My husband and I have been together 9 years now, 4 of those married. 6 years ago he cheated on me and I can't seem to get over it. I love him so much and I know he loves me just as much. At the time I was really unaffectionate toward him. I barely showed him any affection. Neither of us knew I was Bipolar until a couple of years ago. He's told me everything there is to know about what happened between him and the girl and that he just wanted to be wanted, but for some reason it's not enough. I've never seen the girl until recently I was at a friends funeral and she just happened to be there and my sister recognized her. I went home and told my husband that I had finally seen her. That brought the whole situation back up between me and my husband. He keeps saying I should be over it by now and that I'm the one he married and had a child with and he loves me. Please help me. I need some advice on how to let this go.
2007-07-01 18:09:17 · 13 answers · asked by closure 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not up to HIM how long it takes for you to get over it.
He cheated, he has to deal with the consequences of that. Those consequences include apologizing for it and comforting you a year or 30 years after it happened. Yes, you should try to not let it get to you if possible, but when it does, he need to stop being so insensitive and take responsibility for what he has done.
My guess is that you will never truly let it go until you feel totally assured that he regrets it and will stand by you when it starts eating at you. I know I wouldn't feel secure unless I knew that he was there for me no matter what and when and was deeply sorry whenever it came up.
2007-07-01 18:48:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ooooh, did that girl see YOU? I bet she was stressing heavily!
If it were me, I would take responsibility for the fact that I wasn't in a good place back then, even though I didn't know what was going on with me - and that was why he sought affection elsewhere. I would blame myself as much as I blamed him. We are all only human.
Then I would acknowledge to myself how far I have come and get very very secure in my own self worth. And be happy for what I have in the present - a man who loves me and a beautiful child.
I would make it very clear to my husband that the only reason it came up again was because I saw that girl - (it sounds like your sister knew he cheated too). I would tell my husband some specific very very nice thing he could do for me to help me get over my complete uncomfortability at that funeral.
And then I would agree that once he makes it up to me - I will let it go completely and forgive him again.
2007-07-02 01:26:36 · answer #2 · answered by beach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl Ima tell you whut someone told me and it's funny because i just talked to my fiancee about the same thing.... Well... my fiancee was unfaithful to me...Then he was my boyfriend and we have a baby together... He claims it never happened but i know it did... I wanna tell you this after he did it, it was sooo weird between us... He loved me i knew but my feelings were so screwed up I feel like funny. Ima tell u this u have to ask yourself... How much do you love him... And how mad do u really wanna be in your relationship after knowing about what he did. Do you think that you can fight for your man ( not physically you know ) but do u think that he's worth it??.... Can you honestly and truley forgive him?? I mean forgive to the point where you don't bring it up ever again and start fresh... If you really think it's gonna be a problem for you to forgive counseling seems the best possible way to heal. Talking might help me and my fiancee have an appointment next Thursday ... Maybe you openly talking about it to each other and getting feedback might help you know.. Good luck hunny
2007-07-02 01:16:52 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Jersey Slugga 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he has cheated since, was done is DONE. If you have trouble getting over it on your own then it may be wise for you and your husband to talk to a counsellor about it. If there are other things he is subconciously doing that are feeding your fears then the two of you need to get to the bottom of it and work it out so you can move forward in your relationship.
2007-07-02 02:23:53 · answer #4 · answered by Dick Jones 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling. You need to identify the reason that you refuse to move on. If he only cheated once, then you have it good. More than 50 percent of married men have cheated. At least now, he is not cheating on you. You are actually one of the luckier women in life to only have it happen once with the man you are married to.
2007-07-02 01:19:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget what everyone else is telling you. The reason why you are still angry is because you still dont trust him. The reason you dont trust him is because something he is doing or saying, or acting out is making you feel unsure of his love for you.
You can always spend some time apart to see if he calls you alot and chases after you. If he doesnt, then perhaps this guy really feels fine without you. If he calls alot and desires you, then you can rest assured that he loves you.
2007-07-02 01:26:13 · answer #6 · answered by Alan W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a lot of trouble getting over the fact that my girl cheated on me earlier on in our relationship - now going on 6 years together. What helped me was concentrating on the fact that she's with me and loves me and doesn't cheat anymore.
2007-07-02 01:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by crow3862000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey common...! relationships and hikkups come and go..
if there's no attraction then there's no life.. the only thing is how we resolve them move back to the life track..
>>> its obvious that he loves you so much and now there'z no problem at all.. and you are telling that you din show affection at that time..so everything seems pretty clear.>> only thing we need to note here is, your husband is so truthful.. he has told everything you needed to know.. so i really respect him for wat he's done..>>>>
dont lose such a loving and genuine husband because of these simple petty reasons.
2007-07-02 01:16:16 · answer #8 · answered by anapayan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on,be happy together if ya break up again,I can see how bad with ur children !!! I have a friend like that........ she is very sad,she have even a step father and a step mother !!! No need to remind back the bad memory ....... Be happy with ur family,Mrs !!!
2007-07-02 01:14:56 · answer #9 · answered by crystal_heart100 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man I feel bad for you. You sound like a nice women. You'll find someone better than these idiots who cheated on you. Good Luck.
2007-07-02 01:12:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋