it is cheating. It should be your husband you are talking things out with.
Divorce him, he deserves someone who will be faithful in mind, body and spirit.
2007-07-01 19:12:31 · answer #6 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are really being selfish. First of all, you are being unfair to your husband because you said vows to him. Secondly, you are being unfair to the other gentleman, because are not allowing him to go find someone that would be with him and him only. You need to make a decision soon. I hope that you make the right one. Personally, I would not have stayed with a husband that hit me, or that I felt the need to be violent with.
2007-07-01 19:13:11 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can't control your heart. does the other guy feel the same? I don't know what to say other than
is it better to love or be loved?
i'm totally spontanious i would probably tell the husband i'm sorry i don't mean to hurt you but i love someone else.
before you do that make sure it's not just infaction with the other guy make sure that's what you want.
2007-07-01 19:19:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off...you led this other man on...you are married and you ran to him. That in itself could have caused the fights with your husband...you wanted an excuse to go to the other man. You took vows and you need to honor them. If you really love this other man like you claim to then you will let him go to find love.
2007-07-01 19:14:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are selfish and like to bring chaos into your life. It doesn't really matter what you do until you stop acting like a 15 year oold drug addict and make some well thought out decisions, and not just jump around to the next big chaotic dumb thing you can think up.
2007-07-01 19:35:36 · answer #10 · answered by zeroambition 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋