My wife of fifteen years left with my four kids. We had a fight. Things got bad. She left. I was arrested and jailed for 28 days. She didn't press charges, but the Police did. I am under orders not to contact her or the kids until my case is resolved, which will still take many weeks to resolve. I really love her and the kids, and am making changes in my life to deal with my issues. Should I hold out hope of us ever getting back together? Having no contact for so long is driving me crazy. Can someone out there offer me any hope? Be honest. I am dealing with things one day at a time.
2007-07-01 18:21:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Obviously, there was some physical domestic abuse. The police don't need the spouse to press charges.
As for whether or not your wife will return to you, that one really depends on the history between you in the past. Was this the final straw in a long line of problems?
If you want any chance, then you will have to work VERY hard. Seek all the help you can get. Follow through with counseling, join a support group, read everything you can about your issues. Don't make excuses or try to blame others for your problems. Follow the court rules. Don't harass her while you work on yourself. Just let her see the changes in you. Let the court see that you have gone above and beyond whatever they ask of you, as you are talking about your rights to see your children and nothing else is more important.
If there are other issues in your life that are compounding this issue, such as alcohol or drugs, then tackle that also.
Pray and study. Look inward to heal yourself so you can be a better father. Can't say what your wife will do. She most likely is tired of hearing that things will change when they have not. She may not trust your words, so let her see your actions.
Take care.
2007-07-01 18:41:48 · answer #1 · answered by joyh 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get some Anger Managament classes so you can learn to be a tolerant and patient man who would no longer feel the need to control the people around you with actions of violence or words of violence.
Go to AA or DA if that is an issue.
If you violate the protection order it will be worse.
Losing complete control of the people you want to control is what is driving you crazy.
YOu need to spend some real time in counselling by yourself first to deal with your issues and then maybe a few months down the road she can come with you.
You have to be prepared to apologize over and over and over until she is sure you get what you did to her, and then you will have to work on her feeling safe that it won;t happen again.
Or... she may just do what many abused women do and go back to their husbands that beat them and continue to be hurt.
Just out of curiousty are you man enough to actually say what you did to her that it warranted a 28 day jail stay and a protection order? The police arrest only when the see actual evidence of the abuse. Accountability will have to be your first step, because their is no way you can truly ask forgiveness if you deny accountability.
2007-07-01 20:28:03 · answer #2 · answered by albertagirl_tc 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You NEED to make sure you are sincere in changing. Believe me when I say she won't believe you and will try and break you down (because she is dealing with her own emotions) but please don't give up. I don't know why you were jailed but it must have been bad. If you hit her or one of the children it will be the hardest thing to gain back her trust. Like I said, don't give up. People do change and you have to prove yourself. Don't act desperate but do try and make it a note that you want to stay in your childen's lives. Good luck.
2007-07-01 18:30:37 · answer #3 · answered by gratitude monster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, you must NOT contact her!!! i don't know what happened, i'm glad you are making changes...but this woman needs some SPACE!!! by contacting her, you are only demonstrating once again, that you are unable to control your actions. you know what i mean? YOU want to contact her, so YOU do it. what about her? if you contact her, it will appear as though once again, you do exactly what you want. please give her all the time she needs, if you really have changed, and you really care, you will put aside your insecurities and desires to see your family, for the hope that one day you will see them, and be happy as well.
why don't you wait as long as the law require
s you to, and then write her a short simple letter, explaining that you will be there if she is ready to talk...and then do just that. leave her alone until she is ready.
2007-07-01 19:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i can give you a perspective from a childs point of veiw. i spent my childhood dodging my father while he beat my mom. finally after years of abuse it got so bad the police came removed us kids and took him to jail. only after counseling, anger managment and serious life changing events did she agree to let him see us. i was in my teens and hated the very ground he walked on. since he has seeked help and better understands what he did.he has been sober 11 yrs.....thank god. all i can say is you have to prove that you are worthy of your family. there are guys that would pay millions for what you had for free. get your priorites in order, buck up and admitt you were wrong, fix it for good and maybe she will come back......i give her props for takin care of those kids they are the most important factor. maybe eventuly the kids will forgive you be patient those wounds heal very slowly.
2007-07-01 18:34:05 · answer #5 · answered by sweet young thing 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
see.s like you have a real problem with anger. you need to follow the curt orders as laid down by the law or you might end up in jail longer than.28. days when this is over you as well your wife might want to see a maggar councler and think the next time before you blow up you have children as well in this matter as well a wife to . in my opion?
2007-07-01 18:28:48 · answer #6 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get help and change. Prove to her that you will never hurt her again and that you will spend the rest of your life making it up to her. If she takes you back don't mess it up and go back to your old ways. If she loves you and sees you are trying she will take you back but it also depends on how long you have been treating her bad.
2007-07-01 21:51:00 · answer #7 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Were you arrested for spousal abuse? Has this happened before? There is no way for me to know if there is any hope in this situation. If you are in counseling, than maybe you can work hard to get better and maybe she will take you back.
2007-07-01 18:26:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
without knowing how your wife feels thats hard to give you an answer if you want the honest truth. would need to also know how she feels that will play an important part of her coming home to you again and starting over.
2007-07-01 20:24:53 · answer #9 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like things really got out of hand...maybe she is thinking wait a minute...but if you want things to work out you have to give her time too....just take things slow...ask her out of a date..and she where things go from there.
2007-07-01 18:26:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋